


For Blue Skies

by txrches



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, The 100 Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:25:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 57,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txrches/pseuds/txrches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re allowed to be sad,” Octavia repeats herself. She watches as Raven’s eyes land on the necklace she’s hung up, and she sees the pain in the girl’s face. “You can’t just keep hiding from it, Raven.” </p><p>“Yeah?” Raven’s voice is cold again and she narrows her eyes. “And how would you know? You haven’t even been here.”</p><p>Octavia continues to take it, knowing the verbal blows are well deserved. She feels infinitely small in that moment. In finding a problem that she can’t fix on her own, she feels powerless. All she can do is shrug, clasp her hands together, and look down at the ground. “Doesn’t mean I stopped caring.”</p><p>or</p><p>A Non-AU in which Octavia and Raven have a whole lot of history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ark

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to do an Octaven fic for the longest time. This was inspired by the fact that all their little interactions in Season 1 seem like they have a deeper story behind them. The events that take place during S1 are all canon here, but I took things in a different direction around the time when S2 starts, although a lot of the happenings match up. (Originally I had planned for this to be a multi-chapter fic but I ended up finishing it without even posting it anywhere, and then I decided to split it into 5 longer parts because that's what worked best.)
> 
> Basically, this is how I imagine Octaven becoming a slow burn behind the scenes. Feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy. 
> 
> (My Twitter is @lenajfc and Tumblr is @txrches if you want to find me there. I'll tweet out when the next part is updated.)

Slice, strip, repeat.

Octavia slams a bundle of copper cord into her bucket, tugging up her sleeves and brushing her hair out of her face before yanking another cable from the broken monitor she’s been taking apart. Using the old razor in her hand, she shakily cuts through the rubber coating on the wire, tosses it aside, and retrieves the copper strands from within.

Turns out that her reward for committing a non-violent crime is what the council calls “ _unpaid delinquent service”._  Which really means she’s woken up at 9 o’clock every morning so she, along with a few other juvenile prisoners, can be taken down to the junk room and do all the work that no one else wants to do. Her job — according to Nigel, the “overseer” of her group — is to bash apart old electronics and strip the wires for the valuable copper inside of them. The council probably views this as giving the prisoners a second chance to do something with their lives, but Octavia could argue that this is their form of slave labor.

Either way, being able to leave her cell and stretch her legs for a few hours a day is an opportunity that even Octavia isn’t able to pass up. Plus a little human interaction never hurt anyone. Sometimes she swears she’s going crazy by being cooped up by herself day after day.

She tugs another wire from inside the TV, flinching when a few sparks fly before it disconnects. Jasper, another prisoner in her group, turns around and laughs at her. Octavia just rolls her eyes, though it’s playful. Jasper and his friend, Monty, have been working the same shifts as her for a while. When they first met, they had recognized her from the day she was arrested. Who knew that just being born was a punishable offense.

She doesn’t like to think back to that day very often. It only serves the ache in her chest. She misses her brother dearly. And thinking about her mother being floated because of her makes her sick to her stomach. The first few days in lockup had been, so far, the worst days of her life. But hey, at least her cell was bigger than her old bed under the floorboards, even if it wasn't by much.

“Is there a problem, Octavia?”

Octavia is snapped out of her thoughts and she quickly shakes her head. Nigel stands by the door with her arms crossed, watching them.

“Less daydreaming, more stripping,” Nigel commands her. This earns a muffled laugh from Jasper, who quickly hushes himself when the supervisor glares in his direction. Octavia rolls her eyes once more, and uses her flimsy razor to slice open another wire. Although the job is mundane, sometimes she likes the repetition. At least it keeps her hands busy.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” Jasper speaks up, starting on another one of his tangents. Monty and Octavia exchange tired glances.

“Jasper—,” Monty starts, but he’s cut off.

“No, I’m serious,” Jasper sits up more and sets down his pliers. (He and Monty are in charge of taking apart circuit boards to salvage metals that can be melted and reused). “I mean, what if we’re like these things?” he holds up the board he’s been working on and studies it. “This lil’ guy was a TV in his past life, and maybe one day he’ll become a… a heart monitor! The possibilities are endless...”

“You’re really comparing humans to electrical systems?” Monty raises an eyebrow. “That’s a bit far fetched.”

“It’s completely plausible,” Jasper slurs his words and shakes his head at his best friend. “Right, O?”

Both boys turn to look at Octavia, anticipating her opinion. However, Octavia hasn’t heard a word of their conversation. Something else has caught her attention. Jasper and Monty follow her gaze to the doorway, where another visitor has entered the room. She’s tall, tan, and, well, stunning. Jasper whistles under his breath, earning a cold glare from Octavia. She shushes him.

“Well well well, don’t tell me I missed the party,” the girl laughs, leaning against the doorway and eyeing up Nigel, who isn’t having any of it.

“What do you want, Raven?” Nigel replies, her voice as monotone as always. The girl, Raven, glances over at the group of delinquents, who all rush to act like they’re busy. She turns back to Nigel and lowers her voice.

“Caufield told me I could find you here.”

A smug look crosses Nigel’s face and she glances over to make sure the prisoners aren’t listening (they are, but what Nigel doesn’t know won’t hurt her). “What do you need?”

Raven nods slightly, tilting her chin upwards to try and intimidate the older woman. “You know what I need.”

Nigel’s lips extend into a smirk. “I can go see what I have. But it’ll cost ya’.” She raises an eyebrow. In return, Raven raises one back.

“Have I ever let you down before?”

“There’s a first time for everything,” Nigel nods. She looks from the prisoners to the doorway and then shakes her head. “I can’t leave them alone.”

“I can watch them,” Raven offers, leaning against the wall and making herself at home. “I’ve got no place to be.” Nigel ponders this for a few moments, making sure there’s no ulterior motives, before nodding.

“No funny business.”

“Me? Funny business?” Raven calls after her as she disappears out the door. “Psh, no way!” She scoffs, sticking her head into the hallway for a few moments before turning back into the room and eyeing up the situation.

There’s three prisoners. Two boys, who are digging through the shelves of junk in the back of the room. And one — a girl — seated at a small round table, struggling to cut open a thick wire with a razor. Raven raises an eyebrow, and—figuring she has nothing better to do—waltzes over to the table.

“There’s a better way to do that, y’know.”

Octavia jumps when she’s spoken to, and her razor slips out of her hand and clatters to the ground. She rushes to retrieve it while still trying to maintain her cool. Sitting up quickly, Octavia studies the girl in front of her. “I wouldn’t know,” she quips back.

“You can cut _away_ from your hands, for starters,” Raven tilts her head to the side. Octavia glances down at her hands, which have various cuts and scratches on them from times when the razor has slipped. She furrows her eyebrows.

“Last time I did that, Monty almost got a razor to the eye,” Octavia replies, turning back to her project and continuing to try and slice through the wire.

“You’ve got an attitude,” Raven notes, before she has the chance to filter her words. Octavia pauses what she’s doing.

“You’ve got a problem?” She resists rolling her eyes. The other girl is obviously just trying to piss her off. Raven, however, just laughs and holds up her hands as if she’s surrendering. Octavia ignores her, grabbing another wire and slicing through it.

“ _Shit_ ,” she hisses, dropping the razor and sighing at the new gash on her finger. Raven notices this and raises an eyebrow.

“You should really—,” she starts, but she’s cut off when the sound of approaching footsteps fills the room. Raven’s face suddenly changes, and on a last minute decision, she grabs something out of her backpack and presses it into Octavia’s hand.

“Wire stripper,” she explains in a hushed voice. “It’ll make your job a lot easier.” She closes Octavia’s fist around the small tool before quickly turning around to greet Nigel at the door, leaving Octavia in a state of confusion.

“This is all I’ve got left,” Nigel holds up two mason jars filled with some sort of liquid. Raven shrugs.

“That’ll do,” she takes the glasses into her own hands. “I’ll water it down, she won’t know the difference.” She stacks them together, gives Nigel a curt nod, and heads out the door. “Thanks.”

“What about my payment?!” Nigel calls after her, annoyed.

“Don’t be so uptight, Nigel,” Raven’s voice echoes from down the hallway. “Gimme’ a few days!”

The older woman scoffs, turning back into the room and shaking her head at the situation. Noticing Octavia, who has been watching the whole thing, she rolls her eyes. “Kid’s mom is a drunkard,” Nigel nods in the direction Raven had left. “Makes her do all the dirty work.”

“And that’s funny to you?” Octavia furrows her eyebrows.

“Watch the tone, Sparky,” Nigel narrows her eyes at the girl. Huffing, Octavia tosses another strip of copper into her bucket and looks down at the wire cutter in her hand. She glances from it to the door where Raven left and wonders why the girl had extended such a gesture of kindness in her direction. That’s not something that happens to her often.

Eventually, that moment is forgotten, though. Because Monty is lugging an old electrical fan onto the table and it’s Octavia’s job to pry apart the rusty battery compartment. It only crosses her mind later that night, when she finds the small wire stripper in her jacket pocket and wonders if the girl has anyone who cares for her besides her mother.

 

* * *

 

Another day passes with nothing to show for it. Time passes relentlessly in this place. If one doesn’t keep their head grounded, Octavia can see how easy it would be to lose their mind in a place like this. Monty always says that it’s unhealthy for them to be trapped all day… that their bodies need some way of knowing when it’s day or night. Octavia just snaps back, because she’s been trapped her whole life, and who cares what time of day it is? It’s not like they have anywhere important to be.

Today is Saturday. Octavia only knows this because it’s Jasper’s birthday and he’s been talking nonstop about how he would **_die_ ** for a piece of his mom’s carrot cake. She’s two seconds away from telling him to shove it when there’s a knock in the doorway. Nigel rolls her eyes when she realizes they have a visitor, but Octavia sits up slightly.

“ _What now,_ Raven?” Nigel sighs, opening the door a crack. Raven pushes the rest of the way in, leaning against the wall and rolling up the sleeves of her jacket.

“I need a kniving wrench,” the dark haired girl scans the room before looking back to Nigel. “Got any of those?”

“A _what_?”

“ _Kniving wrench_ ,” Raven sounds out the words and gives Nigel and expectant look. “I need it to fix the leak in Medical.”

Sighing, Nigel stands up and raises an eyebrow at the girl. “I’ll check,” she says bluntly. “Keep an eye on them.”

“Great, I love playing babysitter,” Raven feigns excitement, watching Nigel until she disappears. Once the coast is clear, she sighs, rolls her eyes, and mumbles “ _evil bitch_ ” under her breath. Octavia catches all of this, but she’s pretending to be focused on her work.

“How’s that wire cutter working out for you?” Raven strolls over to the table. Octavia sets down the circuit board she’s been working on and looks up at the girl before shrugging softly.

“I wouldn’t know,” she mutters. “Nigel took it away before I got a chance to use it. Apparently it counts as a weapon.”

“Hm, funny,” Raven pulls up a chair and sits down across from the girl. “I didn’t strike you as the violent type.”

“M’not,” Octavia glances down at her hands. “Once you’re locked up they don’t really trust you with anything.”

When she looks back up, Raven is pulling an apple out of her backpack and taking a bite. It’s not long before Jasper and Monty are glancing over at her like a pack of hungry dogs. Octavia tries to send them a warning glare, but Raven just laughs and retrieves a pocket knife from her bag to toss them each a slice.

“Want some?” Raven asks, breaking off a chunk with her knife and offering it to the girl. Octavia hesitates.

“C’mon,” Raven wiggles it in front of her. “I see the trays of mush they send down to prison station. Take it.”

Octavia accepts the food reluctantly, not wanting to feel like someone’s charity case. She already feels like enough of a burden. But Raven just leans back in her chair and tosses Jasper another slice, and Octavia can’t help but feel comfortable around her.

“The name’s Raven, by the way.”

“Octavia.”

Raven studies the girl, deciding the name fits her. She props her feet up on the table and tosses another piece of apple into the air, catching it with her mouth. “So… _Octavia_ … What could a girl like you have possibly done to end up in a place like this?”

Octavia pauses, surprised by the question. She looks down, unable to bring herself to make eye contact with the girl. “What _didn’t_ I do?”

Noticing Raven’s confusion, Monty speaks up. “Masquerade party. Unity Day. Octavia Blake. Ring a bell?”

Raven furrows her eyebrows and thinks for a few moments. “Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“Octavia Blake. The girl who’s been hidden under the floor for 17 years for being the _dreaded second child,_ ” Monty explains theatrically, looking over at a nervous Octavia. “When they found her, her mom was floated and she was thrown in jail.”

“My brother’s out there somewhere,” Octavia mumbles under her breath. Raven, confused, looks back and forth from Monty to Octavia before leaning forward and resting her elbows on the table.

“They can do that? They can just lock you up for something you had no control over?”

“They _—_ ” Octavia pauses. “ _They_ can do whatever they want.”

“But that’s not fair?” Raven sits up straighter.

“Was it ever fair?” Octavia shrugs it off and pries another connector from the circuit board she’s working on. This is enough to render Raven silent for a few moments, and the brown eyed girl rests her head in her hands.

“That’s fucked up,” Raven finally says, unable to come up with any other type of reaction. “They float your mom and lock you up. What about your brother?”

“He was on the guard, but he got demoted for ‘ _aiding_ ’ in my hiding. I hear he’s a janitor now,” Octavia keeps her eyes on her work. This isn’t exactly a topic of conversation that she’s mastered.

“ _Fucked up_ ,” Raven mumbles again. All Octavia can do is shrug.

“Reyes!”

Octavia’s head shoots up and Raven jumps to her feet. Nigel appears in the doorway, hands on her hips. “You sent me on a wild goose chase for a ‘ _kniving wrench_ ,’ only for me to find out those don’t exist on the Ark. Or anywhere, for that matter,” she raises an eyebrow. “What are you up to?”

Octavia turns to Raven questioningly, but the girl is already up and moving towards the door. “I thought I needed one,” she shrugs, standing tall under Nigel’s incriminating glare. “I guess I’ll have to work something else out.”

“Don’t you—,”

“See’ya, Octavia,” Raven speaks loudly over Nigel, ignoring the supervisor. She waves to Monty and Jasper before giving the woman a fake grin and slipping out the door. Nigel keeps an eyebrow raised as Raven disappears down the hallway, and then turns to study the three prisoners in the room. She doesn’t say anything, though. Octavia is left at the table, alone again with a pile of scrap metal and her thoughts—thoughts that are mostly occupied by the brown haired, brown eyed girl that makes her reality feel a little less real.

 

* * *

 

Raven doesn’t show up again for a few more days. Octavia kicks herself for being hopeful. Although it’s not too hard to get your hopes up over something that memorable. Her brother always used to tell her that sometimes hope was the only thing that kept you going. That’s why when she’s laying in bed at night, staring up at the ceiling, she always wishes to one day see a star suspended among the pitch blackness.

When she was a young girl, her mother taught her about the solar system. “There as many stars in the sky as there are people on the Ark,” she had told her. Octavia had held that idea closely for the rest of her life. Somewhere out there, there’s _her_ star. And, unlike her, trapped in a stuffy prison cell, her star is free to fly through space, unbound by all these laws and rules that man holds so tightly. Stars are born out of the coldest gas and dust, and hell, one day Octavia swears all this cold will wear off and she’ll be free of this place.

Laying in her bed, Octavia shivers and wraps her arms around herself. Nights on the Ark are the worst. Some days it gets so cold that she wakes up and the tips of her fingers are blue, and she has to wiggle them until the blood rushes through them once again.

She rolls onto her side and faces the wall. She taps her index finger against the metal surface and closes her eyes, pretending that when she opens them the wall will fade away and be replaced with nothingness. And she will be floating among the stars. Absolute silence, peace—

Octavia’s eyes shoot open when the hissing sound of her cell door invades the quiet. She bolts to her feet, keeping her back to the wall. There’s no telling what will be on the other side of her door when it opens. And in the middle of the night? Octavia doesn’t know what to expect.

The door is pushed open a crack and a shadowy head peers in. Confused, Octavia blinks a few times and takes a step forwards. “Raven?”

The girl shushes her, holding her finger up to her lips. She disappears. A few seconds later, the door opens wider and someone new quickly slips into the room. Octavia’s eyes widen.

“Bellamy?” she whispers, taking a step forward. Moments later, she’s throwing her arms around her brother and holding tightly to him. Octavia can’t remember the last time she’s seen him. She feels like crying but she’s so shocked that she can’t even form words.

The hug pulls away and Bellamy cups her face, studying his sister to make sure she’s okay. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Octavia shakes her head. “I—how— _you_ …?”

“Raven helped me,” Bellamy nods towards the door. “O…” he shakes his head, overwhelmed with guilt from being reunited with his sister. “I am _so_ sorry, I—,”

“Sorry?” Octavia bites her lip.

“It was my idea to take you to that dance, if I hadn’t have—,” Bellamy is cut off.

“No,” Octavia squeezes her eyes shut. (It’s at this point that the tears start to fall.) “Don’t. It was only a matter of time. “Mom was…” she swallows hard. “Because of me… she…”

“ _Octavia_ —,” Bellamy begins, but both pairs of eyes grow wide when they hear a heavy pair of footsteps approaching from the outside. He clamps his mouth shut. Octavia’s heart feels as if it’s going to break from beating so hard.

The footsteps stop just outside the door and Octavia shakes her head.

“This couldn’t wait until morning?” A low voice echoes from outside. Octavia and Bellamy exchange confused glances.

“I wish,” Raven’s voice appears and Octavia freezes. “I’ve got a work order on a broken cell door. Would you rather have to deal with a loose prisoner?”

Her voice is firm but Octavia can tell she’s nervous. There’s a long pause of silence.

“Very well,” the guard speaks up once more. “Make it quick.”

“Will do,” Raven mutters. The footsteps pick up once more, this time moving away from them. Once all is silent again, the door opens a crack and Raven peeks her head in.

“We’ve gotta go,” she whispers, nodding toward Bellamy. “Guards are switching. This is the only time to get you back unnoticed.” Her eyes dart back and forth between the two siblings.

Bellamy turns back to his sister. Octavia reaches out for his hand, trying not to cry. All she wants is for things to go back to the way they were before. Knowing her brother blames himself for everything that’s happened makes her chest ache.

“I’ll try to come back,” he promises her, pulling her into another hug. Octavia just nods into his shoulder. She’s silent, but when she looks up and locks eyes with the girl at the door, Raven can just make out the tears falling down her face. Octavia looks away shyly.

“I love you, okay?” Bellamy reassures her as they pull away from the hug. “I’m going to figure something out.”

Octavia just nods, even though she knows there’s nothing he can do. But pretending that there is gives them both some hope. She manages to whisper “I love you too,” before Raven has to pull him out of the room.

As the door pulls shut, Raven and Octavia lock eyes once more. Raven’s heart breaks when she sees the pained expression on the girl’s face. All she can offer the girl is a sad, sympathetic smile before the door hisses closed again.

Octavia stands frozen for a few moments before taking a deep, shaky breath. She’s not sure why she’s crying. She’s happy to see her brother—ecstatic, even. But he reminds her of a better reality. One that isn’t hers. She forces herself to take a few deep breaths before she walks shakily over to her bed, sitting against the wall with her knees hugged against her chest.

She prays that one day she’ll have the reality that she’s been longing for.

 

* * *

 

 

When Octavia and Raven meet again, they don’t address what happened in the nighttime. Raven shows up in the scrap room on a few more occasions, avoiding Nigel’s annoyed gaze and smuggling small packets of food in for the prisoners. Octavia feels guilty accepting it, but Raven always manages to convince her to do otherwise.

Today in particular feels harder than the others. Octavia woke up with an ache in her head and although she feels feverish, she’s freezing cold. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Raven, either, who strolls into the room and immediately takes note of Octavia, growing frustrated as she cut through a wire with shaky hands.

Octavia keeps her head bowed when Raven takes the seat across from her. Neither of them say anything. Raven just studies the girl for a few moments.

Breathing out through gritted teeth, Octavia slams her hand down on the table when the razor gets caught in the rubber coating of the wire and clatters to the ground once more. This time, though, Raven’s there—and she’s quick to reach across the table and place her hand atop Octavia’s.

“Hey,” she whispers, glancing over at Nigel, who isn’t pay attention. “Calm down.”

“I _am_ calm,” Octavia mutters through clenched teeth. She moves to pull her hand away, but Raven’s facial expression has already changed, and she tightens her grip, effectively stilling the girl.

With concern written on her face, Raven scoots her chair forward and moves to press the back of her hand against Octavia’s forehead. The green eyed girl looks at her in confusion, but Raven’s yet to notice.

“You’re burning up,” Raven observes. She pulls her hand away.

“That’s not possible,” Octavia shakes her head. “It’s freezing cold in here.”

Stitching her eyebrows together, Raven doesn’t hesitate before she tugs the woven, fingerless gloves off of her hands and slides them across the table to Octavia. The dark haired girl just stares at them, and Raven eventually moves forward to slip them over Octavia’s fingers for her.

“Thanks,” Octavia sighs. She brushes her hair out of her face and moves to pick up the razor once more. Raven shakes her head.

“You can’t work like this,” she states. Before Octavia can argue, Raven’s turning around to get Nigel’s attention.

“Octavia’s sick,” Raven speaks up. “She’s running a fever.”

“And?” Nigel crosses her arms and raises an unkind, unbothered eyebrow at both girls.

“And?” Raven stands up. “Can’t you call a doctor?”

“Requesting a doctor to prison station can take days. Even weeks,” Nigel rolls her eyes. “It’s not worth the effort, honey.”

Raven leans forward and narrows her eyes. “Don’t you—,”

“Raven,” Octavia interrupts her. “Don’t,” she shakes her head. “I’m fine, see?”

Watching as the girl forces a smile, Raven sighs and reluctantly sits back down. Nigel chuckles from behind them, and Octavia has to glare at Raven to keep her from turning around and firing a snide comment in her direction.

“Here,” Raven softens her voice for Octavia and takes the razor out of the girl’s hand. “I’ll slice, you pull out the copper.”

“You don't have t—,”

“I know,” Raven cuts the girl off. “This is me trying to be nice.”

“You? Nice?” Octavia teases, and Raven can’t help but roll her eyes playfully. Octavia laughs, but when she has to turn away to cough into her arm, Raven’s own smile fades slightly.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Octavia’s back in her cell, she passes out on the bed. She’s only awoken from her deep, fever-induced sleep by a distant rattling. Sitting up slowly, Octavia wipes her eyes and looks around the room. It’s quiet for a few moments, and then the rattling reappears, followed by a slow creaking noise. Confused, Octavia scans her room.

Then, slowly but surely, a small orange parachute floats down and lands on the bed beside her. Octavia looks up to the vent, and she swears she catches a flash of something, but when she calls out quietly, there’s no answer.

Attached to the parachute is a small paper bag. When she peers inside, there’s a handful of crushed herbs and two circular pills. Penciled on the bottom of the bag is a note.

“Mix these into your water when they bring you dinner.”

There’s a silhouette of a bird shaded in beneath the words, and Octavia immediately realizes who it’s from. She can’t help the small smile that crosses her face, and she runs her thumb over the soft material of the gloves she’s still wearing. Because of Raven, she feels a little less lonely. It’s a feeling she could get used to.

 

* * *

 

 

Octavia feels sick.

It’s not a fever, either. She got over that fairly quick.

No, instead she feels sick because it’s been two days, and no one has shown up to take her to her work post. She told herself it was a fluke on the first day, but now it’s the second day and she can’t help but worry that Raven somehow got caught being friendly with her and gotten herself in trouble.

Octavia tries not to think about what it would be like if she had gotten a normal childhood. Well, as “normal” as a childhood on the Ark could be. She would have been able to go to school every morning and make friends, instead of reading to herself and running around in circles for exercise.

She would have gotten her own tray of food at meals, instead of having to watch her mother and brother divide up their portions to provide for her. She wouldn’t have to feel like such a burden every time she got as much as a cold. Her mother wouldn’t have to steal medicine. Bellamy wouldn’t have to skip school for her.

She tries not to think about this because it only serves to make her feel small and unimportant.

But she’s been cooped up in her cell for two days now, without being able to escape to work for a few hours. Even just Jasper and Monty’s company is something she craves. And although being alone is all she really knows, it both comforts and terrifies her at the same time.

When she gets nervous she paces. And she spends a majority of the third day pacing back and forth in her room. She bites her nails. She tries to braid her hair the way her mother used to. Anything to get her mind off of things.

It’s only later that night, when she’s laying in bed, that she’s awoken by the loud hiss of her cell door being opened. She’s on her feet within seconds.

“Is something wrong?”

The guard at the door doesn't answer her, though. Instead he just grabs hold of her forearm and leads her down the corridor, passing cell after cell. Her escort continues to lead her away from prison station, and Octavia’s relieved for a moment. That is, until she realizes that they’ve passed the hallway to her usual work room. Then she begins to panic. A little.

“Where are we going?” she turns to the guard and tries to stop walking, but he’s still got a tight grip on her forearm and she stumbles forwards. She tries to yank her arm away. “Hey, come on, where are you taking me?”

It’s then that the guard stops walking and Octavia looks at him expectantly. He nods towards a door to her right.

“Me? Go in there?” Octavia bites her lip. “Why?”

The guard remains stoic and silent.

“Listen, I don’t know what you think I did but I—,”

Octavia is cut off when she’s shoved forwards. She digs her feet into the ground to try and fight, but moments later she’s face to face with an amused Raven, rendering her speechless. The heavy metal door slams shut behind her.

“Morning,” Raven smirks, slipping past Octavia to flip on the light switch. The room is encased in bright, blinding light, and Octavia winces.

“I don’t—,” Octavia cuts herself off and shakes her head. “What’s going on?”

“I needed a hand,” Raven shrugs. Octavia’s eyes scan the small room that Raven motions to. There’s a worn metal workbench pressed against the wall, random equations etched into a chalkboard, and a stack of books that towers nearly taller than she is. She’s not sure what to make of this.

“I haven’t gone to work in two days,” Octavia states. Raven just nods as if it’s normal.

“I know, I stole you,” she laughs. “Like I said, I needed a hand. I pulled a few strings and landed myself the best assistant I could find.” She fishes through a collection of drawers until she finds what she’s looking for, tossing a pair of gloves in Octavia’s direction. “Welcome aboard,” she fake-salutes, shooting the girl a hopeful smile.

Studying the gloves, Octavia slowly becomes aware of what Raven means. She raises an eyebrow. “I don’t know if I’ll be of much help…” She fumbles with the gloves in her hands.

“You can read, right?” Raven waits for Octavia to nod. “Good. That’s about all I need. I just figured you’d appreciate having something more… _exciting_ to do. Plus Nigel treats you kids like shit.”

“You can say that again,” Octavia sighs. “I—uh, thanks.”

“No problem,” Raven nods, a satisfied smile on her face. She falls back into her chair, kicks her legs up on the workbench, and takes a bite from her apple. “Now all we do it wait for something to go wrong,” she motions towards her walkie talkie.

“That shouldn’t be too hard with me around,” Octavia half-laughs, still somewhat unsteady in her new environment. But Octavia finds herself easing things and smiling when Raven pulls over a chair for her. And ten minutes later, midway through an intense game of Scrabble, all of her reservations are already forgotten.

 

* * *

 

 

”That’s not a word.”

“Who says?”

“Me.”

“I guarantee you if you look up ‘lipth’ in the dictionary, you will find nothing.”

“Fine.”

Octavia grumbles playfully and swipes her letters back from the board, arranging the word “hat” with her tiles and avoiding Raven’s teasing glare.

“That’s better,” the girl across the table hums, spelling the word “Jesus” and smirking triumphantly. Octavia raises an eyebrow.

“Is Jesus in the dictionary?”

“He’s in the Bible,” Raven retorts. Octavia rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her tiles, struggling to come up with a word for her turn.

“Do you believe in God?” Raven blurts out, her question spurred by their game. Surprised, Octavia pauses and turns to slowly look up at the girl.

“Not really. I mean, my mom used to read to us from the bible and stuff, but we used it as more of a storybook than anything. She read us the Iliad and Alice in Wonderland too, and none of that was real,” Octavia shrugs. She places the word “kite” on the board. “What about you?”

“I wish I could,” Raven traces her fingers across her tiles. “I just can’t put my faith in something that I can’t _see_. I’m a mechanic. I work with my hands. The only invisible thing I believe in is mathematics.”

Octavia can’t help but laugh at this, and she nods softly. “My mom always said it was brave to believe in someone who you’ve never seen.”

“You talk about her a lot,” Raven notes. Octavia freezes in place — almost, her fingers stilling against the tabletop.

“Sorry,” the green eyed girl shakes her head, retreating back into her shell. “It’s your turn.”

“I didn’t mean it was a bad thing,” Raven lifts her head. She studies Octavia for a few moments. “You’re lucky to have had someone like her.”

“You didn’t?” Octavia speaks before she can think, and she immediately regrets it when she sees Raven’s aura practically shrink down. Tentatively, the brown eyed girl draws her hands away from her tiles on the board, spelling the word “alone.” Octavia shivers.

The unanswered question lingers between them, but the silence is soon interrupted when a ring breaks through the static of the radio. Octavia tenses. Raven grabs the walkie and nods. “Go ahead.”

Octavia can’t make out the words clouded in static, but Raven nods and tucks the radio into her belt. Grabbing a bag from behind the door, she slings it over her shoulder and pauses to look in Octavia’s direction. “There’s a leak in Farm Station. You up for a challenge?”

“Do I have a choice?” Octavia quips back, making Raven laugh.

“You’re quick. I like you,” she teases, tossing a bag to the girl. “C’mon. I’ll show you the way.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ten minutes later, Octavia’s standing at the bottom of a ladder, gazing up at the bulky vent that Raven’s head has disappeared inside of. She’s been clanking around in there for a while now, and Octavia feels pretty damn useless just holding the ladder.

“You do this kinda stuff all day?” Octavia asks, craning her neck to try and catch a glimpse of what Raven’s doing.

“On and off,” Raven’s voice echoes through the vent. “Mostly I just wander around and see if anything needs fixing.” She pauses, her torso straightening slightly. “Hand me a screwdriver?”

“Got it,” Octavia nods, standing on her tiptoes to pass the tool up to the girl. “Where’d you learn to do all this stuff?”

“Books, mostly,” Raven shrugs. Octavia hears something scatter across the vent floor and Raven cusses under her breath. “Pliers,” the girl calls down. Octavia digs through the bag until she finds what the girl needs.

“Thanks,” Raven tosses the screwdriver back down. “God, it’s claustrophobic up here.”

“Tell me about it,” Octavia mutters under her breath so Raven doesn’t hear her. She drums her fingers against the rungs on the ladder and throws her head back to look up at the girl. “You almost done up there?”

“Are you always this impatient?” Raven teases, slowly backing out of the vent and shaking her hair out of her face. She holds out her hand. “Screwdriver.”

“Of course, your highness,” Octavia rolls her eyes playfully and slaps the tool into the girl’s palm. She watches as Raven secures the cover back over the vent before hopping down from the ladder, wiping her hands on her jeans.

“Good to go?” Octavia grabs her bag from the hallway. Raven collects her things as well, but doesn’t follow Octavia back the way they came, causing the green eyed girl to turn around and look at her expectantly.

“I know a shortcut,” Raven answers her silent question. She tosses her bag over her shoulder and motions for Octavia to follow her. Raising an eyebrow, the girl jogs to catch up with Raven.

Sticking close behind Raven, Octavia follows the girl through a maze of hallways. As they walk, she realizes that she has absolutely no idea where she is. If Raven were to disappear, she’d be dead lost in the middle of the station. The thought makes her feel very small.

“In here,” Raven looks around them to make sure the coast is clear before drawing a card from her pocket and scanning it next to a large metal door. A green light blinks, and then there’s the hiss of vents being cleared, and then the door groans open. Raven pulls Octavia through before the girl even has a second to process.

As the door shuts, leaving them in the dark room, Octavia feels a rush of coldness hit her. She instinctually hugs her arms around her torso and tries to locate Raven in the darkness.

She gasps when she feels Raven’s hands search for her in the dark, but calms down once Raven grabs her wrist and tugs her forwards a few steps. She has no choice but to follow, and her feet squish against something that isn’t the usual metal floors of the Ark. Jogging a few steps closer to Raven, she grabs onto the girl’s forearm.

“Calm down,” Raven laughs softly and nudges the girl with her elbow. “Look.”

As her eyes begin to adjust to the darkness, Octavia can make out something flickering in the distance. Something in her chest—something primal—is terrified. This doesn’t feel like the small room she’s used to. But Raven continues to lead her forward.

“Octavia, look,” Raven’s voice is comforting, and Octavia feels something nudge her chin to look upwards. Suddenly, blue light rushes through her vision and she has to blink a few times as millions of tiny stars fade into view. Her eyes widen and another rush of cold air hits her, running through her veins and making her heart speed up.

“What is this?” Octavia whispers in awe, turning to Raven, whose small figure she can now make out with the help of the stars surrounding them.

“Environmental simulation room,” Raven explains, watching as Octavia takes a few steps away from her to spin in a circle, looking upwards. “They mimicked the conditions on Earth so they can experiment with agriculture. I’m not technically allowed in here, but—,” she trails off when she realizes Octavia isn’t paying attention to her.

“They’re fireflies,” Raven explains. Octavia’s eyes have turned away from the stars above them and onto the flashes of light that distracted her. “Cool, right?”

Octavia whispers a “ _woah_ ,” under her breath and nods slowly. “They’re real?” She looks back to the stars.

“As real as they get,” Raven smiles, pleased with herself for thinking to bring Octavia here. “The only thing that separates us from the universe is a couple hundred layers of tempered glass. When we face the sun the whole room lights up.”

“It’s so… close.”

“It’s thousands of miles away,” Raven reminds her, but quickly curses herself for being a downer. Octavia doesn’t mind, though. She just shakes her head.

“It’s closer than it was when all I had was my imagination,” she explains.

“It’s the closest we’ll get to the ground,” Raven adds. Octavia presses her toes into the floor.

“This is grass?” she turns to Raven and raises an eyebrow. The girl nods. Moments later Octavia is sliding onto her back, gazing up at the stars and spreading her arms out at her sides.

“It’s like I’m floating,” Octavia whispers, laughing at herself. She flips her head back to look up at Raven. “This is amazing.”

Whatever hard exterior Raven has cracks in this moment, and she can’t help but sit down beside the girl. She leans back on her hands. “Makes you feel pretty small in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t it?”

“I feel boundless,” is all Octavia whispers back. “All my life I’ve wanted to feel like this.”

“It doesn’t scare you?”

“Not at all,” Octavia shakes her head and sits up slightly. She brushes her hair out of her face and looks to Raven. “It scares you?”

“Do you think this is fair?” Raven blurts out, looking from Octavia back to the sky. “Do you think it’s fair that this is being kept from us? Does being trapped up here even count as _living_?”

“Do we have any other choice?” Octavia turns to her. Raven’s resolve falls.

Before the silence can hang between them for too long, a sputtering, hissing noise causes them both to jump. Moments later, they’re being… _pelted_ with something. Something cold. Octavia gasps and scrambles to her feet.

Raven is right behind her, and she’s able to cup her hand over Octavia’s mouth to silence her. The girl is panicking, but the fact that Raven isn’t scared comforts her slightly.

“O, _Octavia_ , calm down,” Raven laughs and shakes her head. “It’s water, it’s rain, see?” She pulls her hands away from the girl’s shoulders and slicks the wet hair out of her face.

Confused, Octavia cups her hands together and feels the drops of water gather in her palms. They’re drenched now, soaking. Raven can’t help but find it amusing.

“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up,” Raven laughs. Octavia is still standing under the downpour of the sprinklers, stunned. Raven has to practically grab her hand and drag her to the door.

“That was so weird,” Octavia coughs out a laugh once they’re back in the hallway. They’re dripping wet, and as Octavia babbles on about what just happened, Raven suddenly has a decision to make.

“I can’t send you back to your cell like this,” Raven notes, interrupting Octavia mid-sentence, causing her to clamp her mouth shut. The green eyed girl suddenly notices Raven’s concern.

“What?”

Shaking off any reservations, Raven grabs Octavia’s wrist and hurries her down a smaller hallway. “Guess we’re making a stop at my place.”

 

* * *

 

 

”This has to be quick,” Raven warns Octavia. They’re standing at a dead end, outside the last door in a hallway Raven’s led them to. She scans the area around them once more, making sure no one is watching, before tugging Octavia into the small room she calls home.

After making sure the door is shut and locked tightly, Raven turns back around to find Octavia frozen in place — her eyes wide. Sprawled out on the mattress is an older woman — Raven’s mother — fast asleep. Raven can’t even tell if she’s breathing.

Awkwardly laughing it off, Raven places a hand on the girl’s shoulder to calm her down. “Don’t worry. She’s asleep,” she kicks the side of the mattress just to prove to Octavia that the woman won’t stir.

Octavia suddenly remembers the hints that Nigel had dropped before. She notes the empty glass lying on its side beside the bed before Raven has a chance to nudge it out of the way. She doesn’t move, she just nods softly. “It’s cool.”

“So…” Raven mumbles, pausing to pull a blanket over the sleeping women — something that Octavia finds endearing. Raven averts her eyes to avoid awkward conversation. Hurrying over to a metal dresser, she digs through drawers and jogs back over to Octavia with a handful of clothes. “One of these is bound to fit you,” she nods, holding them up hopefully.

“Thanks,” Octavia meets Raven’s eyes for a split second; she can’t seem to place this odd feeling. Is Raven trying to impress her? Octavia’s gaze quickly falls back down and all she can do is grab the clothing off the top of the pile.

Raven shows her to the bathroom, and Octavia does her best to offer the girl a soft smile and let her know it’s okay. She’s not sure why Raven seems so nervous all of a sudden. She doesn’t like it.

Taking a moment to herself, Octavia turns to her reflection in the distorted mirror that’s been hung up on the wall with a combination of duct tape and crooked nails. Her hair is soaking wet, and she shakes it out like a dog before brushing it out of her face. Taking a deep breath, she changes into the sweatpants and t-shirt Raven’s lent her.

When she steps back out into the small room, she notices that Raven’s made some sort of effort to clean up. It bothers her.

“You don’t have to impress me, you know,” she speaks up, startling Raven, who’s been hurriedly tidying up the dirty dishes on the counter. She whips her head around, studying Octavia for a few moments before recomposing herself and giving a slight shrug.

“All done?” Raven wipes her hands on her jeans and looks the girl up and down. When Octavia nods, Raven’s already halfway out the door.

The long walk back to the prison station is relatively quiet. Even though she knows she’s cleared to be out with Raven, Octavia still feels like she needs to be weary of every shadow — like she’s not supposed to be here, and the smallest thing could get her into trouble again. Which is why her eyes widen slightly when she sees a guard leaning up against the entrance to her floor. Raven doesn’t flinch, though.

Just as Raven reaches out her hand to push the door open, the guard extends his arm in front of the girl, stopping her in place. Octavia freezes.

“You got a permit to be up here?”

“Course I do,” Raven quips back. “I’m taking her back to her cell.” She nods to Octavia, who’s practically cowering behind her. The guard cranes his neck, scanning her up and down.

“Where’s her clothes?”

“They got covered in grease from the vents so I gave her some of mine,” Raven crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at the man. “Are we done here?” The guard simply nods, moving out of the way and allowing Raven to tug Octavia past.

Annoyed, Raven glances back behind her and rolls her eyes. Octavia can’t help but laugh. When they reach her cell, Raven extends her arm towards the door as if she’s escorted the girl to a brand new mansion, not a stuffy cell. She gives Octavia a hopeful smile, trying to make the best of the situation.

Octavia’s shoulders drop slightly at her return back to reality, but she laughs nonetheless. Yet something’s different, and when she glances down the hallway to make sure no one is watching,  she finds herself talking before she has the chance to plan her words.

“Hey, can you—I, uh—the vent in my room has been making a ton of noise lately,” she raises her voice and looks around them once more, effectively confusing Raven. “Can you take a look at it?”

Raven glances around them, confused as to why Octavia seems so nervous. Nonetheless, she nods, slipping past the girl into the small cell. Running a hand through her hair, she reaches up to toy with the settings on the vent.

However, moments later, there’s a tap on her shoulder. And when she turns around, confused, she’s met with Octavia’s face, inches away from hers. Green eyes scan Raven’s face for a moment, hesitantly. But before Raven can even register what’s happening, Octavia’s pulling Raven in by her jacket, and then her lips are on hers. And when Raven finally does register what’s happening — she finds that she’s kissing the girl back.

It doesn’t last for long, though, because the minute they hear “ _Reyes!_ ” echo from down the hallway, Raven is scrambling backwards.

“Coming!” she calls back breathlessly. When she finally works up the courage to look back to Octavia, the girl’s face is bright red, and her eyes are anywhere but Raven’s. It’s quiet for a few moments, and trying to ease the tension between them, Raven is quick to shed her jacket and take a step forwards to lie it across Octavia’s shoulders. Confused, Octavia’s hands come up to hold the jacket around herself, and she can’t help but meet Raven’s eyes.

They don’t say anything, but there’s a few seconds of silence where Raven gives her just a hint of a smile. Raven takes a step backwards, and moments later, the door hisses shut and Octavia is left by herself once again. She shivers, bringing her hand up to toy with her bottom lip. Slowly, she lowers herself to sit down on her bed, slipping her arms into the sleeves of Raven’s jacket. She rubs the warm material between her fingers (something that will quickly become a nervous habit of hers), and finally, the smallest of smiles makes its way across her face.

 

* * *

 

 

Raven doesn’t show up the next day.

Or the next. Octavia grows restless. Knowing what she’d done yesterday, she’s filled with dread that she’s effectively ruined her relationship with Raven — or scared her away, somehow. She ends up pacing the room for hours to try and calm her mind.

It’s only on the fourth day without any human interaction that the silence is broken.

She doesn’t sleep very well nowadays. Mostly because she spends her days stuck in a metal cage, where sleep is an easy way to numb the pain. So she sleeps a lot, but she’s constantly waking up at the smallest hint of a visitor. So when she hears the noise of a keycard being swiped, she’s jolting out of her sleep and sitting up straight in her bed — a mixture of fear and curiosity on her face.

The door is opened just a crack, and Octavia holds her breath. There’s a long pause, but then commotion, as a dark figure practically leaps through the door and pulls it shut as fast as they can. Octavia instinctively backs up against the wall.

“I—,” she starts, but suddenly a hand is pressed against her mouth.

“Shh,” a familiar voice warns her. Once Octavia lets out a deep breath, Raven removes her hand and blinks a few times. In the dark room, Octavia’s face comes into focus. When Octavia opens her mouth to speak again, Raven raises a finger to keep her quiet.

Octavia watches, confused, as Raven bends down and slides halfway underneath her bed. Moments later, she reemerges. Leaning in close, she keeps her finger to her lips and holds out her hand to show Octavia the small device she’s retrieved. Then, she lets it drop to the ground with a ‘ _ping_ ’ and crushes it beneath her boot.

“Has anyone been in here since I last saw you?” Raven keeps her voice hushed and leans in close to question the girl.

“No,” Octavia quickly shakes her head. “Not since—,”

Raven takes a deep breath. “Something’s going on, Octavia.”

“What do you mean?”

The dark haired girl falls back to sit on the edge of the bed. Her head falls into her hands and she takes a deep breath.

“Raven—,”

“They have this station on lockdown. That’s why I haven’t been able to get back here,” Raven interrupts her. “They’re telling everyone it’s a medical quarantine.”

“Then how did you—,”

“Vents,” Raven cuts Octavia off once more. There’s something about Raven’s uneasiness that makes Octavia start to panic, even though she’s not sure what the girl is talking about. “Listen, Octavia. Something’s happening. And I’m not supposed to know about it.”

“You’re scaring me,” Octavia’s eyebrows furrow together.

After taking a deep breath, Raven shakes her head once more. “You’re going to Earth. All of you. They’re—,”

She pauses mid-sentence when she sees Octavia’s face light up. The green eyed girl sits up suddenly with a curious smile on her face.

“No, no—Octavia,” Raven shakes her head furiously. “This isn’t good. This isn’t good at all. I… What are they thinking? It’s a suicide mission!”

Octavia, however, feels her pulse quicken at the idea of an adventure. She’s never really had a real one. “They’re sending us to Earth?” she tilts her head to the side. “Just us?”

“Just the prisoners,” Raven nods. “I overheard them talking and… there’s no  oxygen… they don’t…” Suddenly, frustrated, Raven jolts up from the bed and begins pacing around the room, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“We’re talking about the same Earth here, right?” Octavia sits up slightly, tilting her head to the side. “With the real stars? And grass? And—?”

“Octavia!” Raven snaps, throwing her arms down at her sides and turning to the girl. Startled, Octavia slinks backwards and silences.

“Sorry,” Raven mumbles under her breath. She slowly lowers herself to sit on the edge of the bed. And for a few minutes — the only thing between them is absolute silence. Octavia tucks her legs up to her chest and tries not to let herself get too excited about the prospect of going to Earth. It’s an adventure, right?

“About what happened…” Octavia works up the courage to mention the kiss, breaking the silence in the room. This earns an anxious look from Raven, whose shoulders drop in frustration.

“O, do you not understand what’s happening?” Her eyes search Octavia’s for some type of fear. But, no matter how hard she tries, Octavia can’t seem to muster up the slightest bit of uncertainty. Her fear of spending the rest of her life in a cage is greater than her fear of the unknown. All she can do is shrug.

“I have to figure something out,” Raven sighs. Tentatively, Octavia reaches out to touch the girl’s shoulder, but thinks otherwise. As she quietly draws her hand back, Raven lets out a frustrated sigh.

“They’re just acting like you’re disposable,” Raven turns to the girl. “You’re not—,” she pauses, her eyes meeting Octavia’s before she quickly draws them away. “They’re not…”

“What other choice do we have?” Octavia finally speaks up. “Whatever happens, happens, right?”

“How can you just…?” Raven sighs. “I don’t want you to die,” she admits quietly.

“But it’s a chance, right?” Octavia tilts her head to the side. “Either I spend the rest of my life miserable, rotting away in this room. Or I at least have some chance of… doing _something_.” Raven can hear the longing in her voice.

“I don’t know what I can do…” Raven struggles with the idea that she may be powerless. “I…”

“Raven,” Octavia whispers, finally placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder in an attempt to calm her. “I’ll be okay. I promise.” (Even though she knows it’s a promise she doesn’t exactly have control over, she sees how it allows Raven to relax a little, and that makes her feel better.)

Their eyes meet, and Octavia offers her a small smile. Raven returns it.

“— _Reyes, come in. Reyes?—“_

Both girls reel backwards at the static sound of the radio. Raven’s eyes fill with fear and she hops to her feet. Suddenly her voice grows hushed again.

“I’ve got to…” she whispers, biting her lip nervously and looking down at her radio. “I…”

“Go,” Octavia nods. She forces a smile. “I’ll be fine. Whatever happens, happens.”

All Raven can do is nod. Her name is called again over the radio, and with one last look, she turns towards the door. Just as she starts to pull her radio from her belt, Octavia stops her by blurting out a single word.

“Wait.”

Raven turns around and raises an eyebrow at the girl.

“You’ll be okay… right?” Octavia stands up and tugs on the sleeves of her jacket.

(Raven’s jacket, actually. But she’s hoping the girl hasn’t noticed.)

(Oh, Raven’s noticed. But she doesn’t say anything.)

(In fact, she kinda likes it.)

A wave of guilt washes over Raven, who lets her barrier fall for a moment. She takes a few steps towards Octavia and reaches up to cup the girl’s face in her hands. Octavia’s breathing stills.

Brown eyes search green ones, as if Raven’s desperately trying to make sure Octavia’s not trying to plead for her help. But all she can find is excitement and curiosity flickering in her eyes. For a split second, Raven’s eyes skitter down to her lips, but just as quickly as they do, she forces herself to look back up.

“I’ll be fine,” she nods. Squeezing the girl’s hand, she leans in and presses a quick kiss to Octavia’s cheek before practically sprinting out the room. (If she had stayed for a second longer, she probably wouldn’t have left at all.)

And so, in a blur of events, Octavia is left standing alone in the middle of the room. All the heat rushes to her face, and she’s thankful Raven isn’t there to see how much she’s blushing.

Something else catches her attention, though. When the feeling begins to return to her body and her heart slows back to normal, she hesitantly lifts her arm to find the blade that Raven’s slid up the sleeve of her jacket. It’s only a few inches long, but it’s sharp. Her stomach flips.

It’s only then that the fear starts to set in, ever so slightly. Because she knows why Raven’s left her with this. It was silly of her to think Raven would give up that easily. The thought sends chills throughout her body.

Raven won’t go down without a fight. And she doesn’t want Octavia to, either.

 

* * *

 

Raven doesn’t sleep at all that night.

And at work the next day, she’s restless. Sinclair points this out when she drops her pen for the third time in a row. She’s anxious to get off work so she can try to do _something_. The only plan she has right now is to slip into Octavia’s cell during all the commotion and try to help them both escape unnoticed. It’s the best she can think of.

As soon as Sinclair turns to her to relieve her of her duties, Raven is already halfway out the door.

The lack of guards in her station worries her. She does her best to slip through the maze of hallways towards prison station. She counts her steps to try and calm herself. Ignoring the signs warning quarantine, she slips under the pale yellow tarp designed to keep them out, and runs as fast as she can towards the vent system. A voice startles her, and she slides to a stop, pressing herself up against the wall and holding her breath.

“You think they won’t suspect anything?”

“They’re passing it off as a solar flare. The minute we launch, the alarm sounds and we move everyone away from windows.”

“What about the aftershocks?”

“Blame it on the solar flare.”

Raven’s hands curl into fists, and she watches the two guards pass out of the corner of her eye. Once they’re far enough away, she exhales heavily and doesn't waste any time — she scrambles up into the air vents before anyone else can come along and catch her.

As soon as Raven swings her legs through the vent and drops down into Octavia’s room, she knows it’s too late.

It’s silent. The door to the room is swung wide open. Raven’s landed next to Octavia’s mattress, which is overturned and thrown across the room. With her suspicions confirmed, Raven feels her heart drop through her chest and to the floor.

She kicks the mattress out of frustration, but then something else catches her eye. Without hesitating, Raven drops to her knees and grabs the blade she’d slipped Octavia. And when she looks back up, she’s face-to-face with something carefully scraped into the metal wall.

“I can’t fight for hopeless causes.”

Brown eyes scan this sentence over and over, trying to make some meaning out of it. Her mind is too wired to decipher Octavia’s message right now. Instead, she’s aching all over with the need to fix this.

Raven is a creature of adrenaline. She won’t give up fighting until she knows it’s over. And even then, she still fights. At this rate, though, she’s practically running on empty. But all of this skips her mind, because there’s a chance that Octavia’s still here somewhere. And she has to do _something_.

The blade clatters to the ground as Raven sprints out of the cell, no longer caring if she’s noticed or not. Her only hope is if she makes it to the control center in time to find out where the prisoners are being launched from. (She hasn’t thought about what she would do next. Which would probably involve hacking into the system to power down the ship. She’s too wrapped up in the moment.)

She pushes through a crowd of guards by the door. One of them makes a grab for her arm, but she tugs out of his grip and disappears down the hallway, yanking the tarps for quarantine off of their hinges and pushing around corners until she slides to a stop in front of the main control room. But before her hand can even touch the doorknob, another hand grabs her shoulder and she’s spun around.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

It’s Sinclair, his voice is low as he pulls Raven away from the entrance. Raven’s so desperate at this point that all she can do is snap at her superior.

“What are they doing to them?!” She shakes out of his grip. “They can’t just--!”

“Raven--,” Sinclair starts, but Raven’s refusing to accept any kind of explanation.

“They’re going to die down there!” She raises her voice. “You’re just going to let this happen?” She meets his eyes pleadingly, feeling betrayed by the fact that she’s the only one who seems to see the fault in this.

Sinclair opens his mouth to speak, but hesitates. By then, Raven’s already moving to swipe her keycard through the door, growing restless when the light blinks red and she’s denied entrance.

She swipes it again. And again. And again. But the door refuses to open, even when she throws her useless keycard aside and yanks at the handle.

“If I could just--,” she grits her teeth and kicks the door in frustration. Before she has the chance to practically pry the door from the hinges, Sinclair moves himself between Raven and the door. She moves to fight him, but he grabs both of her wrists, effectively stilling her.

“Raven--,” he begins. But he’s cut off when the echoing sound of an explosion reverberates throughout the ship. They feel it moments later, the entirely of the ship shaking, causing Raven to lose her footing and stumble backwards into the wall.

The vibrations slow, until an eerie silence washes over them. Still standing, Sinclair’s eyes are wide. As soon as she’s hit with the reality of her own failure, Raven collapses, sliding down the wall with her head in her hands.

Sinclair tries to comfort her, kneeling beside the girl and placing a hand on her shoulder. “It isn’t a death sentence for them, Raven,” he says to her, struggling to keep his balance when another aftershock rocks the floor beneath them.

“They could be pioneers. This is a chance at a new life,” he explains, optimism laced in his words. “ _Isn’t that what you would want for Finn?”_


	2. The Dropship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second part, lots goes down here and this is the section of this fic where it's really true to the events and shit in S1. The following parts are gonna start taking their own direction. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated and I love hearing what you've got to say. Enjoy!
> 
> \- Lena (txrches on tumblr/lenajfc on twitter)

Within a day, Octavia’s life has suddenly been divided in two; the time before Earth, and every moment that follows after her feet touch the ground for the first time.

Suddenly, walls don’t exist anymore. She’s boundless. She’s alive. Fresh air fills her lungs and she swears she’s never really  _ breathed _ until now. Everything’s new. She’s been on sensory overload since they touched down and she doesn’t see it stopping anytime soon. 

The days pass in a blur. First, she swears she’s dying when something sweeps her underwater and leaves her with three gashes running down her leg. But even that doesn’t stop her. Bellamy (who somehow was on the dropship) struggles to keep his younger sister contained.

So, within the span of three days, she’s gone swimming for the first time, gotten attacked by a sea monster, found a field full of butterflies,  _ and _ kissed a cute boy. 

Oh, and, to her absolute terror, found that same boy dead, his skin peeling off of his skeleton like ash from a fire. It’s only then that the panic begins to set in. Because suddenly, they’re not immune. 

Tragedy seems to become a given, from then on out. Every day it’s something new. First, it’s members of the group disappearing and never coming back. Then, it’s the acid fog that washes over the camp and leaves Octavia with a sour taste in the back of her throat that won’t go away. She watches Murphy nearly die, and then days later, holds down the hatch of the dropship as Murphy tries to barge through and kill Jasper. 

All in all, this isn’t how she expected things to work out. 

But on the fifth day, something appears in the sky like a sign from above. There’s a streak of purple light that catches Octavia’s attention. And in the wake of all the chaos, she and the rest of the delinquents watch as it grows larger and larger, spiraling overtop of them and making the ground shake when it crashes just a few miles outside of camp.

It’s only then that Raven crosses her mind. She’s felt like a new person from the moment they landed, and she’d been so busy exploring the ground that she hadn’t even had a chance to turn her head upwards and look at the sky. More specifically, the small dot in the distance that Clarke had pointed out as the Ark. Everything that happened there is thousands miles away. Including Raven. Octavia wishes she had a way to give the girl a sign that she was alright – that she’d gotten her adventure. (Maybe not the one she had in mind, but it’s an adventure nonetheless.)

Octavia immediately sets to gathering a search party for the vessel, but Bellamy refuses to let anyone leave camp until morning. But, when Octavia notices him slip out behind the dropship later that evening, she doesn’t hesitate to follow him – lingering behind to keep her presence hidden. 

After walking for god knows how long, Octavia, frustrated with her brother, breaks her silence and hurries forward to confront him in the clearing. And then things get a little more complicated, because now she’s faced with the fact that Bellamy shot the chancellor for a spot on the dropship. And if anyone else gets down to Earth, he’s as good as dead. 

All she can do to avoid breaking down from all her pent up frustration is to storm away, leaving her brother to continue on his own, and her to fend for herself. Which she can do easily, right?

Maybe not. 

She gets lost within a good hour of walking, trying to find her way back to the dropship and the other delinquents. It’s as if she’s been walking in circles this whole time. Everything looks the same. And she swears she’s passed the same rock three times now. But she keeps pushing forwards, because she knows the dropship has to be just within her reach. It just has to.

Suddenly, she’s filled with the overwhelming feeling that she’s being watched. It causes her to pause, standing still in the middle of a clearing. She scans her surroundings carefully. But, she convinces herself she’s hearing things, and picks up a faster pace. She’s anxious to find her way home. 

She hears it again. Footsteps. Or something of the sort. So once more, she freezes in place, and this time she distinctly hears someone (or something) quickly do the same, causing the leaves to rustle above her. Now, desperate to get away, she takes off in the first direction she sees, ducking through brush to try and ward off whatever’s following her. 

It’s as if something’s closing in on her. Maybe she’s paranoid, or maybe she’s actually being chased. Either way, she skids to a stop when she breaks through the trees and finds herself at the top of a steep hill. Running on adrenaline, she glances behind her once more before panicking. Moments later, her ankle gets caught on a rock, twisting her leg and sending her flying down the hill. 

It’s black as soon as her head hits the ground. 

 

* * *

 

Raven’s first encounter with Earth quickly goes downhill. 

Under Abby’s instruction, she’s rehabilitated a small pod on the Ark. At first, Abby was supposed to go down by herself, but Raven coerced her way into tagging along. But when things took a turn, Raven faced the mission alone, sending herself hurdling towards Earth and praying with every cell in her body that she doesn’t die a fiery death.

And then somehow, she’s waking up to the pitter patter of something surrounding her. Her body aches, and she carefully reaches up to feel a gash on her forehead. But she’s alive. And before she has a chance to do anything else, the door of the pod is opening and a blonde head of hair appears. 

Before she knows it, her feet touch the ground and she can feel the light rain on her skin. It makes her reminiscent of the night on the Ark with Octavia, but her mind is quickly preoccupied when a familiar voice calls her name. 

“Finn?”

And then she’s running into his arms - filled with relief that he’s still alive. And she kisses him. Because, well, Finn is her boyfriend. Kind of. He’s just always been there. She’s known him her whole life. It’s easy to love him. It’s safe. 

But reunions are long forgotten as soon as Raven remembers the reason she’s here. The radio. And when they realize it’s gone, Raven, Clarke, and Finn are all pushing their way back through the woods in search of whoever’s gotten to the pod before them. 

It’s only when Clarke mentions Octavia in casual conversation that Raven feels a jolt in her chest. Her eyes immediately turn to Finn, and the only thing she can do is push any feelings she has to the back of her mind. There are more important matters at hand.

* * *

 

 

Octavia’s leg aches. 

She doesn’t know where she is. She awoke in some sort of cave, surrounded by primitive weapons and paintings of some sort. The dangers of Earth now seem too close for comfort. 

But her wound has been cauterized, which confuses her. Whoever’s trapped her here obviously went to great lengths to keep her alive. This only scares her even more. And so, with gritted teeth, she forces her way up to her feet and manages to escape, moving aside a collection of boulders and crawling her way to the surface.

Freedom doesn’t last long, though. Not short after her grand escape, she’s grabbed again. A hand is cupped tightly over her mouth and holds her to watch, wide eyed in fear, as a spear collides with Roma’s chest – right where she would have been standing, if she hadn’t been stopped. 

And that’s how she grows to trust the man who’s saved her life. Only for a moment, though. Because suddenly, she’s being taken right back to where she started – now with her hands chained together in the same cave she awoke in. No matter how much she begs for him to let her go, she can only watch as he ties the opposite end of the chain to the wall and disappears. Frustrated, tired, and scared for her life, Octavia can’t fight back tears any longer.

But she doesn’t give up. That’s not how Octavia works. And that’s how she ends up smashing a rock against the man’s skull when he reappears, and in a whirlwind of events, her brother, along with Finn and Jasper, manage to find her and free her – but not before the grounder is able to grab hold of his dagger and lunge at Finn, burying the blade deep in his side.

 

* * *

 

Octavia first runs into Raven during all the commotion upon her return. 

As soon as they arrive back at camp, Finn is hurried into the dropship. Clarke immediately sends Octavia out to find Monty and grab whatever sort of disinfectant she can find. But not before she manages to get into a screaming match with her brother. And as she storms away, she’s left with his words echoing in her head. 

_ “Mom was floating for having you. She’s dead because you’re alive... I didn’t have a choice. My life ended the day you were born.” _

All she can do is hurry to wipe the tears from her eyes and set out to find Monty. By the time she makes her way back to the dropship with two containers of moonshine in hand, it’s pouring rain outside. Tensions have reached an all time high. 

As Octavia begins dousing the medical supplies in their homemade disinfectant, someone else pushes their way through the crowd of people in the dropship.

“One stitching needle.”

The familiar voice snaps Octavia’s head upwards, where she finds Raven standing only a few feet away. She’s confused, but also relieved. They don’t have time for questions or happy reunions, though. Clarke mentions her need for something to close the wound. Octavia speaks up, mostly because she wants Raven to notice her.

“There’s some wire on the second level,” she nods upwards, drawing the attention of both of the girls. “I used it for the tents.”

Raven stills, her eyes trained straight on Octavia. But there’s too much commotion to catch up with one another. Finn is hurt, and Clarke sends Octavia upstairs to try and gather the wire.

“Stay away from the blue wires that run through the ceiling,” Raven snaps out of her daze and scrambles to call after Octavia, who pauses and turns around slowly. “I rigged them to the solar cells in the roof. That means they’re hot, you got that?”

“Yeah,” Octavia nods quickly. “I’ve got it.” 

As she hurries to climb the ladder onto the second level, she’s reminiscent of the times she’d worked with Raven before. In that moment, her future and her past seem to collide for the first time. And even though she’s left with millions of questions about Raven’s appearance, she’s also focused on the task at hand -- keeping Finn alive.

Before she can grab the wire, though, Bellamy reappears with the grounder in tow. She sees the change in her brother’s eyes when he refuses to listen to Clarke and commands for the grounder to be taken upstairs. Octavia is one of the first to follow. 

She sees a side of these people that she’s never seen before as they tie the grounder up. The same grounder who Octavia is convinced could have let her die -- but he didn’t. She desperately tries to get that across to her brother. But the minute she grabs his arm to try and press her point, Bellamy looks to Miller and Octavia is forced out of the upper level. Reluctantly, she has no choice but to take her place with the rest of the delinquents on the bottom floor, separate from Clarke and Raven. 

She can hear them, though. Her curiosity is sparked and she turns to Monty. “Why is Raven in there?” She asks, struggling to keep her voice from wavering. 

“She’s got control over the radio,” he shrugs. “Plus it’s Finn.”

“Finn?” Octavia tilts her head to the side. 

“But I thought Clarke and Finn were a thing?” Someone else speaks up. Monroe. Octavia looks back and forth between the two delinquents, confused.

“Apparently so are Finn and Raven,” Monty shrugs. Octavia’s heart plummets.

“You’re serious?” She asks, trying to appear as impartial as she can. Monroe nods, and soon the conversation moves on to something else. Octavia, however, tunes herself out and pulls her knees up to her chest. She feels sick.

She doesn’t have much time to wallow in her questions before Clarke is bursting out of the medical room, holding up the dagger with one hand. A few people start to cheer, but the noise fades when they see the distraught look on her face. She starts climbing upwards, and Octavia’s immediately on her feet behind the girl.

Confused, Octavia scrambles up the ladder just in time to find Clarke face to face with the grounder, holding up the dagger between them. She’s screaming, something about the blade being poisoned and Finn dying. 

Soon enough, Clarke and Octavia are begging the grounder to show them the antidote. His eyes stay on Octavia longer, and she does her best to quietly reassure him that it’s okay. But when Bellamy grabs a seatbelt from the wall, Octavia’s pulled back by Miller before she can try to stop him. 

All she can do is watch as Bellamy lashes the belt against the grounder, making him wither in pain. Even Clarke can’t stand to watch it anymore, because after three strikes she desperately tries to get the antidote from him again. 

“Just tell them,” Octavia begs, taking a step forwards. Miller puts out an arm to stop her and she glares at him, her hands curling into fists. This isn’t who they are, and she knows that.

Not soon after, before Octavia can even realize what’s going on, Bellamy is literally  _ driving _ a nail through the grounder’s hand. It’s only then that Octavia has to turn away, feeling her stomach flip. She squeezes her eyes shut.

And then, to make matters worse, someone else scrambles up into the room. Raven. 

“What’s taking so long?” Her voice is desperate. Upon seeing her, Octavia sinks further back into the corner of the room. 

“He won’t tell us anything,” Clarke’s distraught. Raven, however, has other plans. Octavia watches the girl’s shoulders stiffen as her eyes scan the room, landing on the collection of wires she had specifically warned Octavia  _ not to touch _ . Immediately, a cold chill runs down the girl’s spine. 

“Wanna bet?” Raven’s voice is emotionless, and Bellamy doesn’t even have time to stop the girl before she’s ripping the wires from the wall and teasing a spark between them. The lights dim as soon as Raven jabs them into his side, and Octavia’s hand instantly flies up to cover her mouth. Not only can she hear the pain in the grounder’s cries, but she can also see the desperation in Raven’s eyes.

“Which one is it?” Raven’s voice is low and gravely. Silently, Octavia prays for this all to be over. She feels sick. Never in her life has she seen this side of humankind, and part of her wishes she could just retreat back to her cell on the Ark, if only for a moment.

The grounder barely has a chance to recover from the first shock before Raven is at it again. Caught between his cries of pain and Raven’s desperate begging, Octavia’s eyes begin searching the room. When she notices the dagger lying by the hatch, she doesn’t hesitate.

(Meanwhile, Raven is screaming at the grounder. Her words -- “He’s all I have,” -- make Octavia’s eyes burn.)

“No more!” Octavia pushes herself forwards, finally alerting Raven of her presence -- who’s been too distracted to even notice Octavia in the back of the room.

“He’s letting Finn die!” Raven whips her head around and doesn’t hesitate to snap at the girl. Filled with anger, all Octavia can do is shake her head before pressing the tip of the dagger at the middle of her arm and dragging it down to her wrist. Pain sears through her body, but it’s the last thing on her mind. 

(The wires quickly fall from Raven’s hands.)

“He won’t let me die,” Octavia whispers, noting how the grounder tugs against his restraints the moment she brings the dagger to her arm. 

She pulls away from her brother and drops to her knees in front of the grounder, her shaky hands spreading out the small glass vials and looking at him hopefully. “This one?” She looks at him desperately, tapping the dagger against the metal floor.

Eventually, the slightest of nods from the grounder sends Octavia shoving the antidote into Clarke’s hands and quickly moving to wrap something around the cut. It’s only then that she really feels the pain, and she yanks away from Bellamy -- who had the nerve to try and comfort her. 

Raven’s already out of the room before Octavia even has a chance to stand up. But when she sees the grounder’s eyes, looking concerned, she suddenly realizes that she’s got someone else. Someone who just saved her life for the second time in a row. 

* * *

 

 

Even though Octavia’s still hurt from the whole Finn situation, the first thing she does after she’s able to clean up her arm is hurry off to find the girl. Something in her is still hoping for the reunion she’d imagined.

But, after quietly climbing down the ladder, she freezes when she sees that Finn’s awake. Staying hidden, she watches as Raven hurries over to him. She sees the relieved smile on Raven’s face when she realizes Finn’s alive. And her eyes well with tears when she can just make out the words “I thought I lost you,” fall from the girl’s lips.

(Clarke’s watching them longingly, too. But for different reasons.)

So now, giving up all hope of a happy reunion, Octavia hurries her way back upstairs and distracts herself by being the one to tend to the grounder’s wounds. Even Clarke is surprised when he actually doesn’t fight Octavia, who carefully presses the rag to his hands to try and stop the bleeding. It makes Octavia feel a little bit better to have someone who trusts her. Clarke tries to console her, but by now, Octavia has given up all hope of ever connecting with the people here. She’ll have nightmares about what happened that afternoon for days to come.

(When they’re left alone, Octavia discovers his name is Lincoln, and a spark of hope ignites in her chest.)

* * *

 

 

Octavia gets her reunion. Maybe not the one she was hoping for, but it’s a reunion nonetheless. 

She’s snuck up to see the grounder -- Lincoln -- for a second time, bringing him water and cleaning around the gashes on his hands once again. She presses him for information, becoming increasingly more empathetic for the man they’ve been keeping prisoner. But eventually, Miller finds her, and she’s left to storm out of the room, frustrated with the extremes the other delinquents have gone to. More and more, she’s being filled with the nagging notion that she doesn’t fit in here. With them.  

With this in mind, she trudges out of the dropship, her fingers idly playing with the rag in her hands. She yanks aside the opening of one of the tents, ducking into the small shelter. When she stands up, though, her eyes find Raven standing over one of the buckets of water. Octavia hesitates for a moment, thrown off by the unexpected change of events.

She pushes her hesitation aside, though, and tugs up her sleeves as Raven sends the slightest of glances in her direction. Staying silent and keeping her eyes trained downwards, Octavia dunks her rag into the dome-shaped container of water.

It’s quiet for a few moments and Octavia struggles to bite her tongue. She’s not even going to say a word, she decides. She won’t give Raven that pleasure.

“I’d hate to see the other guy,” Raven breaks the silence, noting the various cuts covering Octavia’s body, and the crimson red trail that her rag leaves behind in the water. Octavia can’t keep quiet for any longer. In fact, she doesn’t hesitate to snap back at the girl. 

“You did,” her voice is sharp. “When you were torturing him.” It takes all of her strength to keep her eyes down, and off of Raven.

There’s a pause. Raven takes her time to process Octavia’s words, but replies in a curt, monotone voice that reminds Octavia all-too-much of Nigel. 

“Finn was dying,” Raven’s chin tilts upwards slightly and Octavia’s jaw clenches. “I’m not going to apologize for doing what I had to do.”

Hurt, Octavia gives up on trying to maintain any sort of silence. She pauses for a moment, the void in her ribcage growing larger. “It must suck,” she speaks up, her voice cold. “...To come all the way down here to find out your boyfriend is into somebody else.”

(Raven can practically taste the venom laced in Octavia’s words.)

She regrets speaking as soon as those words leave her mouth, but there’s no way she’s taking them back now. Almost instantly, she can feel Raven’s energy stiffen beside her, and the dark haired girl is quick to crank off the pipe that’s been supplying them water.

“I’m not doing this with you,” Raven deadpans, though her voice seems softer, more vulnerable. And then she’s gone, leaving Octavia alone to scrub the blood from her hands. Equal parts hurt and enraged, Octavia lets the rag fall into the bucket. 

“ _ He’s all I have _ ,” she mutters to herself, imitating Raven’s words from yesterday before storming back out of the tent.

* * *

 

 

Raven sleeps with Finn.

She does it partly because she knows about Clarke, and she’s desperate for some sort of physical affirmation from Finn… some kind of reassurance. But she does it  _ mostly _ because of Octavia. Somehow she’s worked it out as some sort of revenge, and maybe if she sleeps with Finn, she’ll feel something greater, and Octavia will be long forgotten. But maybe she just does it because she’s vulnerable. And lonely. And he’s been there from the start. It’s safe. 

No matter what the reason, she ends up bursting into his tent and climbing on top of him before he even has time to process what she’s doing. She grows frustrated when he keeps trying to separate them, insisting his has to tell her something. Raven ignores it. 

“Something happened,” he blurts out breathlessly, managing to get his hands on Raven’s shoulders and pull her away for a moment. His eyes hold onto hers, waiting for a reaction.

“Finn,” she’s quick to interrupt him before he can say anything else that she doesn’t want to hear. Maybe if she just avoids the truth, it will disappear completely. “I know and I don’t want to talk about it.”

(She’d be fine with not discussing the fact that Finn’s into someone else. Maybe because,  _ possibly _ , she’s into someone else too.)

“Ever,” she adds, her facade quickly fading.

And then she asks him if he loves her, because she’s craving that affirmation. If she has someone who loves her, it will all be okay. So when he replies with a quiet “ _ always _ ,” it’s more than enough for her. 

Although, to her dismay, she still finds herself feeling empty afterwards. Maybe even more than before.

 

* * *

 

The day turns into chaos before either of the girls have a chance to try and make things right. 

Octavia finds herself surrounded by a pack of babbling idiots -- thanks to some type of berry they’d scavenged that nurtured a hallucinogenic high for those who ingested it. She first has to comfort a terrified Jasper when he screams, swearing he’s seen a grounder. It’s then that the tiny spark of an idea forms in her head -- and once she’s managed to calm him down, she’s clambering up the ladder to find Lincoln. 

She explains her plan to him, bringing him a clean change of clothes. She can usher him out unnoticed in all of this commotion. 

Something else happens, though. Just as they’re about to go down the ladder, he kisses her. And she feels something. And she kisses back. And once he’s gone, disappearing into the woods, it’s only then that Octavia thinks of Raven. 

 

* * *

 

That night, once the high has worn off from the crowd and the chaos has died down, Clarke and Bellamy return toting a collection of guns. When the drop their packs to the ground and the weapons spill out, Octavia feels sick. Everything they’ve become is everything she despises. She remains quiet, slipping away the first chance she gets.

Later that night, on the way back to her tent, Raven spots a figure leant up against the fence, wrapped in one of the orange blankets from the dropship. She pauses. Octavia. 

Raven’s in an alright mood, considering she feels a bit safer now that they’ve found guns to defend themselves. She won’t admit it to anyone, but the prospect of being hunted by a group of primitive Earth warriors doesn’t sit too well with her. She’s still young. She’s scared.

She’s immediately reminded of Octavia’s comments from earlier that day. And although she should be mad, she finds herself feeling guilty. Guilty because she knows what Octavia thinks about her. It’s not that she meant to keep Finn a secret. She just… it never came up in conversation. And then when Octavia kissed her, it was too late. 

Running on blind courage, Raven glances toward her tent one last time before changing her path and jogging over to the girl. She slowly leans against the other side of the fence opening. Octavia doesn’t acknowledge her presence. 

“Nice jacket,” Raven blurts out the first thing she can think of. And although Octavia is dead-set on keeping her silence, Raven notices how the girl’s eyes look down to and her hands rub her sleeve between her fingers, still wearing the dark blue jacket Raven had laid across her shoulders on the Ark. 

Stubbornly, Octavia clenches her jaw and continues staring out into the wilderness. 

Sighing, Raven racks her brain for something else to spur conversation. She’s making an effort to engage the girl -- something she normally doesn’t do. Usually, Raven’s the one to hold grudges. But she’s met her match with Octavia. 

“Aren’t you gonna ask me how I managed to get down here?” Raven speaks up once more. She looks at Octavia hopefully, but the girl doesn’t even flinch. But just as Raven is about to give up and retreat, Octavia breaks her silence.

“Don’t you have someone you’d rather be with?” Her voice is low, and she doesn’t even move to look at Raven -- staring straight ahead as if she’s talking to the forest. It’s more of a statement than a question, her way of dismissing Raven from trying to repair things between them.

“I--,” Raven opens her mouth to speak but slowly purses her lips back together, effectively silenced by the girl. She’s not sure there’s much more for her to say. Giving up, she just nods once to show her defeat. Raven takes a step backwards.

“I’m ready to talk when you are,” she adds quietly. She can just make out the slightest tilt of Octavia’s head upwards, and takes that as enough of an answer. Octavia’s left by herself once again as Raven disappears back into camp.

(When Raven returns to her tent, she finds Clarke has already gotten to Finn before she could. Even though the two weren’t doing anything, the look they give Raven when she wanders in is as if they’d just been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been. It haunts Raven for the rest of the night.)

(Along with the idea that she’s effectively failed Octavia.)

 

* * *

 

For the next few days, Raven spends her time checking the gunpowder in their rounds. They’re preparing for some sort of attack, which they’ve deemed inevitable. Plus, she needs something to keep her mind busy. 

Octavia, in the meantime, has taken up a disappearing act. Part of Raven wonders if she’s actively avoiding her. 

Avoiding may be a strong word. For Octavia, she sneaks out of camp and meets with Lincoln to try and deny Raven’s existence altogether. It’s not avoidance. It’s more like denial.

Though, she really does like Lincoln. He doesn’t treat her like a kid, and through him, she’s learned all about the world he’s from. His culture fascinates her, and she often spends her time in his cave, paging through his book of sketches from the lands he’s traveled. Through him, her knowledge of the ground slowly expands. 

He even teaches her how to fight. At first, she doesn’t want to learn. But he insists that she needs to know how to protect herself. And she can’t argue with that, after all she’s seen on her time on the ground. So he places an old dagger in her hands and they practice sparring. 

She even manages to sneak up on him. He always teased her about her “heavy feet,” but she’s able to slip out of camp one day, and remain as quiet as a mouse as she crawls into the cave and moves up behind him. 

When he realizes it’s her, she lets her defenses fall and tosses the dagger aside. And then he’s kissing her. And then things follow. And the entire time, Raven doesn’t cross Octavia’s mind once. 

But, when her and Lincoln emerge from the cave to find Finn searching for them, Octavia still feels that pang of anger toward the boy who crushed her spirits. There’s no time for jealousy, though, because Finn presents them with a master plan -- one so crazy that it might actually work -- seeking peace with the grounders.

* * *

 

 

The following morning, at the break of dawn, Octavia leads Finn and Clarke to the bridge that Lincoln instructed them to gather at. In an attempt to keep the delinquents safe, they’ve arranged some sort of meeting with the grounder’s leader. Octavia is hesitant to try and bring these two worlds together, but Lincoln convinces her that it’s worth a try. 

She holds out her hand to slow Finn and Clarke down, peering through the brush in front of them. The bridge is empty. They’re the first to arrive. Slowly, she nods for them to follow her out in the open. 

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Finn and Octavia, Clarke has been leaving a trail for Bellamy and a few others to follow. Although the original deal had been no weapons, Bellamy insisted on bringing backup. Just in case. 

That’s how Raven ended up squished between Jasper and Bellamy, ducked down at the bottom of the bridge, and peering up through the scope of her gun. She’ll deny it if asked, but when she realized Octavia was going, she forced Bellamy to bring her along. Just in case.

So, Raven sees Octavia tug Clarke and Finn to the opening of the bridge. She sees them jump at a rustling in the bushes. She sees someone emerge, and when Octavia suddenly runs to jump into his arms, Raven comes to realize a few things.

“I guess we know how he got away,” she notes, her grip on the gun tightening. 

Finn grabbing Clarke’s hand is just the icing on the cake, and Bellamy has to physically push Raven’s gun down to stop her from firing a few warning shots toward them.

When the grounders arrive, Raven’s too focused on Octavia to notice the fact that they’re being watched. Jasper is the one to spot a grounder in the trees above them, with his bow pointed straight at where Clarke and the fur-clad grounder woman stand. 

Everything happens so quickly after that. There’s gunfire from all sides, and a bow whizzes past Raven, narrowly missing her and Jasper. She’s too busy firing rounds up into the trees to think to retreat, and eventually Bellamy has to drag her back into the dense woods. She tugs out of his grip. 

“Your sister’s up there!” is the first thing she thinks to yell, challenging Bellamy -- who is trying to get out of there as fast as he can. Raven’s gripping her gun so tightly that her knuckles are turning white. 

Jasper has to assure the girl over and over that he saw Octavia and Finn disappear back into the woods before she’ll move any further. But not before Raven, bitter, can fire two more warning shots in the direction of the bridge. 

* * *

 

 

Both groups meet up just before they make it back to camp, and Raven can’t help but be relieved that Octavia isn’t injured. Jasper, Bellamy, Clarke, Finn, Raven, and Octavia all skid to a stop just outside the dropship, and suddenly everyone is fighting with one another. But amidst the chaos, Raven manages to meet Octavia’s eyes, sending her a silent question. And to her surprise, Octavia just gives her the slightest of nods back.  _ She’s not hurt _ . That’s the first time they’ve had any sort of communication in days. 

Before Raven has a chance to do anything else, though, Octavia speaks up.

“You ruined everything,” she snaps, glaring at Jasper, who’d shot the first shot and caused the chaos to break out. And then she’s gone, storming off and disappearing through the gates of the camp. 

(Raven’s just glad she’s okay.)

Retaliation soon follows, but not how anyone expected. 

Murphy reappears. Octavia’s one of the first to find him, covered in blood, half-dead outside their camp. It’s not hard to tell what’s happened to him, and Clarke concludes this when she sees how his fingernails were torn off. Grounders.

Bellamy wants to kill him on the spot -- he even goes as far as pointing a gun to him. But Clarke stops him, insisting that they nurse Murphy back to health in order to figure out what he knows. The more they know their enemy, the better, she explains. 

But then, something spreads through the camp like wildfire. Whatever the grounders did to Murphy suddenly reigns terror over the rest of the hundred. Biological warfare. Sickness runs rampant, leaving a bloody trail in its wake. 

Octavia only hears about this when Bellamy bursts into her tent, distraught. At first she’s annoyed when he questions her about finding Murphy, and then she’s being dragged to the dropship, filled to the brim with half-dead, zombie-like patients. It makes Octavia shiver, seeing these people so weak. 

Clarke, holding a cloth over her mouth, uses a flashlight to check Octavia’s eyes and ears. She’s not sick, yet, but Clarke insists on keeping her in the dropship to try and prevent the disease from spreading any more than it already has. Octavia, annoyed that she’s chained down, starts to make her way upstairs. But as soon as Bellamy’s gone, Clarke’s recruiting the help of the green-eyed girl, sending her to go see Lincoln and recover some sort of antidote. 

Octavia hurries off. She’s starting to feel like she actually has a purpose here, something she hasn’t felt before. However, when she hurries into Lincoln’s cave, breathlessly trying to explain what’s happened, she quickly becomes aware of how he’s subtly checking her for signs of illness. He knew. 

Before she can even process what’s happened, Lincoln is explaining to her how he’s leaving -- his people don’t trust him. (It’s because of her, Octavia realizes. She feels more guilty than ever.) And then, Lincoln proposes that she come with him. In a drastic change of events, Octavia discovers that the grounders have planned an attack against the delinquents. 

And without thinking, Octavia agrees to leave with Lincoln before the attack. (When offered an alternative to death, what is she supposed to do?) But not before she returns back to camp to warn her people of what’s to come. 

And when she reappears, pushing her way through the crowd of teenagers to announce what she’s discovered -- an attack at first light -- she notices Raven’s face among them, and is immediately regretful of the promise she’d made to Lincoln. 

* * *

 

 

Finn didn’t hesitate. 

The minute Raven notices that Clarke is sick, she also notices how Finn is only steps away from her. It’s as if he’s waiting for her to fall so he can be the one to catch her. And fall she does -- right into Finn’s arms. Raven’s jaw clenches. 

She doesn’t have time to process this, though, because soon Octavia is returning with a warning that makes everyone’s blood runs cold. Raven stands frozen, letting Octavia’s words sink in while she watches the younger girl hurry to help Finn and Clarke back into the dropship. Something shifts in her in that moment. A cold air blows over the camp.

* * *

 

 

Raven’s the one who proposes the idea for a bomb. 

If they can dismantle the bridge, they can slow down the impending grounder attack. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s about the only one they’ve got. And so she’s cooped up in her tent, solely building the weapon of mass destruction that could determine their fate for good. (No pressure.)

Once the bomb is finished, she calls in Finn and Bellamy to demonstrate how to assemble it. However, when Finn volunteers to risk his life by planting the bomb, Raven’s concern grows. But then Bellamy shows signs of illness, and in that moment -- Raven makes a silent decision. 

* * *

 

 

Octavia’s busy working in the dropship, tending the the sick delinquents, when Bellamy is brought into the room. Immediately, she’s filled with fear. She’s already seen this disease take the lives of some of the other kids.  _ If she loses her brother _ … Octavia shakes her head and hurries over to him. His skin is burning hot, and she makes him a teary promise that nothing bad will happen to him. Fiercely loyal, she remains glued to his side once he falls asleep.

It’s only when they run out of water that Octavia is forced to leave the dropship to gather more. But the moment she pushes aside the tarp, someone catches her attention. 

Raven’s eyes widen when they meet Octavia’s, and without thinking, she ushers the girl over. Surprisingly, Octavia doesn’t hesitate to jog over the girl -- even though she was set on keeping her silence, something about the panic she senses in Raven is enough to push that aside.

“What’s going on?” Octavia asks breathlessly, noticing the heavy backpack Raven is carrying. All Raven can do is shake her head, before grabbing Octavia’s arm and pulling her into one of the large tents. 

“I know that look,” Octavia speaks up again, beginning to panic. Her eyes scan Raven’s face worriedly. “That’s the look you get on your face when you’re about to do something stupid.”

“Don’t ask questions,” Raven shakes her head. “Listen, I--I need you to cover for me.”

“But--,” Octavia begins, but her words disappear the moment Raven reaches out and grabs her hand. 

“ _ Octavia _ ,” the brown eyed girl looks at her, silently begging her with her eyes. “Please.”

And because the fact that Raven’s holding her hand has turned her entire face bright red, all Octavia can do is nod, flustered. And with that, Raven’s gone without another word.

* * *

 

 

Things start to blur together after that. All Octavia knows is that she’s about to do something, something stupid, that could possibly cost her her life. But for her, it’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. 

And as she quietly slips back into Lincoln’s cave and breaks the news to him -- that she’s not going, she can’t leave her people -- she’s saying a silent prayer that Raven will be alright. Although it hurts to leave Lincoln, someone she really does care about, it feels like the right thing to do. Octavia isn’t the kind of person to give up and run away. (She may give you the silent treatment for a few days, but that doesn’t count as giving up.)

She gently hands Lincoln his sketchbook back, and plants a shaky kiss to his cheek. She can’t meet his eyes again after that, and she’s gone before he can try and convince her otherwise -- effectively ending whatever relationship they had. 

With tears in her eyes, Octavia hurries back to the camp. But before she can make it there, there’s an explosion that shakes the ground, and nearly sends her falling back off of her feet. Immediately, her mind turns to Raven. A new type of fear washes over her, and as the smoke begins to billow up from the horizon, Octavia breaks into a sprint in the direction of camp. 

She arrives back to find everyone with their eyes trained on the sky, watching the aftermath of the explosion. It makes Octavia sick. It’s as if they’re  _ proud _ of what they’ve done. Sure, it’s something they had to do to survive, she understands that. But there’s no pride in what they’ve done. None at all. 

Octavia paces nervously for a while, until finally someone calls out “they’re back!” and Jasper and Monty push their way through the gates. Octavia offers Jasper a sad smile, but he’s too busy celebrating whatever kind of victory he thinks he’s won to notice. 

However, her smile fades when she sees someone else stumble into camp. Raven. Finn’s holding her up, otherwise she wouldn’t be standing. Her face is drained of color and Octavia is effectively frozen in place. All she can do is watch Clarke and Finn carry the girl into the dropship, as fear washes over her in waves. 

Long after the crowd has dispersed, she’s left standing there, staring at the dropship nervously and rubbing the material of her jacket between her fingers.

* * *

 

 

Octavia’s not sure how long she’s been sitting here. Ever since Raven returned to camp in Finn’s arms, Octavia’s been waiting, curled up in a ball outside the dropship. It’s been a few hours by the time Finn reemerges, and Octavia’s nearly dozed off. But, when she hears the rustling of the tarp being opened, her head shoots up -- and as soon as Finn’s out of sight, she’s scrambling to her feet and hurrying into the dropship. 

She immediately notices Murphy -- now healed and helping the other delinquents -- wringing out a rag by the door. When he stands up, he’s face to face with Octavia, who takes the rag from his hands and gives him a soft nod. “I’ve got it from here.”

“Whatever you say,” Murphy raises his hands as if he’s surrendering, and waltzes out of the dropship. Octavia’s left alone. Calming herself down by taking a deep breath, she squeezes the rag with both hands and looks around the room slowly. Immediately, she finds Raven among the other sleeping patients, in a hammock suspended between a few beams in the dropship. 

Octavia makes her way over quietly, as to not wake anyone. For a few moments, she just stands near Raven’s hammock, studying the sleeping girl. She’s pale. Her face is an ashen grey color and it makes Octavia’s skin crawl. In that moment, she hates Lincoln for letting this happen. 

She’s hesitant at first, hovering the rag above Raven’s forehead, as if she could break the girl by touching her. Just as she presses the damp rag against Raven’s hot skin, brown eyes flutter open. Octavia recoils as if she’s just been burned.

“O?” Raven blinks a few times. Her voice is weak and the sound of it makes Octavia worry.

“I-I was just…” Octavia tries to explain herself, holding up the rag in her hands. Raven just nods half-heartedly, slumping back in the hammock. When Octavia just remains frozen in place, Raven looks at her questioningly. 

“Uh… here,” Octavia clears her throat and abandons the rag, hurrying across the room to retrieve one of the tin cans they’d been using for water. With shaky hands, she returns to Raven’s side, who allows Octavia to help her sit up slightly. Holding the girl’s chin, Octavia guides her to take a drink from the cup. Her hands won’t stop shaking. Octavia kicks herself for being scared to simply  _ touch _ the girl.

“I ended things with Finn,” Raven blurts out suddenly as Octavia’s turned around, rinsing out the tin cup. She freezes, letting Raven’s words circle her mind over and over. Octavia’s confused as to how she’s supposed to feel. All she can do is tuck that information away in the back of her mind, but remain silent. 

Octavia busies herself by moving around the room to collect the dirty towels and rags from that day. She knows Raven is waiting for her to say something, but she just can’t. Eventually, though, she tries to change the subject.

“I wouldn’t have covered for you if I knew you were going on a suicide mission,” she says quietly, her back turned to Raven as she hangs up the old towels on the rungs of the ladder. She pauses, listening when she hears Raven adjust her position in the hammock.

“Yeah, well it worked, didn’t it?” 

Octavia, still with her back turned, just nods softly. She can’t bring herself to meet Raven’s eyes again -- her hands have  _ just _ stopped shaking. So she keeps herself busy, floating around the room and tidying things up. The entire time, she swears she can feel Raven’s eyes on her. 

Some time passes, leaving a void of empty silence between them. Eventually, Octavia fights the lump in her throat. “I’m ready to talk--,” she starts, but swallows her words the minute she turns around and her eyes land on Raven, fast asleep. Her heart drops.

“ _ Maybe later _ ,” she whispers under her breath, sighing as she takes up her position against the wall, keeping watch over the dropship for the remainder of the night. She figures the least she can do is keep Raven safe, even if it goes unnoticed.

 

* * *

A few days pass. Octavia’s slunk back into the shadows, keeping quiet and observing everyone from a distance. The attack is just days away now -- they’re all living on the verge of insanity. Bellamy’s nearly lost it, yelling at anyone who slacks off for even a moment. Octavia does her best to stay out of his way. 

Raven’s almost made a full recovery from the sickness that nearly could’ve taken her life. After the night in the dropship, Octavia took up her post  _ outside _ the building, trying to avoid the awkward conversation that would ensue if Raven knew she was practically standing guard over her. 

However, after getting little to no sleep last night, Octavia’s made a decision. 

For most of the day, she’s partnered up with Monty and Jasper, setting up traps around the camp. Earlier that morning, the smokehouse had burnt down, nearly collapsing on Octavia and Murphy. All their meat was inedible -- burnt to a crisp. So now, their main priority has to be food. Because if they don’t eat, they can’t fight. Clarke, Finn, and a few of the other delinquents have taken the guns and spread out in the woods in hopes of finding something salvageable. 

But, as the horizon starts to darken, Octavia slips away from the rest of the group. She stands outside Raven’s tent, shaking out her hands nervously before peeking in. 

“Raven?”

The dark haired girl turns around quickly, scanning Octavia and sending her a questioning look. “Hm?”

“Do you wanna maybe… meet me on the roof of the dropship, in like ten minutes?” She proposes hopefully, wringing her hands together. Raven, confused, studies Octavia for a few moments. 

“Yeah, sure?” Raven nods slowly. “Is something--?” She starts to question the girl, but as soon as Octavia’s gotten an answer, she takes off, leaving a confused Raven in her wake. 

Nonetheless, when ten minutes pass, Raven finds herself climbing up the ladder on the side of the dropship and pulling herself up onto the roof. Octavia’s already there, sitting on the edge with her legs draped over the side. It’s almost as if they’re in a room of their own -- up there on the roof. The top of the dropship is surrounded by trees, making it impossible for anyone to see it from the ground. However, standing at the top of the dropship and looking down, Raven can make out every inch of their camp. She clears her throat to try and catch Octavia’s attention.

Startled, Octavia looks around to find Raven standing a few feet behind her. It’s dark, and she just nods softly, scooting over to make room for the girl beside her. Raven’s still unsure of why she’s here, but she sits down slowly. 

“I figured now’s as good a time to talk as any,” Octavia says quietly, sitting cross legged on the edge of the roof. “I’ve been… kind of… avoiding it for a while.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Raven laughs, somewhat bitterly. It’s suddenly set in why Octavia’s brought her here. To be honest, she’s been avoiding it just as much as Octavia has. 

Octavia just clears her throat awkwardly, picking at a patch of dried paint on the roof. Neither of them knows what to say. 

Eventually, Raven leans back on her hands and sighs softly. “I’m sorry,” she mutters, almost inaudible. Octavia’s head picks up and she looks at Raven, not saying anything, but her eyes are begging for some sort of explanation.

“It’s not that…” Raven jumps to defend herself, but catches her words before they leave her mouth. She’s not sure how she’s going to explain this to Octavia. “I didn’t intent to…”

“To lead me on?” Octavia grows frustrated and finishes the girl’s sentence for her. “You didn’t mean to make me think something was going on between us and then--,” 

“When did I ever do that?” Raven sits up slightly, feeling the need to defend herself. “When did I ever make you think something was going on?”

“You--,” Octavia pauses. Something in her recoils then. Because she’s overanalyzed this. Maybe she was so wrapped up in the idea of Raven that she’s misinterpreted these signs for something more than what they were. She quickly looks away. “You never even mentioned him.”

“I didn’t feel the need to,” Raven’s voice softens slightly. “He never came up in conversation.”

“But you should have known!” Octavia turns to face her, feeling something build up in her chest. “You knew that I--,” she trails off, shaking her head and looking away. “You should’ve known.”

“I didn’t want to push you away,” Raven confesses. “I liked having your company. I thought if I--,”

“Even after we kissed!” Octavia doesn’t even think before she interrupts Raven. She sees the girl’s eyes widen at the mention of their kiss -- something they’d never talked about directly. It’s too late for her to take her words back. “You never said a word about him, Raven! You knew!” 

It’s at this point that Raven grows defensive in order to save herself, and she quickly shakes her head. “Oh no, don’t you dare turn this on me,” she sits up straighter, her voice growing colder. Octavia fights the urge to recoil. “Last time I checked,  _ you  _ were the one who kissed  _ me _ , Octavia,” she stares the girl down. “This was all you, this entire time, it’s just been  _ you _ .”

Immediately, Raven regrets the words that spill out of her mouth when she sees Octavia’s entire disposition shift, as if Raven’s words were a bullet that pierced straight through her. She sees the physical change in Octavia, how her shoulders fall and her mouth opens slightly, as if she wants to say something, but she’s left speechless. 

“Octavia, I--,” Raven starts, holding a hand out to try and apologize. But Octavia’s eyes have already welled with tears, and she thrashes out of Raven’s reach. All Raven can do is watch as the younger girl scrambles to her feet and storms off, leaving her alone to ruminate in the words that she’s just fired -- words that were nowhere near the truth -- but words that she knows Octavia will repeat to herself over and over. 

Raven feels sick. 

* * *

 

 

Raven’s on edge for the rest of the night. 

The littlest things have been setting her off. She’s already snapped at a handful of delinquents for putting too much wood in the fire. And now, a comment from Murphy sends her off the deep end -- and she feels this need, this  _ urge _ to do something. So when she goes searching for Octavia and finds Bellamy instead, it all happens so fast that she barely has time to realize what she’s doing. 

And that’s how she ends up sleeping with Bellamy -- something she regrets as soon as it happens. To make matters worse, Bellamy won’t stop questioning her. He knows something’s wrong. And as she’s getting dressed, making her way out of the tent, she doesn’t bother lying to him when he asks if it made her feel any better. She just gives him a curt “no,” before disappearing. 

* * *

 

 

Things only get worse.

Raven’s planned on returning a pair of walkie talkies to Monty and then heading off to bed. But before that can happen, Monty’s pointing out how Clarke and Finn’s hunting party has yet to return. (Raven realizes she hasn’t even thought about Finn at all that day. She feels guilty for  _ not _ feeling guilty.)

And to make things even crazier, Bellamy doesn’t hesitate to place Octavia and Raven together to join the search party, having only one walkie left. She glances over at Octavia, but the girl won’t even acknowledge her presence. She just trudges off into the woods, leaving Raven to scramble behind her to keep up. 

They walk for a while in silence. Octavia struggles to hold the heavy gun on her shoulder. The quiet weighs on both of them like an impending storm, and Raven has to say  _ something _ , because she can’t stand the sound of absolute nothingness.

“This morning,” she starts, startling Octavia, who pauses for a moment before she resumes walking. “This morning all I could think about was how much easier this would all be if Finn was just…” she pauses, looking over to Octavia and feeling the lump in her throat rise. “ _ Gone _ ,” she whispers.

Octavia, frustrated with Raven’s moping, finally turns to face her. 

“You didn’t wish this into being, Raven,” she meets the girls eyes for a few moments before shaking her head and looking away. “Stop torturing yourself.” 

All Raven can do is sigh heavily. Because she knows, in Octavia fashion, the girl has just told her to get over herself.

Before anything else can be said between them, Monty’s voice crackles over the radio, sounding panicked. And then, the rustling of bushes in front of them sends Octavia scrambling to raise her gun. Raven’s fists tighten around the radio.

“There’s someone in the bushes,” Raven keeps her voice low and speaks into the radio before raising her gun and following Octavia, inching closer to the brush. But when Octavia pushes the leaves aside, it’s not a grounder, it’s Myles -- the third delinquent who had accompanied Clarke and Finn that morning. And when Raven asks about Clarke and Finn, the only word that follows is “ _ grounders _ .” 

Right away, Octavia sees the change in Raven. She quickly steps up when Bellamy tries to lead them back to camp -- pressing the search for Clarke and Finn, for Raven’s sake. But all Bellamy does is apologize to Raven -- who’s already isolating herself, pushing aside her emotions and hurrying back to camp. Octavia’s quick to follow.

She tosses her gun aside once they make it back to camp and scrambles to follow Raven into the dropship. 

“Raven, wait,” she blurts out, ducking into room, but skids to a stop when she notices Murphy is there too. He pauses, looking back and forth between Raven and Octavia -- red-faced and disheveled from their time in the woods -- and smirks.

“Two Blakes in one day?” He raises an eyebrow and turns to Raven. “Damn, Reyes. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

Raven’s entire body freezes. All Octavia can do is look back and forth between the two, confused and in need of an explanation. She’s not one to believe Murphy, but when she looks to Raven for an answer, the look on her face is enough validation. 

“ _ I can’t believe you _ ,” Octavia hisses, shaking her head and pushing past Raven and Murphy, yanking the tarps out of her way. 

She curls and uncurls her fists as she trudges past the rows of tents, bursting into the largest one. She’s breathing heavily now, out of anger, and Bellamy immediately can tell something is wrong when she stares him down from across the small tent. 

“What?” He looks at her, confused.

“How could you?!” she screams, lunging at him and pushing him backward. He stumbles a few steps but manages to grab Octavia’s wrists before she can go at him again. 

“What are you talking about?” He whisper-yells, looking around to make sure she hasn’t caused a scene. Octavia feels the fire-red rage built up inside her slowly begin to fade, and then suddenly, she’s breathing in shakily and falling into her brother’s arms before he can see her cry. 

Everything hits her at once -- the impending attack, the fact that she’s barely gotten any sleep in the past week, losing Lincoln, and at the forefront of her mind -- Raven. 

Bellamy does his best to comfort her, trying to pry some sort of answer out of his little sister. But all he’s able to do is sit with her as she cries into his shoulder, and tuck her in when she eventually exhausts herself and she’s unable to fight sleep any longer. 

(Although, something inside of him makes him lie to Raven when she asks him if he’s seen Octavia. Slowly, he comes to understand.)

 

* * *

 

At first light, Octavia is awake and pretending that last night’s events didn’t happen. Luckily, it’s pretty easy to keep her mind off of things. With the impending grounder attack, she’s been floating around camp all morning, helping the other delinquents secure the borders and set up trip wires. 

They’ve gotten the whole north barrier enforced before high noon. Octavia’s hands are red and raw, aching from lugging log after log across camp. Eventually, her group splits up for the time being, and she finds herself stealing a handful of berries from someone’s tent and sneaking behind the dropship, eating as fast as she can and savoring the flavor -- praying that they give her a burst of energy. 

She tries to shake off her nerves. Sure, she’s done a lot of growing up in her short amount of time on the ground, but the small child in her still trembles at the mention of this war that’s being waged. But Octavia knows better than to let her fear show. Instead, she swallows it and only revisits it in solace, where no one will know she’s actually terrified. 

She stands up, and just as she’s about to hurry back out to see what else she can do to help, something is whizzing past her ear with such great a force that even her hair blows aside. Octavia freezes, hearing the  _ clunk _ of something lodging itself into the tree beside her. Holding her breath, she turns her head slowly, inches away from the sharp weapon that’s now stuck deep in the wood. Her eyes widen.

Something rustles in front of her, and before she can think, she’s suddenly face to face with Raven -- who looks just as shocked as she is. Raven’s eyes move back and forth from the dagger to Octavia, and her mouth forms a slight ‘O.’

“What’re you doing back here?” Raven narrows her eyes at the girl, jogging over to yank the homemade dagger out of the tree. She examines the blade, brushing it off with the sleeve of her jacket. “You’re supposed to be working.”

“I could say the same for you,” Octavia plays off of Raven’s cold tone, tilting her chin up slightly and giving the girl a knowing look. “What’s this?” She snatches the dagger out of Raven’s hands before the girl can argue. 

Raven, offput by Octavia’s sudden callousness, feels herself shrinking under the girl’s cold glare. She looks down as Octavia studies the weapon. “Did you make this?”

“What’s it matter to you?” Raven tries to match Octavia’s indifferent manner. All Octavia can do is shrug and carelessly toss the dagger back to her, which Raven scrambles to catch. 

“I’ve gotta get back to work,” Octavia tears her eyes away from Raven’s. Raven, frustrated, mimics Octavia and starts to storm away in the opposite direction. However, Octavia pauses when she hears something catch in the girl’s breath, and turns around to find Raven has stumbled, catching herself against the back of the dropship. Nervously, Octavia watches as Raven’s entire resolve crumbles. Raven punches the metal structure with one hand and leans her forehead against it, exhaling shakily. 

Octavia watches somewhat pensively, fighting the urge that tells her to run -- to retreat as fast as she can and just pretend nothing happened. But she sees Raven’s dagger fall out of her grip because her hands are shaking so much, and she gets the feeling that she isn’t the only one who’s been overworking herself to the point of exhaustion. 

“Hey,” Octavia, who’s been balancing with one foot on either side of the fence, finally jumps in with both feet and makes her way over to the girl’s side. She grabs Raven’s hand, turning her wrist upwards and pressing two fingers to check for a pulse, knowing of Raven’s history with her heart murmur. Raven only lets her do this for a few seconds before she tugs her hand out of Octavia’s grip. 

“Just go, Octavia,” she mutters, weakly pushing the girl aside. Octavia stumbles backwards and studies the girl for a few moments, before simply nodding and slipping back around the dropship without another word.

Once Octavia’s gone, Raven finds herself…  _ disappointed _ . As if Octavia’s leaving without a fight meant something bigger. However, something in Raven is relieved when Octavia returns only a few minutes later, carrying a blanket and some food she’s gathered, wrapped up in a cloth. 

Quietly, the green eyed girl sits down beside Raven, who’s slid down the side of the dropship and let her head lean backwards. Unsure of what to say, Octavia shyly nudges the blanket into Raven’s lap. Raven glares at her, but when she meets Octavia’s hopeful eyes, she gives in and lets the girl wrap the blanket around her shoulders. 

Octavia pulls her knees up against her chest and quietly nudges the cloth of food closer to Raven. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Raven mumbles. 

“I’ve been working all morning,” Octavia tilts her head to the side. “I can afford to take a few minutes off. I--,”

“No. Not that,” Raven shakes her head. “You’re supposed to be mad at me.”

“Since when are you allowed to tell me how I’m supposed to feel?” Octavia raises an eyebrow, subtly scooting the food even closer to Raven with her foot. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Raven, either, who begrudgingly plucks a berry from the pile.

Raven just sighs. “If I were you, I would hate me right now.”

“Byegones,” Octavia just shrugs, looking down at her hands. “If these really are the last moments of peace before… whatever happens… I think I can set aside any hurt feelings I have.” She sighs and shakes her head. “It’s not worth it.” She glances at Raven and then nods towards the food. “Eat.”

“You as nervous as I am for this?” Raven glances over at the girl upon her mention of the camp’s conflict. Octavia closes her eyes for a few moments, exhaling slowly, and nods. 

“I don’t see this ever ending,” Raven mutters. She leans her head back, resting it against the cold metal of the dropship and gazing upwards. “If we make it through this, it won’t last long. Something else will come along and uproot everything again.”

All Octavia can do is nod. And she stays like that -- curled up beside Raven, until she looks over and realizes the girl has slowly lolled off to sleep. Octavia glances around them before gently fixing the blanket over Raven’s shoulders, tidying the food back up, and resuming her position beside the girl, to take watch.

She tells herself she’s not going to fall asleep. But as she sits there, with Raven’s quiet breathing beside her, she can’t fight it when her eyelids start to grow heavy. She loses the battle to sleep rather easily, with her head slowly slumping over to take its place on Raven’s shoulder. 

* * *

 

 

When Octavia wakes, she’s alone.

At first, she panics as she comes to, unsure of where she is. But when she feels the heavy blanket draped over her, she slowly realizes how she ended up there. Groggily, she gathers her things and makes her way back into camp. 

Right away, there’s an anxious murmur around her. She pulls Harper aside to ask her what’s going on, and then moments later she’s sprinting through camp as fast as she can, nearly running straight into Bellamy.

“I just heard Murphy has Jasper,” she breathes out in a panic, looking back and forth from her brother to the dropship. But for some reason, Bellamy brushes off her comment and inquires about the barricade. Frustrated, Octavia pushes him aside and stomps towards the closed dropship.

“Murphy!” She yells, curling her hands into fists. “Murphy if you even  _ touch _ Jasper I swear to god you’re--!”

“Octavia!” Bellamy hisses, cutting her off. “I got this,” he glares at her. Octavia’s not quick to believe him, though.

“Really?” She snaps back. “Cause it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything about it.”

“Bell.”

And then Raven appears, with her hands shoved in her pockets, she keeps her voice low as she turns to Bellamy. Octavia’s eyes scan her up and down, confused.

“You were right,” Raven nods towards Bellamy, and then glances over to Octavia. “There’s a loose panel in the back. If I can pop it, we can get in through the floor.” She meets Octavia’s eyes for a few seconds before looking back to Bellamy. 

“Good. Do it,” he nods. And with that, Raven’s hurrying back around the dropship. Octavia watches her leave, whispering a quiet “sorry” to Bellamy, and takes a few steps back to join the crowd of people who have gathered.

And then, in some tragic turn of events, Bellamy is offering to take Jasper’s place -- an offer Murphy can’t refuse to pass up. All Octavia can do it watch anxiously as the door of the dropship opens slowly, and she grabs hold of Bellamy, promising she’ll get him out. But all he does is put her in charge of keeping the delinquents working. Moments later, Jasper is pushed out of the dropship and Octavia’s sliding to her knees to help him.

“Go help Raven,” she pulls him to his feet and nods towards the back of the dropship. “I’ve got this,” she adds, holding up the radio. Jasper meets her eyes worriedly but doesn’t hesitate to follow the girl’s instructions.

Gunshots echo through the dropship soon after and Octavia feels her heart practically dissipate in her chest. But luckily, Bellamy’s voice is heard over the radio and she can breathe easy -- if just for a moment.

Too much time passes in silence. Octavia slowly crouches down, holding tightly to the radio. She says a prayer under her breath, willing Raven to figure out something. 

And then, startling everyone, violent gunfire erupts from within the dropship. This isn’t just one shot, either, it’s a whole round of ammo. Octavia scrambles to her feet, practically shaking with rage. She swears -- if Murphy did something to Bellamy -- she’s going to kill him. Someone tries to comfort her, she’s not sure who, because she pushes them away. 

Suddenly, there’s a guttural hissing noise, and Octavia’s eyes widen as the door of the dropship begins to extend, slowly making its way to the ground. A few of the delinquents, carrying guns, make it there before Octavia does. And when she bursts into the dropship, the scene of her brother hanging from the ceiling is enough to send her into a panic.

Immediately, she climbs up to untie the noose and Bellamy falls to the floor. She’s screaming at him to breathe,  _ breathe goddamn it,  _ breathe. And when he finally gasps for air, Octavia’s holding her own chest to try and calm herself down.

So much commotion follows. Bellamy is up on his feet, trying to go after Murphy. But everyone is stilled when the dropship is rocked with an explosion, and as they clamber up onto the top level, there’s a gaping hole where the wall used to be. Murphy’s already long gone. 

And then, just as Octavia runs over to Bellamy to try and get him to drink something, there’s more activity by the front gate. “They’re back!” Someone calls, and Octavia’s following her brother over to the doors, which open to reveal a distraught Clarke and Finn. They’re alive.

They come bearing news, too. An army of grounders headed their way.  _ Now. _ Bellamy insists on standing their ground, but Octavia can’t help but think otherwise. They aren’t prepared.

Clarke manages to gain the group’s consensus for an evacuation, and soon everyone is hurrying back to their tents to gather their things. In the meantime, Octavia quietly approaches Finn.

“Where is he?” She asks, knowing Finn will understand. Then, something is placed in her hands -- a sword. Lincoln’s sword. Octavia feels the weight of it, and suddenly she feels infinitely more powerful. 

However, she doesn’t have time to mourn. The minute she hears a distressed voice call out for help -- all the heat leaves her body.  _ Raven _ . 

The sword falls out of Octavia’s hands and clatters to the ground when she sees Raven, clutching her side, pull herself through the front gates and cry out in pain. Everything in her grows numb. When she had heard the gunshots, she would have never imagined they were aimed at Raven. Suddenly, nothing else matters to her. 

(Octavia’s always feared losing Raven, but not like this. Never like this. It’s a dark fear that she can’t even begin to comprehend. And suddenly, it’s all too real.)

Finn’s the first one to get to Raven, scooping the girl up in his arms and effectively making Octavia’s blood boil with jealousy. She’s right behind Finn and Bellamy as they rush the girl into the dropship.

“I swear to god when I get my hands on Murphy I’m gonna--,” Octavia cracks her knuckles, rocking back and forth on her feet anxiously as she watches Finn lie Raven down on one of the tables. She can  _ see _ the pain in the girl’s face and she feels so compelled to do something --  _ anything _ \-- to save the girl. 

“You’re hurting her!” She moves forwards, shoving Finn away from Raven. He tries to stop her, but her blind rage has blurred any sort of rationality, and she grabs his shoulders, slamming him against the wall. “Don’t touch her!”

Finn just stares at her with wide eyes, completely taken aback. Bellamy is quick to pry his sister away, hooking his arms around hers and holding her back when she tries to lunge at Finn once more. 

“O,” Bellamy spins her around roughly to face him, but there’s a glazed over look in her eyes. The words ‘ _ she can’t die, she can’t die _ ,’ are running through her head on repeat, and Bellamy has to shake her to get her attention. 

“ _ Octavia _ ,” he warns her, sternly. She meets his eyes. Her knuckles are turning snow white from keeping them curled into tight fists. She tries to pull out of his grip to move to Raven’s side, but he yanks her back in place.

“We need someone outside,” he holds her gaze. “They listen to you.”

“But I--,” Octavia motions to Raven, stomping one of her feet defiantly. “I’ve got to--,”

“Octavia.”

Everyone’s head whips around to Raven, whose eyes are set on the younger girl. Her voice is weak and it’s enough to gain Octavia’s undivided attention. “Go.” 

“But--,” Octavia pulls out of Bellamy’s grip to move towards Raven, but one look from the girl is enough to stop her in her tracks. 

“Just go,” Raven nods, wincing in pain and keeping her eyes shut. It’s not that she doesn’t want Octavia there -- because she does, more than ever -- but she just can’t handle the way Octavia will look at her like this. For now, she needs to girl to have her focus on something else. Appearing weak in front of anyone, especially someone she cares about, is something Raven can’t handle. 

And so Octavia, equal parts confused and enraged, can only nod. She practically vanishes from the room, leaving only the gentle rustle of the tarp in her wake. Bellamy and Finn exchange confused looks. As soon as she’s out of sight, Raven collapses back on the table.

So instead of keeping guard over Raven, Octavia channels her nervous energy elsewhere. She’s in the front lines, leading the group of delinquents as they make their way into the woods -- abandoning their camp. However, this doesn’t last long. When something whizzes past her and knocks a neighboring delinquent to the ground, panic breaks out. Soon, they’re funneling back into the camp. They’re already surrounded.

 

* * *

 

For the rest of the day, Octavia’s not allowed back into the dropship. Everyone else noticed her episode with Finn, and someone’s always pulling her aside before she can even make it in the door. They’ve resorted to plan B -- sit around and wait for an attack. The idea doesn’t comfort Octavia in the slightest.

And so, the only updates she’s getting on Raven are relayed to her by Clarke and Finn. She’s able to catch Finn for the first time when he reappears from within the dropship.

“Is she okay?” Octavia scrambles to his side, grabbing his arm before he can pull away. She doesn’t care if he think she’s insane, she just  _ has _ to know that Raven isn’t dead.

“For now,” he nods quickly, taking a cautious step away from her. “I’m going to find Lincoln. If he has a coagulant maybe we can slow the bleeding and--,”

“ _ Go _ ,” Octavia breathes out, understanding the importance of time. “Hurry.” With a nod, Finn is gone. 

 

* * *

 

As darkness begins to fall over the camp, Clarke finds Octavia perched atop one of the fences, glaring out into the wilderness. She shakes the girl’s shoulder to get her attention. Startled, Octavia draws her sword and whips around. Moments later, she’s apologizing to Clarke and quickly sheathing her weapon. 

“Is she…?” Octavia bites her lip nervously, hopping down from the fence and wiping her hands on her jeans. 

“She’s alright,” Clarke nods, giving Octavia some temporary comfort. “Finn still isn’t back.” Octavia notices how she looks longingly into the woods.

“But Raven…?” Octavia pries hopefully.

“She made me come out here to make sure  _ you _ were okay,” Clarke glances back to the dropship. “Are you?”

Octavia can immediately sense the questioning tone in Clarke’s voice. The girl is trying to draw a confession out of Octavia. But right now, Octavia’s too high strung to try and explain herself. So she just nods quickly. 

“M’fine,” she insists. “I’ll keep an eye out for Finn.” 

Luckily, Clarke takes the message, and Octavia resumes her post. Quietly, she exhales and rubs the material of her jacket between her fingers. The word ‘ _ home’ _ keeps flashing through her head. Her inner child is putting up a fight. Octavia struggles to hold back tears when she realizes she’s not even sure where home is anymore.

* * *

 

 

By the time the attack comes, Octavia’s almost relieved. At least now she doesn’t have to sit around and wait -- driving herself crazy with questions. 

Unfortunately for Octavia, the attack doesn’t last long. Just as quickly as she immerses herself into the battlefield, driving her sword through the back of a grounder’s head and saving her brother, she’s out of the game. Because, seconds later, an arrow lodges itself in her leg. She doesn’t even scream, she just half-crumples into her brother’s arms.

Everything that follows is hazy. She remembers Bellamy carrying her away from the fighting, seeking safely behind a thick tree and laying her down there. She remembers begging him to leave her there. And then, she remembers the utter confusion that washes over her when Lincoln appears. 

Her leg hurts so badly that by the time she’s exchanging tearful goodbyes with her brother and being passed off to Lincoln, the world around her slowly fizzles into blackness in his arms. 

She only wakes later in his arms when a huge explosion rocks the ground beneath them. Suddenly, the searing pain in her leg is irrelevant. Because the minute she sees the fire erupt in the sky through her clouded vision, all she can think of is Raven before everything turns dark again.


	3. The Journey to Mount Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry this ends on a cliffhanger oops)
> 
> Anyway - This is where we diverge a bit from completely canon, cause some things had to happen in order to help the plot progress. But! I've gotten some super nice messages on twitter and tumblr and on here and I'm glad I'm not the only one who is total Octaven trash. So thank you for reading! Enjoy :)
> 
> \- Lena (lenajfc on twitter/txrches on tumblr)

Everyone’s dead. That’s what Octavia keeps telling herself.

Currently, she’s resting on the bank of some stream, leant up against a fallen log. Heat spreads through her leg and clouds her vision, making it hard for her to form a coherent thought. However, the explosion she witnessed as she escaped with Lincoln continues to play through her mind on repeat. Raven’s name drifts in and out of her head. She wants to scream but her senses are so numb that she’s not sure if she’ll be able to find her voice.

Lincoln’s here. He’s talking to her, saying something that she can’t quite understand. Then, something’s gripping her leg and flames burst through her body. Breathing heavily, she realizes he’s just cauterized her wound. Something’s still wrong, though. Lincoln notices by the way Octavia struggles to focus her eyes on him. He’s saying something else that she can’t understand, and then she’s alone. 

Raven. Octavia shifts her position and struggles to hold herself in an upright sitting position. Raven’s dead -- the words echo through her head, haunting her. The idea of sleep is so, so tempting. Her eyelids are heavy. The fight is easily lost, and sleep engulfs her in a cloud of blackness. Everything is dark.

* * *

 

 

When she wakes once more, she’s being carried. Her vision is still blurry. She’s scared. 

Lincoln’s still there. He’s talking to her, promising her she’ll be okay -- he’s going to get help. The most she can muster up in a sloppy nod as he gently lays her down at the trunk of a tall tree. She’s surrounded by green, and she drifts off to sleep once more, holding tightly to Lincoln’s promise of safety. 

When she wakes, it’s a different shade of green that surrounds her.

Her vision is clearer, and she’s able to shake off a bit of her dizziness. But as she moves to sit up, there’s a man making his way towards her, and she starts to cry out for help -- but he’s grabbed her before she can do so. 

“Drink,” he instructs, holding a cup of pungent red liquid to her lips. She tries to resist, but he forces her mouth open and she has to follow the foul tasting drink to avoid choking. When he moves away, she sits upwards, coughing as the liquid burns her throat on the way down.

“Who are you?” Octavia pounds on her chest to try and ease the pain. 

“A friend of Lincoln’s,” he lifts his head from where he is crouched, gathering some sort of supplies. Octavia tilts her head to the side.

“Lincoln?”

“He’s answering to what he’s done,” the man stands up. “This was my favor to him. Now, if I was you, I’d get out of here before you run into the wrong person.” He wanders over and begins kicking out the fire between them. Octavia watches, panic beginning to rise in her chest. But as soon as he kneels down, she sees her opportunity and acts on it. Her hands grip a large rock next to her and she’s quick to raise it. He slumps to the ground the minute she collies it with his skull. 

“M’sorry,” Octavia mumbles under her breath as she staggers to her feet. She’s just doing what she has to do to survive. And maybe a little more than that.

And that’s how Octavia takes her first hostage -- leading a confused Nyko back to his camp and knocking him to his knees. Her sword hugs tight to his throat and she tries to ignore the guards who have their bows taut -- arrows aimed straight for her. She’s come for Lincoln -- she tells them -- and she isn’t afraid to kill their only healer to do so. 

* * *

 

 

She loses Lincoln as soon as she finds him. 

They arrange a meeting place where Nyko will be traded for Lincoln. She paces for what feels like hours until a rustle in the bushes sends her scrambling to grab Nyko, holding her blade at attention. 

And then Lincoln appears, and she’s running to him, and they’re hugging. But just as they pull away, something whizzes past her ear. Lincoln’s eyes grow wide.

“Reapers!” Another voice cries out from the bushes. Octavia turns around just in time to see the flame of a torch burst through the forest. Her blade is drawn, but as she lunges forward to start a fight, she’s hit with something from behind. 

Everything else happens in slow motion. She falls forward to the ground, splashing into the mud and crying out for Lincoln. Through half-lidded, clouded eyes, she watches both Nyko and Lincoln be knocked down as well. She tries to reach for them, but someone steps on her hand and she feels her fingers practically crunch against the ground. 

And then it’s black.

* * *

 

 

She’s alone. That’s the first thing she realizes when she wakes up, head throbbing. Octavia pushes herself up from the ground, dusting the mud from her clothes. Even now, she has no time to panic. There’s only one thing on her mind -- find Lincoln. 

Realizing she has no idea where she is, Octavia scrambles to climb the nearest tree to try and get a better look around. With shaky footing, she leans forward and lets her eyes scan the horizon. Immediately, her eyes catch movement in the distance.

She’s quick to climb down the tree and hurry off in that direction. She keeps her sword drawn at her side -- wary of any oncoming danger. Keeping quiet, Octavia skids to a stop when she reaches a steep hill -- alerting the group of grounders to her presence. Before she even has a chance to speak, she’s being chased. She’s able to get away by diving to a hiding spot behind a tree, but even that doesn’t stop her. Once they’ve gone a safe distance away, she resumes following them -- she recognized one of their leaders as the same stoic woman who negotiated her trade for Lincoln. If anyone knows where he is, it’s her.

It continues on like this for a while -- Octavia dodging through trees and forest to keep up with the grounders, while simultaneously remaining hidden. Coming to a small clearing, she grips a tree and turns an ear in their direction, listening attentively. 

“We strike from the shadows when they stop to feed on our bait,” the woman’s voice is low, determined. Octavia clings onto her every word.

“So I’m the bait?” Another grounder -- even younger than she -- speaks up. Octavia leans closer out of her hiding spot.

“No. You are a warrior,” the woman turns her head. “ _ She’s _ the bait.”

And suddenly, all eyes are on Octavia, who knows she’s been caught. Something inside of her flares at the idea of this mission, though, so she slowly steps out from her hiding spot. 

“I am not afraid,” she says softly, holding up her hands to show she means no harm. If only she could get these people to understand that she’s trustworthy. She remains perfectly still as the woman looks her up and down.

“You will be.”

And that’s how Octavia meets Indra -- a fierce grounder warrior who knocks her to the ground and instructs her to play dead. And for some reason, Octavia follows her orders. She clutches her blade tightly against her chest as the rest of the group disperses behind the trees. 

Footsteps approach her not soon after. Someone grunts, and then there’s a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her over. In that moment, Octavia feels something she’s never felt before. All fear leaves her body, draining out of her like water. She’s suddenly filled with rage, red hot, that pushes her to jump to her feet with her weapon drawn. 

An arrow flies out from the bushes and pierces the heart of the creature that towered over her. The arrows keep coming, whizzing past Octavia and sending the men dropping to the ground around her. One of them focuses on her, dodging an arrow and lunging in her direction. She narrows her eyes and meets her blade with his, pushing forwards until she meets resistance, and then knocking his weapon aside -- leaving his chest open for an arrow, which is shot from the bushes moments later.

She doesn’t even have time to consider what she’s done, because she turns around to find the grounder woman flat on her back, a creature seconds from destroying her. That’s how Octavia ends up saving her life -- driving her blade through the man’s back and slashing his throat when he turns to her. With the last of the men down, she finally has a moment to relax.

But then, she remembers why she’s here, and she’s hurrying over to the line of hooded prisoners the men had been carrying with them. They’re all tied to a log, and Octavia desperately throws off their hoods, praying one of them is Lincoln.

When she pulls off the last weaved hood to find Nyko -- and not Lincoln -- her chest heaves and she fights back tears. 

“Where’s Lincoln?” She meets Nyko’s eyes desperately. “Was he with you?” 

Nyko simply bows his head, and Octavia’s not sure how to feel. Is he dead? Is he alive? Is he hurt?

“Indra,” a sharp voice catches her attention and she turns around. A wooden cart is pulled forwards, and Octavia watches, frozen, as two of the grounders pull the burlap cover from overtop it. A collection of bodies tumble to the ground.

“ _ Lincoln _ ,” Octavia whispers. All eyes turn to the young girl who is fighting back tears. Slowly, she moves forwards. The small group of grounders moves out of her way, respectfully. Octavia kneels down beside his body, feeling the red-hot rage build up inside her once again. The only thing she can do to avoid showing weakness in front of these people is clench her fists, snatch Lincoln’s remaining belongings from his body, and storm off -- back into the woods. As soon as she’s out of earshot, she throws her things to the ground and sobs.

Now Lincoln’s name is just another to add to the list of people who Octavia has failed. Her mother, Bellamy, Raven… 

It’s only in private that Octavia shows her age. All the tears she’s been holding in flow freely. She curls up into a ball, trying to make herself as small as possible, so much so that she can disappear. She’s lost everything. All sense of home.

* * *

 

 

Over the course of the next few days, the woods become the closest thing she has to home.

She stays relatively close to where she’d parted with the grounders. No way is she going to risk wandering into unknown territory. So she just kind of floats around her small section of the woods, as if she’s in limbo, waiting for something to come along. 

Finding food and water is easier than she expected. For Octavia, staying awake is the hard part. 

She’s exhausted. 

With her physical exhaustion comes mental exhaustion. They feed off of each other. She’s eating, sure, but she’s living off the berries that she knows aren’t poisonous. She doesn’t have the heart to try and set a trap for live animals. She just feels  _ weak _ . 

She hasn’t gotten a good hour of sleep in days, which is probably the contributing factor to the hazy cloud that seems to surround her constantly. She’s not stupid enough to try and sleep on the ground, god knows what could be lurking in the woods at night. She’s been spending a lot of her time in the trees, up high where it’s safer. It helps her to feel more powerful. 

So that’s where she is the night that Nyko finds her. She’s found herself a thick oak tree and scaled her way up it, passing time with her back leaning against a trunk and her legs laid out in front of her, sitting atop one of its branches. Her eyelids keep drooping shut, teasing her with sleep. But as soon as she dozes off for a moment, her body is jerked awake when she begins to slide off the branch, and it’s a game -- she has to scramble to regain her balance. 

From her perch about ten feet off the ground, she’s suddenly startled by a rustling in the brush. Sitting up straighter, she quietly draws her legs closer to her body in an effort to remain hidden. 

Footsteps move closer beneath her. They circle for a few seconds and then stop. Octavia holds her breath. 

“I know you’re up there, sky girl.”

Her entire body tenses and she remains still. She hates that nickname, she decides. It separates her. Octavia can feel someone’s eyes on her, but she stays as quiet as a mouse. 

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” the voice moves a bit closer now, standing a few feet away from the tree so Octavia can see him. Nyko. She looks at him nervously. 

“You’re a friend of Lincoln’s,” she notes. He nods. 

Cautiously, Octavia scoots further out on the branch. Extending her legs, she drops down to the ground in front of him. His height is a bit intimidating, but she swallows her reservations. “Trikru,” she notes his tattoos, remembering the things Lincoln had taught her. 

“I grew up with Lincoln,” he nods. “I trained with him.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, moving to turn away from him. Regardless of what she felt for Lincoln, losing him still hurts. Being hit with the stone cold image of his lifeless body had sent a shock through her system, like diving in cold water that steals your breath. She’s become too acquainted with death. 

“The village knows of your presence,” Nyko clears his throat. Octavia turns to him slowly. “You have been in  _ Trikru _ territory for days. I come to warn you,  _ gona _ , they speak of sending out patrols in search of you.”

“I don’t understand,” Octavia wipes her eyes. 

“Trikru does not take kindly to trespassers,” he motions to her with a nod of the head. Slowly, Octavia understands. It’s either get the hell out, or be forced out. Or worse. All she can do is nod.

“I get it,” she mumbles, toying with the handle of her blade in her hands. She knows Nyko wasn’t sent to do this. In fact, he very well could be risking his life. Unsure of what else to say, she turns to walk away, but pauses. “You’re their healer,” she says quietly, drawing his attention. “Lincoln spoke highly of you.”

Nyko gives her a slow nod, in mutual understanding over the loss of their friend. “There’s unclaimed land up North,” he nods behind them. “You’ll run into less trouble there.”

“ _ Mochof _ ,” Octavia thanks him, offering a sad smile. She’s touched by this grounder’s gesture of kindness, but once she’s on her own again, delving deeper into the forest, she grows frustrated.  _ She’s not welcome anywhere. _

She’s never felt this painstakingly alone before. Everyone around her has disappeared, fading away on a timeline for as long as she can remember. They haunt her -- people like her mother, who she still has nightmares about. She never  _ saw _ her get floated, but the images of her mother screaming her name are so vivid in her dreams that sometimes she swears she did. 

Tears cloud her eyes as she trudges through the forest. She knows she’s being careless, making too much noise and giving no regard to her surroundings. But she doesn’t care, that’s the problem. She’s been walking for days, searching for something to give her direction. And now, the only direction she has is north, thanks to Nyko. So she swears she’s just going to keep walking in this direction until she finds something. Or until it kills her.

After hours of pushing through the darkness, Octavia can’t ignore her headache. Or the weak, wobbly feeling in her legs. She’s merely staggering along now. She’s so tired, in fact, that when she stumbles over a tree root and falls flat on her face, she makes no move to get up. She just lays there in the wet dirt, feeling absolutely sorry for herself. 

She falls asleep. Mainly because she’s no longer scared of what lurks in the shadows. She welcomes it. If someone approached her right now, she’d look them straight in the eye and dare them to kill her. She’s already far past the point of reckless.

* * *

 

 

The first thing she hears is the sound of running water. 

Light invades Octavia’s pupils as the sound of the wilderness slowly brings her back to her senses. She groans, blinking her eyes open and lifting her head in confusion when she realizes she’s on the ground. Disgusted, she spits out the dirt in her mouth and brushes the mud off of her face, crinkling her nose. Where is she?

Slowly, images of the night before flicker through her mind. She sighs, sitting up slowly and feeling every ache in her joints. The sound of running water catches her attention once more, and when she surveys her surroundings, she realizes she’d fallen over the bank of a small stream. 

Immediately, overcome with thirst, she’s crawling to the edge of the brook and cupping the fresh water in her hands. She drinks as fast as she can, coughing a few times and then splashing cold water on her face. 

Octavia pauses. She lowers her hands, catching sight of her reflection in the water. In the blurry image of herself, she doesn’t even recognize the girl looking back at her. Her past is running through her head like a silent movie, dropping off a complete stranger, lying in the mud in the middle of the woods like some psychopath.  _ She doesn’t recognize who she’s become _ . That thought alone is enough to bring tears forwards, and she punches the water, causing her reflection to distort. 

_ Get yourself together _ , she tells herself, shaking her head and splashing more water in her face. Octavia forces herself to take deep breaths, squeezing her eyes shut. 

When she opens her eyes, as if a sign from the heavens, she’s staring straight at a red and white beacon in the sky. At first, she thinks she’s hallucinating. She pushes herself up to her feet and gazes into the distance. It’s a balloon. And on it, is a symbol of the Ark -- something that used to make her skin crawl, but now serves as a message of hope.  _ They’re out there. _

She grabs her sword from the bank, her breath quickening with excitement. They can’t be that far away. Maybe a day’s walk, or two, she decides. But everything grows silent when she turns back around and the balloon is gone. Her sword falls from her hands.

Alright, now she’s gone crazy. Certifiably crazy. Her mind  _ has _ to be playing tricks on her. Octavia brings her hands up to her hair, cupping her own cheeks to make sure that  _ she’s _ real. 

But -- she decides after giving herself a minute to calm down -- it must have been a sign. It’s too much of a coincidence to pass up. Besides, she reasons with herself, what has she got to lose? 

So she splashes herself with cold water from the stream once more, trying to wake herself up. If hope is the only thing she’s got to hold onto at this point, Octavia tells herself it’s better than nothing at all. And with that, she’s hurrying off in the direction of the sun, holding onto the hope that there’s someone out there waiting for her. 

 

* * *

 

_ She’s not lost. She’s not lost. _

Alright, Octavia admits, she might be lost.

After taking off in the direction of the balloon she spotted, Octavia’s barely stopped to rest. But she has this nagging feeling that she’s somehow wandered astray from the pathway. All her surroundings are starting to blend together and look the same. And to be honest, she has no idea what direction she had originally seen the balloon come from.

On the third day, she allows herself to take a small break at nightfall. She catches a few drops of sap on a stick, remembering a trick that Lincoln had taught her. Once she’s able to get a spark going between two sticks, the sap catches flame and she hurries to light the small pile of firewood she’s collected. She takes in her surroundings as she kneels by her small fire and warms her hands.

A while later, Octavia realizes she won’t be able to carry on much longer unless she regains some of her energy. She eats the last of the nuts she’s collected and then leaves her fire to slowly die out, hopping up to climb a thick tree that borders the clearing. It’s too dark for her to see much. Besides, all that’s around her is desolate wilderness. 

With some careful engineering, she’s figured out a way to sleep safely in the trees. She ties her jacket across two neighboring branches and situates it to serve as something like a seatbelt across her waist. It’s not perfect, but sleep comes easily that night. 

She’s not sure what wakes her -- it might have been a nightmare, although she can’t remember what she was dreaming about. She hasn’t been asleep for long. There’s still a hint of burning ember buried in her fire, and the moon is just making its way into the height of the sky. Groggily, Octavia wipes her eyes and few times and scans the area around her. Something catches her attention in the distance, and she can’t help but smile when the flickering of fireflies brings thoughts of Raven forward.

Filled with some sort of innocent curiosity, she scoots further out onto the branch and sits with her legs dangling down. However, Octavia quickly realizes that something’s not right -- these aren’t fireflies. Her eyes widen.

Instantly, she’s standing up in the tree and trying to get a better look. Grounders? She tilts her head to the side, watching the light from the flaming torches bob up and down. Her curiosity gets the best of her, and within moments she’s reaching out, grabbing the branch of a neighboring tree, and swinging over. This is how she catches up to the crowd -- jumping from tree to tree, keeping herself hidden above the heads of the mob. 

With a risky leap, she’s grabbing onto the branch of a large tree at the edge of the clearing and giving herself a chance to catch her breath. The grounders have gathered here. It’s still too dark for her to make out much detail, aside from the blurring outline of bodies in the crowd. But if she squints hard enough, she can just barely see the object of their attention, some sort of ceremony surrounded by large flaming torches. She wants to get closer.

With no trees offering her a better vantage point, Octavia makes a risky choice. Quietly, she drops to the ground from her tree, crouching behind a bush. Only about ten feet in front of her is the back of the crowd -- with grounder men and women heads taller than her. Octavia looks down at herself, and on a last minute decision, swipes two fingers through the mud at her feet and closes her eyes, smearing the wet dirt around her face in an attempt to blend in. With a deep breath, she prays that the darkness works to her advantage, and her heart is racing as she pushes her way into the crowd.

She does her best to keep her head down, meshing with the heavy atmosphere around her. The sound of drums resonates deep inside of her, and she dodges through openings and under arms, fighting her way to the front of the crowd as subtly as she can. At one point, she gets down to her hands and knees and crawls under the legs of the warriors. Eventually, she reaches the front of the crowd, where a human barricade prevents her from going any further. Octavia stands on her tiptoes, peering over the shoulder of giants to try and study the scene before her. 

Suddenly, the crowd is in an uproar, and she’s jostled back and forth, knocked backwards by the rowdy bystanders. But she catches a glance of someone -- a head of blonde hair, which sparks her interest. She pushes her way to an opening in the front and freezes when she recognizes Clarke. Just a few feet in front of her is Finn, or what  _ was _ Finn -- a now lifeless body with his head hung down. Octavia scrambles back behind the front line of the crowd to keep hidden. 

Her mind is now filled with unanswered questions. What happened to Finn? Why are these grounders here? Why didn’t they come looking for her? But most importantly, Octavia realizes, her people are  _ alive _ . Well, at least, some of them. Does that mean--?

A scream.

Octavia head shoots upwards and a jolt of electricity runs through her. Raven. 

Suddenly, nothing else matters. She’s scrambling through the crowd, pushing people aside left and right to try and break free of the group.  _ Raven’s alive _ . Octavia’s half filled with relief, and half filled with absolute dread. Raven’s cry had been so sharp and desperate that Octavia could feel her pain, punching her square in the chest. She pushes through the back of the crowd and stumbles to her knees, but she’s quick to recover and scale to the top of the tallest tree she can find.

Up there, she sets her sights on the industrial-looking camp in the distance. That  _ must _ be where Raven is. It resembles the Ark in shape and architecture. In a split second, she’s maneuvering her way from tree to tree, circling around the clearing to try and reach the back of the camp unnoticed. 

Octavia can hear the faint sound of chanting in the distance as she drops to her feet, out of breath. She’s hidden now, tucked in the edge of the woods, just a couple hundred feet behind the back of the camp. It’s smooth sailing from here, she tells herself.

Not waiting to catch her breath, Octavia is sprinting to the large metal fence that surrounds the base. She grabs one of the wires to steady herself before she climbs through, but a shock of electricity blasts through her body and she’s knocked off her feet, landing crudely on her back and cursing under her breath. Looking at her hand, and then back to the fence, Octavia slowly makes the connection. Her jaw tightens. 

Met with a new challenge, Octavia pushes herself back to her feet and bitterly wipes the mud from her hands. Keeping quiet, she circles further around the fence until she finds a dip in the land that provides her with just enough space to slip under. And she does, successfully, but not without getting shocked once more. Once she’s on the inside, she kicks the fence for good measure. 

Quietly, Octavia keeps herself hidden, scooting from structure to structure until she’s got a better look at the front area of the camp. And then, her eyes are drawn towards two figures not too far away from her. She stands up straighter, instantly recognizing her brother.  _ He’s alive.  _ He’s walking with someone.  _ Raven _ . The girl’s name is whispered under her breath, and she forgets her plan to remain unnoticed. She’s sprinting towards them recklessly.

“Intruder!”

One of the guards at the fence catches sight of the girl, and Octavia nearly falls to the ground in shock. Suddenly, there’s commotion, and three guns are pointed directly at her. Her eyes dart frantically behind her. “Bellamy!” 

She hears the shot being fired just in time to dive to the ground. “Look, look!” She shakes her head desperately and brings her hands up to wipe the mud from her face. “I’m not--,”

“Don’t shoot!” Octavia’s body crumples with relief when she hears her brother’s strong voice echo from behind her. The guards look confused, but it gives Octavia just enough time to scramble to her feet and hurry over to her brother. He immediately pulls her into her arms, squeezing her in a tight hug, but Octavia’s too worried to revel in this reunion. Standing only feet away from her is Raven, head hanging down with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Bellamy looks from Octavia to the other girl and slowly makes the connection. 

“I’ve got her,” Octavia says quietly. She can feel Bellamy’s eyes looking at her, digging for some sort of explanation about where she’s been, but she can’t bring herself to look at him. She’s not the focus right now. 

“Are you sure?” Bellamy can’t help but ask. Octavia nods, giving him a look that pleads for him to drop the topic for tonight. 

A war cry suddenly pierces the eerie silence and Octavia jumps to attention. Her brother is quick to calm her down. “They got what they wanted,” he explains to her. And then, pulling them out of their conversation, Raven’s small figure stumbles a step forwards. She would’ve fallen if it hadn’t been for Octavia, who practically dives to grab her and positions herself under the girl’s shoulder, keeping her upright. Her and Bellamy exchange concerned looks.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he gives her a soft nod. And then he’s off, jogging over to the front gates to join the others. 

So Octavia’s left alone with Raven, who doesn’t even look like Raven anymore. She’s like a stone statue. And Octavia can’t help but feel a pang of self-guilt when she looks down to find a bulky brace hugged tightly to the girl’s leg. She takes a deep breath and slowly leads the girl through the terrain, over to the dimly lit building that Octavia realizes came from the Ark. She has so many questions.

Raven’s in a half aware state. She’s numb, more than usual. Finn is dead. The entire day, filled with anxiety and heartache, has prepared her for this, and yet seeing him there, lifeless, hit her harder than she ever could have imagined. Even if they weren’t  _ together _ . He was a friend. He’d been there since the beginning. A part of herself feels like it died with him, too.

It takes her some time to realize someone’s next to her, under her arm, holding her waist and helping her walk. She lifts her head slowly, expecting Bellamy. Utter confusion hits her like a train when instead, it’s a different, softer face beside her.  _ Octavia _ . Raven’s expression falters, if for a moment, but suddenly her jaw tightens and she’s trying to pull away from the girl. 

If Octavia’s startled by Raven’s sudden outburst, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she just stands still, holding tightly to her and not allowing her to break away. Raven, confused, scans Octavia’s face once more. Octavia -- weathered and stoic -- won’t even look at her. In Octavia’s mind, she’s keeping quiet out of fear that if she talks, everything will spill out of her. So Raven gives in, but not willingly. She allows Octavia to lead her through the opening of the building and narrows her eyes.

“ _ So nice of you to show up _ ,” Raven mutters bitterly. The girl’s words strike Octavia, and her head lifts slightly, but she doesn’t respond. She just takes it, exhaling softly and telling herself that she deserves whatever’s coming to her.

 

* * *

 

Right away, Octavia knows which room is Raven’s by the drawings on the wall and the pair of black boots thrown aside in the doorway. “Here?” She asks quietly, finding her voice for the first time. All she gets from Raven is a soft nod before the girl pulls from her grip, limping over to the bed and practically melting onto the mattress. She pulls her blanket up over her head and curls up as small as possible, willing herself to disappear. 

Octavia stands in the doorway. Guilt hits her like waves, over and over. She can’t process this. All she can do is stand there awkwardly, scanning Raven’s room and trying to make sense of the first glimpse of civilization she’s seen in a while. 

There’s a shift in Raven’s bed and Octavia looks up just in time for something to come flying in her direction. She ducks, the object narrowly missing her head. Confused, she bends down to retrieve it, realization washing over her as she slowly holds up Raven’s necklace -- the one Finn had made her. The worn metal bird stares back at her and Octavia bites her lip.

Quietly, Octavia tiptoes across the room and hangs the necklace on Raven’s dresser. When she stands back to admire her work, she catches sight of her reflection in the mirror on the wall. She’s drawn to take a step forward, pressing her fingers against the glass and then reaching up to touch her own face.  _ This is her _ . 

She looks like shit. There’s mud in her hair and some sort of bruise around her eye that she doesn’t remember getting. Her eyes are dark, sunken into her face. And her skin is red in some places from spending all day in the sun. The sight of herself, a stranger in her own skin, makes her feel sick. It takes everything in her not to punch the mirror.

“Feel free to leave anytime you want.”

Octavia jumps, turning around quickly. Raven’s lifted her head and is glaring at her from across the room -- just now realizing that Octavia was  _ still _ standing there. Octavia opens her mouth to speak, but Raven’s already dropping her head back down and encasing herself under the blankets. 

“You’re allowed to be sad,” Octavia’s voice is quiet, tentative. This catches Raven off guard, and Octavia can see how she tenses under the blankets. After a few moments of silence, the girl lifts her head again and looks at Octavia through cold eyes. 

“What?” 

“You’re allowed to be sad,” Octavia repeats herself. She watches as Raven’s eyes land on the necklace she’s hung up, and she sees the pain in the girl’s face. “You can’t just keep hiding from it, Raven.” 

“Yeah?” Raven’s voice is cold again and she narrows her eyes. “And how would you know? You haven’t even been here.”

Octavia continues to take it, knowing the verbal blows are well deserved. She feels infinitely small in that moment. In finding a problem that she can’t fix on her own, she feels powerless. All she can do is shrug, clasp her hands together, and look down at the ground. “Doesn’t mean I stopped caring.”

Even though Octavia’s words shock Raven, she grows frustrated. She feels the need to say  _ something _ to Octavia to get back at her. For what exactly? She’s not sure. But she’s felt abandoned and now Octavia’s here, and she’s not fighting back with her, and Raven needs to take it out on someone.

“Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?” Raven retorts, her words filling the room and finding nothing but silence in return. 

Octavia shuts down. She doesn’t move. She doesn’t have a response, but she also doesn’t have the strength to even look at Raven right now without crying. All she can do is stagger a few steps backwards and shake her head. Raven groans and rolls over, flinging the blanket over her head. 

With shaky hands, Octavia backs up into Raven’s doorway and slides down against the wall. She breathes in, slowly, holding back tears as she pulls her legs up to her chest. She wants to disappear -- to collapse into herself. Her head rests on her knees and she curls and uncurls her fists impulsively. 

She makes sure Raven’s asleep before showing any emotion. When the lights in the station flicker out, signaling curfew, everything inside of her breaks and she sobs into the sleeve of her jacket. Sleep fights its way through her tears and soon, the small girl stills, tucked in Raven’s doorway, exhausted from the day’s events.

* * *

 

 

For the first time, it isn’t a nightmare that wakes Octavia up.

She wakes slowly, panicking when she feels something pressed against her forehead. Instinctively, she remains as still as possible and continues faking sleep. She hears movement and slowly peers through one eye. She’s quickly closing her eyes once more, though, when Raven’s figure turns towards her and dabs at her forehead with a damp rag. Octavia holds her breath.

She’s scared to “wake up,” so she fakes sleep for a few more minutes while Raven holds her chin with one hand and dabs at the cuts on her face with the other. Octavia’s surprised that Raven hasn’t noticed she’s awake yet, thanks to how fast her heart is beating. Eventually, she hears Raven toss the rag back into a bucket and carefully maneuver around the girl in the doorway. Octavia waits until she hears footsteps disappear down the hallway before opening her eyes and letting out the breath she’s been holding this whole time.

To calm herself down -- and wake herself up -- she kneels next to the bucket of water and splashes it in her face. Her first mission that morning, besides keeping an eye on Raven, is to find Bellamy and figure out what the hell she missed.

She ends up almost running into him when she swings the corner. Startled, he looks her up and down. “I’ve been looking for you.” Octavia just nods in understanding.

He leads her to his bedroom -- one slightly bigger than Raven’s. She sits on his bed, taking in the plainness of his room. She can tell he doesn’t spend much time in there, compared to Raven’s room which has more organized chaos. 

“I was afraid you were dead,” he laughs, somewhat nervously. All she can do is shrug, kicking her feet against the floor. She feels like a little kid again, as if she’s in trouble under the questioning eyes of her older brother.

“You want to tell me what happened?” He sighs, his tone growing more serious. He takes a seat on the other side of the bed and looks at her hopefully. He has a way of making Octavia want to tell him everything -- every last detail -- but there’s information she withholds in order to save him the trouble. 

She tells him about the days she spent slipping in and out of consciousness, how Nyko saved her life from the poison in the arrow, and how she repaid him by knocking him out and holding him hostage. She tells him about being reunited with Lincoln if only for a moment, but skims over his death as if it was a daily occurrence. 

(“I guess you just get used to it,” she tells him with a sad shrug, when he asks why she doesn’t seem too shaken up.)

She tells him about Nyko’s warning, how she saw the balloon and followed in its direction. She skims over the part where she immersed herself in the mob of grounders. Bellamy would just scold her for not being careful. 

While she talks, Bellamy stands up and rummages through his drawers. Octavia just watches as he arranges a collection of blankets into a crudely made bed against the adjacent wall. “You can sleep here for now,” he nods. 

Once she tells him her side of the story, he takes her on a tour of the camp and does his best to catch her up on everything she’s missed. More of their people are here -- bringing the Ark down with them. But a new enemy has emerged -- Mount Weather -- and Lincoln’s vague stories echo in her mind. She learns about the idea of an alliance with the grounder clans, and how Finn nearly ruined their chances by… for lack of a better word, going insane. Images from the night before come rushing back to her, suddenly making more sense in context.

“And Raven?” Octavia musters up the courage to enquire about her friend. Bellamy shrugs.

“Her leg’s shot,” he says bluntly. Octavia grimaces. “That’s about all I know. Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

Octavia simply nods. She doesn’t want to push him with too many questions. As he leads her back to the Ark station, she meets eyes with Clarke, who’s headed in the opposite direction. Right away, she can tell the girl’s been crying. She offers her a sad smile, which Clarke returns before she ducks into one of the tents outside. 

So much has changed since their first days on the dropship. Octavia doesn’t like feeling like a foreigner amongst the people that are supposed to be her own.

 

* * *

 

Octavia spends most of the day as a spectator. First, Bellamy forces her to let Abby look her over and reassess the arrow wound in her leg. She sticks around in the medical room for a while, having nowhere else to go. Abby sends her out to wash towels and hang them up, and when she does, she discovers an outcove in the back of the Ark that she’s able to climb up. There, from her post looking out over the camp, is where she’s passing time when the gates start to open.  

She’s been laying on her back at the edge of the roof, one leg hanging off halfway and the other spread out in front of her. It’s midday, and the sun warming her face would have probably put her to sleep if it wasn’t for the god-awful screeching sound of the front gates being opened. She’s quick to sit up. 

There’s a fairly large group headed out. Among them, she notices Clarke, Bellamy, and a red jacket that belongs to Raven. Octavia hurries down from her resting spot and slides under the back of the fence, jogging to catch up with them.

“Where are you headed?” She slows her pace next to Bellamy. He looks to Clarke, who answers for her. 

“Trikru village,” she nods. “To begin the alliance.”

Bellamy grabs her wrist, pulling her aside and motioning to the cart in front of them. It’s only then that Octavia notices the few grounders leading the way on horseback, pulling a two-wheeled cart behind them. Raven sits atop it, picking at her nails aimlessly. Next to her is something wrapped in burlap. It dawns on Octavia --  _ Finn _ . 

“Mind if I tag along?” She tries to lighten the mood by playfully elbowing her brother in the side. He nods and squeezes her shoulder, and soon she’s falling into pace beside him. Raven’s on the back of the bumpy cart, a few people ahead of them, and Octavia mentally wills the girl to look at her. But, throughout the entire trek to the village, Raven doesn’t lift her head once.

* * *

 

 

Octavia’s in a state of wonder when they reach the village.

It’s… civilization. But it’s different from anything she’s ever seen. People come out of their small huts to watch their procession arrive. Although most of them scowl at the Sky People, calloused to the idea of an alliance, Octavia’s able to smile at one of the grounder women holding a baby in her arms, and she sees how the gesture of kindness shocks the mother, who offers her a soft nod of the head in return.

Everything about their culture fascinates her. It’s nothing like the boring, industrial-looking grays and blacks back at Camp Jaha. It’s more primitive, more real. She soaks up this sense of unity, of belonging, even if her people are outsiders. Part of her wishes she could spend her time here as merely a spectator, observing how these people live their lives. The fact that these people merely exist is a miracle within itself. Even Bellamy notices the change in his sister, whose eyes are filled with wonder, scanning her surroundings at a mile a minute. He pulls her closer to him and places a protective hand on her shoulder.

Finn’s funeral takes place in the middle of the village. His body is burned, spitting ash and ember onto the ground, where the children run to stop out the fires to prevent them from spreading. Octavia melts into the middle of the crowd, watching quietly. Something in her pulls her forwards, towards the glimpse of Raven’s red jacket. Gently, she slides into place beside the girl and gazes up at the flames.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, turning to look at Raven. Her eyes scan the girl’s face for some sort of reaction, but Raven can’t bring herself to even look at the girl. All she can do it nod, looking down at the ground. Octavia takes that as enough of an answer.

As the crowd begins to disperse, there’s a tug at Octavia’s sleeve. She turns around to find a young girl, no older than 10, holding her wrist and looking at her hopefully. Octavia lets herself be led over to the stump of a tree, where the girl motions for her to sit down. 

“ _ Bak op _ ,” the small girl taps Octavia’s chin and lifts her own head to demonstrate. Raising an eyebrow, Octavia leans her head back. Tiny, yet experienced hands cup water from a wooden bowl and hold it to her scalp, carefully washing through her hair. Out of the corner of her eye, Octavia notices a smaller grounder -- a toddler -- wander over to peer at her inquisitively. She lifts her hand and offers the girl a small wave, but the shy toddler moves to hide behind the older girl.

“ _ Ai sis, _ ” the girl washing her hair says softly. Octavia’s struck with the idea that she’s never actually met someone else who has a sibling. Everyone on the Ark, besides her and Bellamy, was an only child by force. 

The girl gently pushes her head back up and with quick hands, tugs her hair back and begins braiding. She looks up to find Raven, sitting on the edge of a fountain a few hundred feet away. They meet eyes and Octavia smiles sheepishly. She can just make out the slightest hint of a smile on Raven’s face.

“ _ Skaikru _ ,” Octavia’s distracted by a younger boy who looks at her, tilting his head. He reaches out and pinches the symbol of the Ark on her jacket. 

“ _ Ai laik Okteivia _ ,” she says softly, introducing herself. The small boy jumps back, shocked that she can speak. When Octavia laughs, though, he realizes she isn’t harmful and looks at her curiously. 

“ _ Jak, _ ” he nods quickly. “ _ Kom Trikru _ .” Octavia’s not sure what to do, so she holds out her hand to shake it, but he just giggles and runs off. 

“ _ Odon _ ,” the girl smooths out the small braids and gives Octavia a sky smile. Before Octavia can say anything, she bows and turns to leave.

“ _ Hod op!”  _ Octavia jumps to her feet, startling the girl who looks at her with wide eyes. Octavia holds up a finger to signal for her to wait before fishing around in the small leather pouch she’d retrieved from Lincoln’s body. She finds a rough, rose gold coin and holds it out to the girl. “ _ Mochof.” _

The small girl looks down at the coin Octavia’s places in her hand, and her face lights up. Octavia has a feeling she’s just given the girl much more than she was supposed to, but she can’t help but laugh when the girl bows to her once more, remembering to be respectful, before running off and calling for her mother. 

With a soft smile on her face, Octavia turns around to the fountain, growing disappointed when Raven isn’t there. She finds Bellamy, though, who motions for her to hurry up and follow the rest of their people into a dungeon of some sort. Wary of her surroundings, Octavia keeps one hand on her blade as she follows her people down the dark staircase. 

“ _ She’s _ the commander?” She scoots closer to her brother once they’re inside, as the woman in intricate armor begins to talk. Her brother nods, shushing her. Octavia’s eyes scan the room. 

She’s too busy looking around, in fact, that she’s startled when someone falls to the floor. Commotion follows. Someone yells something about a poisoning. There’s swords drawn, surrounding them, and she looks around in confusion. Someone grabs her arm and she glares at the grounder man, trying to yank out of his grip but failing. 

“ _ Heda _ ,” all eyes turn to one of the large grounder guards. He’s holding a vial of some sort in his hand, and he has a grip on Raven’s wrist with the other. Octavia perks up. “ _ Dison don kamp raun em oukou.” _

When the man motions to Raven’s coat, the girl desperately shakes her head. “It’s not mine!” Her eyes scan the room and meet Octavia’s for a split second before she looks at the commander. “He put it there when he was searching me,” she growls and moves to get closer to the grounder’s face to intimidate him.

“No sky person leaves this room,” the commander’s voice is low, and then she’s gone in a whirlwind. Octavia yanks her arm out of the guard’s, who disappears out the door with the rest of his people. And when the door slams shut, they’re left alone. Everything else is forgotten, and Octavia hurries to Raven’s side.

“Raven--,”

“I didn’t do it!” Raven snaps at her, and Octavia’s quick to hold up her hands as if she’s surrendering. 

“I know,” she shakes her head and takes a cautious step forwards. “No one thinks you did.” She glances behind her worriedly. “Are you… are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Octavia,” Raven clenches her jaw. “Just drop it.” 

Clarke approaches Raven before Octavia can say anything else, and she takes a few steps backward, biting her lip. Everyone in the room is startled when Raven snaps and punches Clarke. And then there’s yelling, and more than one person is on the verge of tears. 

 

* * *

 

Everyone stays in their respective corners of the room from then on out. Octavia sits on the table, head resting in her hands. They’ve been there for a while now. Raven’s on the opposite side of the room, leaning against the wall with her eyes fixed on the ground. Octavia knows better than to try and talk to her.

The sound of keys being jostled is enough to catch everyone’s attention. All heads shoot up, and Octavia jumps to her feet. Three of the warriors enter the room, and the stoic look on their faces is enough to strike fear into Octavia’s chest. She takes a few careful steps backwards.

_ “Teik em we _ ,” Indra orders. Before Octavia can even figure out what she’s said, two of the men are shoving her aside and making their way over to Raven. Kane and Abby move to reason with Indra, and Octavia’s ducking around bodies to get to Raven’s side.

“Hey,  _ stop _ ,” she tries to shove one of the men away. “ _ Let her go _ ,” her voice is low in the back of her throat and she grabs the first thing she can get ahold of -- Raven’s wrist. One of the guards knocks her backwards with his elbow, and just as she’s about to lunge forwards at him, Bellamy grabs the back of her jacket and pulls her away. She glares at him, but by then it’s too late. Raven’s already disappeared.

“The rest of you are free,” Indra’s eyes scan the room. “When she’s dead, so is the alliance.”

 

* * *

 

Octavia is the first to burst out of the chamber once they’re freed, sprinting through the village in search of the commander. She’s gonna kill her, she swears. Bellamy and the others aren’t far behind her. She gets there just in time, shoving through the crowd that’s gathered and skidding to a stop when she sees Raven, arms tied above her head, tied to a thick pole in the middle of the circle. Octavia’s eyes burn with rage.

Bellamy has to physically hold Octavia back when Lexa, the commander, takes a step forward with her dagger extended. 

“Let  _ go _ of me,” she hisses under her breath, fighting his grip. “We can’t just  _ stand _ here!” Octavia turns to look at Kane and Abby, but they look just as lost for words as everyone else. 

Raven’s scream pierces the air and Octavia has to look away. She’d cover her ears and curl into a ball if she could. Bellamy tries to pull her away but as she fights him she catches glimpses of Raven, blood running down her arm. That alone is enough to fuel her strength, and she twists herself out of Bellamy’s grip. 

Just as Lexa raises her dagger, Octavia’s breaking through the crowd, snatching the weapon out of the commander’s hand and holding it up between them, threatening her. She stares Lexa down. There’s the clanking of metal and she can feel multiple swords raised in her direction. But she keeps her cold eyes focused on Lexa’s.

“If you so much as  _ touch _ her again, so help me god, I will--,” she’s cut off when someone grabs a handful of her hair and yanks her back. Before she can make one last, desperate attempt to lunge at Lexa, a voice appears.

“Octavia!” Clarke breaks through the crowd, holding something in both hands. She turns to Lexa, her eyes pleading. “One of your people tried to kill you, Lexa. Not one of mine. I can prove it.”

Octavia doesn’t even pay attention to anything that happens next. She welcomes the distraction, allowing her to duck under the sword at her neck and scramble over to Raven’s side. Just as she reaches up to cut the ties and free the girl, there’s a strong hand on her shoulder. She reels backwards and glares at the grounder guard.

“You can’t--,” he starts, but Octavia’s quick to reply.

“ _ Ai na frag yu,”  _ she growls. He draws his sword and it takes everything in Octavia not to show her fear.

“ _ Chil yo daun, Hans, _ ” Lexa’s voice rings out. “Let her go.” The warrior glares at her, but Octavia’s too busy hurrying back to Raven’s side and slicing through her restraints. The girl practically falls into her arms when the rope snaps. Gritting her teeth, Octavia carefully situates herself under Raven’s arm, holding one arm around the girl’s back to keep her upright. 

“You’re okay,” Octavia whispers, more to herself than anyone. Carefully, she begins leading Raven away from the middle of the crowd -- away from everyone’s eyes. Nyko hurries after her, offering his help, but Octavia snaps at him. They let this happen.

Remembering her whereabouts earlier that day, Octavia navigates them over to the middle of the village and carefully lowers Raven down to sit on the stump. Raven winces in pain, drawing in a sharp breath through gritted teeth.

“Sorry,” Octavia’s quick to apologize. Raven just nods, shakily lifting her arms to survey the damage. Octavia looks around anxiously, trying to find something she can use to stop the bleeding. 

Her eyes land on a group of grounder children who have gathered in a clump by the fountain, watching them curiously. She quickly spots a familiar face. 

“ _ Jak!” _ She calls out, motioning for the young boy. She racks her brain for the right word. “Water…?” she crouches down and looks at the boy hopefully, motioning to Raven. “ _ Woda?” _

Now graced with a mission, the small boy nods furiously. As he sprints off, another one of the children takes a few shy steps forward. She fumbles with something in the pocket of her apron, and shyly bends down to lay a few strips of thick cloth on the ground in front of Octavia. She then quickly scurries back to the group, leaving a shocked Octavia in her wake. 

In one day, she’s seen the darker side of these people, but she’s also seen their light -- the children who braid her hair and so quietly try to help her. She meets the girl’s eyes in the group and gives her a small smile.

Jak soon returns, stiffly carrying a wooden bowl of water that he carefully places in front of Octavia. She thanks him, and he offers her a small bow before rejoining the other grounder children, who crowd around him giddily. 

Meanwhile, Octavia dunks one of the rags in the water and wrings it out. Carefully, she takes Raven’s arm, looking at her for approval before turning her wrist upwards so she can clean at the wounds on her upper arm. Raven closes her eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to hold her arms still.

Just then, someone kneels beside Octavia. It’s an older woman, with dark skin aged by the sun. In her hands is a small stone bowl, and she’s crushing some sort of dark green powder within it. 

“ _ Good _ ,” she speaks broken English. Octavia watches as she dips her fingertips in the bowl of water and lets it drip atop the powder, mixing it into some sort of thick liquid. She holds out the bowl to Octavia. “ _ Good _ ,” she repeats herself, nodding for Octavia to accept it. 

Curiously, Octavia dips two of her fingers into the bowl and rubs the substance between her fingers, realizing it must be some sort of salve for the wounds. “For her?” She asks softly, gesturing to Raven. The woman nods and sets the bowl down at Octavia’s feet. 

“ _ Mochof _ ,” Octavia bows her head to the woman, who returns the gesture. Once they’re left alone again, Octavia scoots closer to Raven, who has watched the interaction between the two. When Octavia moves to spread the salve on her arms, Raven hesitates, looking at her questioningly. 

“You can trust them,” Octavia shakes her head and places a hand on Raven’s wrist to keep her still. “Not all of them are bad.”

Raven doesn’t relax, but she doesn’t try and pull away, either. Gently, Octavia coats the deep cuts on her arms with the dark green medicine. It stings at first and Raven tenses, but soon she’s exhaling slowly to calm herself down. Soon, Octavia’s wrapping the dark cloths around Raven’s arms to keep the bleeding down. Once she’s finished, she takes a deep breath and sits back on her heels, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand.

“So when do I get to save your ass for once?” 

Raven’s voice startles Octavia and she looks up quickly. The dark haired girl nudges her shoulder with a sad smile, trying to convince Octavia to loosen up. Octavia can’t help but let out a soft laugh. She knows well enough that this is Raven’s way of thanking her. And, to be honest, she’s more than okay with that. 

* * *

 

 

“Octavia?”

“Hm?” 

They’ve been walking for a while now. It’s long past sunset, and the pathway back to their camp is dimly lit by the torches a few of the grounder escorts carry. Octavia holds onto a thick braided rope, leading one of the smaller horses at the head of their group. Raven sits atop the horse, trying not to wince every time her position shifts uncomfortably. 

“What’d you say to that guy?” Raven follows up her question, leaning forward slightly to try and keep their conversation quiet.

“Hm?” Octavia hums again and glances back over her shoulder. “What guy?”

“The one who tried to stop you,” Raven nods. She thinks for a moment. “Eye… Eye no… something,” she furrows her eyebrows.

“ _ Ai na frag yu? _ ” Octavia bites her lip. 

“That’s it,” Raven is quick to nod. “What’s that mean?”

Octavia’s eyes widen and she shakes her head. “Nothing,” she mumbles.

“It has to mean  _ something _ ,” Raven presses. “He looked pretty terrified of you after that.”

“It’s nothing,” Octavia insists, but Raven doesn’t buy it. She looks around. 

“Hey!” She catches the attention of one of the larger grounders behind them. “What’s  _ Ai n-- _ ?”

She’s cut off by Octavia quickly turning around to shush her. “Don’t repeat it,” she shakes her head. Raven furrows her eyebrows.

“You’re killin’ me, smalls,” she sighs, leaning forwards. Octavia swears whatever medicine she gave Raven before must have had some sort of psychological effect, too. Raven hasn’t been this talkative with her for as long as she can remember.

“I just... “ Octavia sighs. “I just threatened him… a little.”

“A little?” Raven raises an eyebrow. 

“It was the first thing I could think of,” she shakes her head. “He grabbed for me and I told him I’d kill him.”

“You told him you’d kill him?” Raven sits up straighter and looks at Octavia in shock. The other girl whips her head around and glares at Raven for raising her voice, before making sure no one had overheard them. Raven just laughs in disbelief.

“Well,” Raven yawns, and lies forwards on the horse. “Now I can see why that comment got such a reaction out of him.”

Octavia looks away quickly, hiding the small smile on her face.

* * *

 

 

In the days that follow, activity around the camp starts to pick up. With the alliance now secure, the focus has shifted to Mount Weather. The night after Finn’s funeral, Octavia exchanged tearful goodbyes with her brother, who volunteered to sneak into Mount Weather as an inside man. She knows that it could have easily been the last time she’ll see him. She’s trying not to think about it too much.

Raven’s always occupied. She locks herself in the workshop for hours on end. Clarke comes and goes occasionally to check her progress on getting a better understanding of Mount Weather, but other than that, Raven’s isolated herself to try and keep herself focused.

It’s early morning when the Grounders arrive, setting foot in Camp Jaha for the first time. Octavia’s woken up early for this, and she watches from her perch on the roof as they crowd into the camp. She remains a spectator for a while, watching in equal parts awe and curiosity as Indra leads them in combat practice. Eventually, she makes her way down, joining the few sky people who have been watching. 

“Good, Fio,” Indra calls out when one of the warriors takes down another. “Who’s next?” She turns back to her people. Octavia, however, catches everyone off guard when she tightens her grip on her blade’s strap and makes her way over to Indra.

“I am.” All eyes turn to her. “We’re supposed to train together, right?”

“Only warriors train here,” Indra doesn’t even look at her. Her voice is low and Octavia’s jaw tightens. 

“I saved your life,” she says quietly. Indra still doesn’t turn in her direction. 

“And now I’m saving yours,” the older woman deadpans, slipping past Octavia and calling out directions to her other warriors. Octavia, frustrated, clenches her fists and forces herself to walk away. 

 

* * *

 

Raven’s hunched over the control board of a tone generator she’s taken apart when a knock at the door startles her. 

“Still not done, Clarke!” She calls out in annoyance, shaking her head and turning her attention back to the project in hand. 

“It’s me,” a soft voice appears and the door opens a crack. Octavia peeks her head in the door. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, hi, yeah, sorry,” Raven fumbles over her words and quickly shakes her head. “You’re fine. Something wrong?”

Shrugging, Octavia slips into the room and closes the door quietly behind her. “How’s your arms?” She asks, wandering over to the bench and leaning forward to see what Raven’s working on.

“Better,” Raven shrugs. “How’re the guests?” She nods to the window where the grounders can be seen training. Octavia glances she outside and tilts her head to the side.

“Intimidating,” Octavia laughs under her breath. “Oh, yeah,” she shakes her head, remembering something. The younger girl fumbles in her jacket pocket for a few moments until she retrieves a handful of leather straps. “I got you something.” 

Raven raises an eyebrow and looks at the girl’s hand. “What are they?”

“Oh, right,” Octavia shakes her head again. “I pawned these off one of the grounders,” she spreads them out on the table. “I know your brace kinda… bothers you,” she glances at the girl’s leg. “I figured you could tie these around the joints to try and keep it from digging into your leg.”

Raven, taken aback by the girl’s actions, looks up slowly. “You’re smart,” she laughs softly, reaching out to twist one of the straps around her hand. “You think these will hold?”

“I guess we’ll see,” Octavia shrugs. “Can I…?” She pauses, holding one of the straps and motioning to Raven’s leg. She sees the girl hesitate for a few moments, and she’s about to apologize, but Raven just nods softly. 

“Just be careful.”

“Got it,” Octavia nods quickly. She kneels down, sitting back on her heels and carefully weaving the strips of leather through the joint of Raven’s brace where it meets the knee. Raven watches her, pursing her lips as Octavia slowly ties off the first strip and moves onto the second. When she’s finished, she stands back up and looks at Raven hopefully.

Without exchanging any words, Raven uses both hands to lift her leg, and she rises to her feet. She takes a few careful steps, testing out the girl’s invention before nodding softly.

“It’s a lot better,” she admits, sitting back down. 

“You’re welcome,” Octavia teases quietly. 

“Thanks,” Raven rolls her eyes sarcastically. Octavia just hums her approval.

Raven’s surprised when Octavia doesn’t turn to leave. Instead, she can hear the girl rummaging around in the back of the room. Octavia drags over a metal stool and perches atop of it, sitting cross legged and watching Raven as she picks apart the plastic casing on the circuit board.

Octavia watches her silently for a while, in a manner that reminds Raven of a little kid. It’s as if Octavia’s holding her breath as to try and not disturb her. Humored, Raven continues her work, becoming accustomed to the silence between them.

“What if we just blow them all up?”

Raven’s taken aback when Octavia speaks up, and she pauses what she’s doing to look up at the girl. “What?”

“Mount Weather,” Octavia furrows her eyebrows. “Why can’t we just blow them up?”

“Cause’ that would kill everyone,” Raven shakes her head. “Including the people we’re trying to get out of there alive.”

“ _ Right _ ,” Octavia sighs. “There’s gotta be an easier way we can do this.”

“You let me know when you think of one.”

“Can’t we just cut off their water supply?” Octavia speaks up once more. 

“Again,” Raven laughs and turns to face the girl. “That would involve probably killing a lot of the people we’re supposed to rescue.” She shakes her head, amused by Octavia’s attempts to rationalize the situation. “You’d make a horrible mechanic.”

“Then thank god I’m not a mechanic,” Octavia sighs, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the table. “Do you think we could--?”

She’s cut off when Raven jumps to her feet, snatching some large, electronic box from the back of her workbench. Static hisses through the speakers and Octavia scrambles from her chair to get a closer look. 

“What’s that?”

“Shh,” Raven shushes her, toying madly with a few dials on the radio. Hyper-focused, she curses under her breath when she loses the signal, but punches the table when she gains it again. Noting that her presence won’t be of much help, Octavia quietly slips out of the room, leaving Raven to tinker with her radio.

* * *

 

 

Octavia’s a creature of impulse, usually to her own demise. 

Later that night, just as the fire’s being set in the middle of camp and the grounders are packing up to leave, Octavia’s met with a sudden burst of courage that pushes her to step out from the crowd and confront Indra. 

“Time for one more?” She forces herself to hold eye contact with Indra, who narrows her gaze at the girl.

“Step aside, skygirl, we’re hungry.”

Octavia stands her ground. “Make me.”

“Fio!” Indra’s voice echoes throughout the camp, and she holds stern eye contact with the younger girl. One of the larger warriors steps forward. “Give this girl what she wants.”

And that’s how Octavia gets humiliated in front of half the camp. She’s no match for Fio -- one of Indra’s most experienced warriors. She’s knocked down, time after time, but she won’t allow herself to quit. It’s raining, by now, and a crowd has gathered around them.

She staggers to her feet once more, and actually manages to get a few good hits on the man. She’s so driven by pure rage -- she needs to prove herself -- that she’ll push herself up stubbornly, over and over, until finally she’s knocked to the ground and then kicked violently in the side. As she’s crawling to get back to her feet, Indra stops Fio from knocking her down once more.

“That’s enough,” her voice is loud. “Even a fool knows how to surrender.”

Kane hurries forward to help her to her feet as the group of grounders disperses from around them. Her whole body aches as he leads her into the medical room -- but it’s nothing compared to how utterly humiliated and defeated she feels. It only serves to fuel her ache to fight.

Meanwhile, Raven’s alerted of the commotion outside when she looks up and catches sight of a crowd outside her window. She’s been working since she woke up, and has come up empty handed -- she’s unable to get a signal from Mount Weather, or Bellamy. Finally giving herself a break, she wipes the sweat from her forehead and makes her way outside.

“Did you see that?” She hears the murmur amongst a group of delinquents. Tilting her head to the side, she joins their circle.

“See what?”

“Octavia got her ass kicked,” one of them laughs and nods towards the front circle. Raven’s surprised by the wave of worry that washes over her. She’s filled with anger over the fact that the delinquents are laughing at whatever’s happened to Octavia. Without saying anything else, she storms off, making her way over to the infirmary. 

Kane notices her just as she’s about to enter the building, and he holds out a hand to stop her. “It’s crowded enough as it is,” he tells her. “Abby’s not letting any visitors in.”

“But--,”

“She’ll be fine. She’s a tough kid,” Kane gives her a knowing look. “I’m sure she’ll be looking for you as soon as she’s cleared to leave.”

Raven furrows her eyebrows.  _ How did he know Octavia would…?  _ She shakes her head. “She’s alright?”

“She’s alright,” he nods. “Go take a nap or get yourself something to eat, you’ve been holed up in that room all day.” 

Knowing there’s no changing his mind, Raven reluctantly makes her way back to her workshop. Something’s off -- she can’t quite put her finger on it. Suddenly, she feels something pulling her in another direction. She can’t focus on her work anymore. She’s too worried about Octavia. 

* * *

 

 

The minute Indra makes her way out of the medical room, Raven is bursting her way in. 

She skids to a stop in the doorway when her eyes land on Octavia, bloodied and bruised, sitting on one of the cots with her head hung down. Suddenly, Raven doesn’t want to move any further. She’s hit with the reality of how much she cares about the girl. Why does that make her want to run?

Nevertheless, the desire to stay is greater than the desire to go, and she clears her throat awkwardly to try and catch Octavia’s attention. Confused, the green eyed girl lifts her head and locks eyes with the girl in the doorway. 

“You alright?” Raven asks quietly. Octavia nods slowly.

“Grounder?” Raven makes her way over to the girl and carefully sits down on the cot beside her. 

“Big one,” Octavia mumbles, rubbing the back of her neck to try and alleviate some of the soreness. “I’m an idiot sometimes.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Raven teases, trying to lighten the mood. She looks over at Octavia, expecting the girl to crack a smile, but frowning when she’s met with the same, tired face. Octavia rubs her forehead. 

“Alright, c’mon Blake,” Raven shakes her head and pushes herself up to her feet, confusing Octavia. She refuses to let the girl wallow in her sadness. “We’re breaking you out of here.”

And so, after some initial struggle and Raven’s  _ insisting _ that she’s going to help Octavia, she manages to slip Octavia’s arm around her shoulders and stand up a bit straighter to take some of the weight for her. For once, it causes Octavia more pain to walk than it does Raven. 

Octavia’s sore and exhausted, and as they walk, she doesn’t pay much attention to where they’re going. In fact, she doesn’t realize where they are until Raven carefully lowers her onto a bed. It’s then that Octavia realizes she’s in Raven’s room.

“Hey, this isn’t--,” she starts to sit up but Raven quickly holds out a hand to stop her.

“I know,” the girl shakes her head and turns to tend to something on her dresser. “Figured it’d be more comfortable than the floor in your brother’s room. Don’t get used to it.”

Octavia just hums a low note, too tired and too sore to try and fight Raven’s reasoning. She’s lying flat on her back on the thin mattress, gazing up at the irregular corrugated ceiling. She can hear Raven shuffling around on the other side of the room, and after too much silence, she lifts her head and peers over at the girl. 

Raven, now in just a sports bra and jeans, sits on an old chair in front of her dresser with her bad leg propped up on one of the open drawers. Octavia watches quietly as she struggles to undo the straps of her brace with shaky hands. Raven catches sight of her out of the corner of her eye, and Octavia looks away, embarrassed. A few awkward seconds pass between them before Octavia blurts out the first thing that she can think of.

“I think Indra made me her second today.”

Raven pauses to look at the girl. “What’s that mean?” She asks as she grits her teeth and carefully guides the brace off of her leg. “You’re a grounder now?”

“Judging by what happened today...? Far from it.”

Standing up, Raven leans her body weight onto the dresser and uses her free hand to tug the jeans off of her leg, slowly but surely. Now left in her spandex, she glances over to Octavia. “That bad, huh?”

Octavia nods, watching as Raven slips her arms though a loose fitting t-shirt in her dresser. “I’ll be cleaning dirt out of my mouth for days,” she sighs, rubbing her forehead and grimacing when her hand comes away with a smear of blood.

“Gotta’ stop picking fights with the big kids, Blake,” Raven laughs quietly. Then, carefully, she uses the old chair as a crutch to help her hop the few steps over to the bed. She falls back onto the end of the mattress, making Octavia groan when she’s jostled. 

Octavia stays quiet, staring up at the ceiling. Silence falls over them as Raven leans over and starts massaging her bad leg, something Abby’s told her to do as often as possible to try and stimulate the blood flow. 

The gentle touch of something on her back makes Raven freeze. She lifts her head, furrowing her eyebrows when she feels Octavia’s fingers tracing the exposed skin revealed by her shirt, circling the raised scar in the small of her back. Raven’s breath is caught in her throat and she slowly turns her head to look at Octavia, who isn’t even looking at her, just staring at the scar on her back as she drags her fingers down it. 

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” 

Octavia’s words confuse Raven, who gives her the slightest tilt of the head. Octavia still isn’t meeting her eyes. 

“It really hurts you--your leg,” Octavia states almost matter-of-factly. “I can tell.” 

Raven, still unable to form a coherent sentence, remains silent, goosebumps forming on her arms when Octavia drums her fingers across the scar. Her pointer finger pauses at the end of the raised skin, and Raven hears her take a shaky breath. 

“I should’ve done something,” Octavia breathes out. She pulls her hand away. Raven bites her lip and looks away.

“There’s nothing you could have done.”

“I could’ve been there,” Octavia’s voice is barely a whisper as if she’s on the verge of tears. She turns her head away from Raven and squeezes her eyes tightly shut. 

And now, Raven’s confused. Octavia’s crying? She scoots back on the bed, pulling her good leg up underneath her and glancing shyly at the girl. She’s crying, over her?

Suddenly, Octavia shakes her head and balls her hands into fists, pushing herself up with one hand. “When I get my hands on Murphy I’m gonna fucking--,”

“O,” Raven scoots closer. “ _ Octavia _ ,” she reaches out to grab the girl’s shoulder, but quickly pulls away when Octavia winces. “Sorry,” she mumbles. She takes one look at Octavia and shakes her head. “Calm down.”

“I am calm,” Octavia shoots back. Raven notices something and raises an eyebrow. 

“You smell like booze.”

“Painkiller.”

“Fair enough,” Raven nods softly. Sighing, Octavia slumps back onto the bed. However, she’s sitting back up slightly when she feels Raven’s weight leave the dip in the mattress. 

“Where are you going?”

“To get blankets and stuff…?” Raven furrows her eyebrows and looks at Octavia questioningly. 

“You’re not sleeping in here?” Octavia’s voice is quiet. 

Raven motions to her. “You’re on the bed.”

“Yeah, and?”

Half-asleep and half-intoxicated, Octavia doesn’t notice Raven’s surprise. And because she really is exhausted, Raven lets out a heavy sigh and carefully limps her way to the end of the bed. Octavia scoots over, giving Raven just enough space to shimmy between her and the wall. 

Holding her breath, Raven carefully reaches over Octavia to turn off the homemade lamp next to the bed. As darkness encases the room, she lays flat on her back and gazes up at the shadows on the ceiling. She’s careful not to touch Octavia, even in the slightest, for some reason it scares her. 

(In the middle of the night, Raven’s jolted awake by a heavy  _ thump _ . At first she’s confused, but when she wipes her eyes and looks around the room, she finds Octavia’s fallen off the bed. Stifling a laugh, she scoots over and spreads one of the blankets atop the girl, still asleep.)

* * *

 

 

The following morning, Raven wakes up to find Octavia gone without a trace. She runs into Clarke on the way to her workshop, who’s an anxious mess. Their time is spread thin -- with only a limited amount of days left until their chances at breaking Mount Weather are gone. 

“Was Octavia with you?” Raven interrupts Clarke, who’s pacing around the workshop and going over every single thing that could go wrong today -- the grounder clans are meeting in TonDC to discuss their plan for Mount Weather. Clarke turns to look at Raven and raises an eyebrow.

“She left with Indra. This morning,” Clarke studies the girl. “I saw her leave. Why?”

“She’s her second now,” Raven notes, ignoring Clarke’s question. The girl just nods and makes her way over to one of the whiteboards, studying Raven’s drawings closely. 

The day drags on. Clarke easily gets on Raven’s nerves, constantly checking back in and asking too many questions -- causing Raven to snap at her more than once.  _ No _ , Bellamy hasn’t called through, yet. If he did, Raven assures Clarke that she would be the first to know. She’d much rather have Octavia’s company, who stays quiet and watches, and doesn’t interrupt. 

Bellamy’s voice finally comes through the radio around lunchtime. Raven lets Clarke do most of the talking, but she’s relieved that their plan is still on track. 

Or so she thought. They have their inside man at Mount Weather, but suddenly there’s a much larger problem on their hands. While scouting through the vents, Bellamy happens to listen in on a conversation between some of the leaders at Mount Weather, which the two girls overhear through his earpiece. 

“Did you get that?” Bellamy’s voice is low. Everything else is fuzzy after that, because Raven’s already panicking. 

A missile. Aimed at TonDC.  _ Octavia _ . 

(At this point, it’s really starting to hit Raven just how much she cares.)

Clarke warns Bellamy to be safe before he disconnects. Then, she slams both her hands on the table out of frustration and starts pacing the room. She keeps insisting that she needs to be there, and knowing Clarke, Raven doesn’t try to convince her otherwise. 

Clarke’s practically talking to herself at this point, because Raven’s still silent, holding the radio in one hand and staring at the signal box.  _ She’s blown up a bridge… she has to be able to stop a missile. _ She’s snapped out of her thoughts when she hears the door open.

“Clarke, wait,” she’s quick to jump to her feet. “Octavia…” she shakes her head. She knows if she were to try and accompany Clarke to TonDC that she’d just hold everyone back. “Can you do something? Make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Clarke shakes her head, too distracted to pay much mind to Raven’s question. “Just watch the radio.” 

And with that, she’s gone. Raven watches her from the window, cursing herself for being so  _ useless _ . Powerless. The idea that she virtually can’t to  _ anything  _ at this point makes her feel infinitely small in the grand scheme of things. 

She’s never realized how much the prospect of losing the girl could affect her.

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, Octavia’s blissfully unaware of any coming danger. In fact, she’s pretty damn happy. She’s Indra’s second, and even though she’s deathly worried about her brother, all the sights and sounds of the meeting at TonDC are enough to keep her distracted.

Currently, she’s wandered off from Indra’s side to try and explore the village. Her size doesn’t work to her advantage, though. Even on her tiptoes she can barely see over the large warriors that surround her. But luckily, the entire village is encased in huge oak trees, and Octavia can easily see  _ everything _ from where she’s now seated, high up on the the tallest tree she could find. Indra spots her, and even though she shakes her head in half-hearted disapproval, the woman doesn’t scold her or yell at her to come down. All morning, she’s stressed the importance of soaking up the culture. Besides letting her get her ass kicked by Fio, Indra’s beginning to warm up to Octavia. She won’t admit it, either, but Octavia likes having to fight for her approval. It makes her feel worthy of something. See notices the questioning stares that Indra gets for choosing a  _ skygirl _ as her second, and Octavia realizes this must mean Indra has faith in her. 

She watches the separate clans enter the village, paying close attention to their distinguishing characteristics.  _ Azgeda _ , their raised facial scars and the white war paint that makes them glow in comparison to the other warriors.  _ Sankru _ , the desert clan, who seems to keep themselves separate from the others. Their warriors stick by one another and don’t mingle with neighboring clans. Among them, Octavia notices a few others who must be warrior’s seconds, like her. 

As her eyes scan the expanse of land, something new catches her attention.  _ Clarke _ . She perks up, tilting her head to the side and noting how rushed the girl appears. Carefully, she swings down a branch to get a better look. With squinted eyes, she watches as Clarke follows the commander into a separate building. This peaks her interest. 

“ _ Okteivia _ !” Indra’s voice makes her jump. “Enough. We’re set to patrol west border.”

Octavia nods, only half paying attention. She’s still focused on where Clarke has disappeared to. Indra warns her to hurry before turning back, and just as Octavia’s about to make her way down to the ground, something catches her attention out of the corner of her eye.

Two cloaked figures, heads down, slip out of the same building that Lexa and Clarke had disappeared into. It’s too much of a coincidence for Octavia. She glances down at Indra, weighing her choices before giving in and swinging from her branch to follow the two mysterious shadows. 

The sun has just begun to set as she keeps herself hidden. Her time spent on her own has helped her to master the art of maneuvering from tree to tree without making as much as a sound. She can’t hear much of what’s going on below her, but she’s able to follow the two figures -- who she now knows to be Clarke and Lexa. She’s never trusted Lexa, especially after what she’s done to Raven. And Octavia will be damned if she lets Lexa hurt one of their people once more. 

She’s just about to make the jump to another tree when she hears a faint whistle passing over them. Octavia’s only able to raise her head before there’s a deafening explosion that shakes the ground. And then, she’s losing her footing and crashing through the branches, a wave of stark dizziness rushing through her head upon impact. 

Groaning, Octavia immediately brings her hand up to her shoulder, which caught most of her fall. She grits her teeth and manages to push herself up to her feet through the pain. As soon as she stands, there’s a rush of hot air from behind her. Still recovering from her fall, it takes her a few moments to realize what’s happened. But as she turns around and sees the entire horizon up in flames, panic sets in. She’s pushing aside the pain in her shoulder and sprinting back in the direction of the village. 

She forgets all about Clarke and Lexa as she skids to a stop at the top of the hill, looking down in the large valley the explosion has created. Her blood runs cold. A few other patrols that had been out in the woods make it back at the same time she does, and soon she’s navigating her way around fire and rubble, pulling up slabs of concrete and joining in the search for survivors. 

“ _ Sis au! _ ” A voice rings out from near her, and Octavia’s quick to help one of the older warriors lift and toss heavy boulders from a caved in building. As more and more of the pile is cleared away, Octavia freezes.

“Indra?” Her eyes widen and soon she’s yanking the last of the concrete boulders out of the way. Someone helps carry Indra out of harm’s way and another one of the grounders returns with Abby. 

_ Abby _ ? Octavia’s even more confused. But she’s too wired to try and make sense of Clarke and Lexa’s odd disappearance. There’s other things demanding her attention. 

“Is she okay?” Octavia kneels beside Indra and looks at Abby worriedly. 

“Keep applying pressure,” Abby orders her before shoving a dirty cloth in her hand. All Octavia can do is nod and follow the woman’s instructions. 

“I know I was supposed to be on west border,” Octavia shakes her head, looking at Indra nervously. “But I--,”

“We’ll let this one slide,” Indra actually manages to laugh, even though Octavia can tell she’s in immense pain. The woman clears her throat. “You're careless, but that saved you today.” 

Octavia gives her a sad smile, lifting her head to look around at the destruction that surrounds them. 

For the remainder of the day and into the next, Octavia gains an important lesson in leadership. Because just as morning breaks, the first shot whizzes through the rubble and sends everyone scattering for cover.  _ A sniper. _

At first, Octavia’s begging Indra to let her go into the woods and try and locate the sniper. If she can get up a tree unnoticed, she argues, she can stay up high and take out the sniper from above. But Indra’s having none of it, and she gives Octavia a mission that proves to be even more difficult -- lead the remaining seconds to continue searching for survivors. Octavia dreads this. The other seconds don’t take her seriously. But Indra’s choice does not waver.

So Octavia ends up surprising even herself when she manages to think on her feet and help to create a distraction for the sniper, allowing herself and a few of the remaining warriors to sprint and slide across the terrain, into a ditch where survivors are sure to be buried. As they continue clearing the rubble, she notices that the seconds stop questioning her ideas. They listen to her more willingly. 

Midday, after most of the survivors have been dug out, the snipers shots just…  _ stop _ . Octavia’s still wary, though, and most of the warriors keep themselves low, hidden from plain sight. They’re at a slight disadvantage, the village sits at the bottom of a valley which has only been deepened thanks to the explosion. 

And then the heroes return. And Octavia’s blood boils when she sees Clarke and Lexa standing together at the top of the hill, calling for revenge on Mount Weather. It takes everything in her to keep her mouth shut and not ask them  _ how they survived _ \-- right there, right in front of everyone. But for the moment, she remains stoic and silent.

It’s dark again, and Octavia’s exhausted from working through the night without a wink of sleep. Her shoulder still aches. She pushes through it, hurrying to help Indra to her feet as the rest of the clans start to disperse. One of the older warriors from  _ Sankru _ , whose second Octavia worked beside, even pulls her aside and shakes her hand. She follows Indra, along with Clarke, Lexa and the remaining Trikru warriors as they make their way to a nearby village -- a midway point between TonDC and Mount Weather. 

(Once they get back, one of the TriKru seconds pulls her aside into one of the small huts and sits her down, using her fingers to smear warpaint around her eyes -- two bleeding triangles that vaguely resemble lightning bolts. When Indra notices this later that night, she gives Octavia a soft smile.)

Once it’s dark, Octavia’s finally able to take a moment to herself. Although, she’s still on edge about what’s happened. She just can’t make sense of Clarke and Lexa’s disappearance. It weighs heavy on her. And while she’s sitting by the fire, massaging the her sore shoulder, who else would show up, but Clarke?

Octavia doesn’t hold back. She confronts the girl, making it clear that she knows  _ exactly _ what she was up to. And then, she storms away, feeling a little less like a sky person and a little more like a grounder.

(Lexa nearly has her killed later that day for having seen them escape. But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.)

 

* * *

 

Later that day, the flare that flickers through the sky and dissipates moments later sends the crowd into an uproar. The valley is filled with warriors, Octavia included. She and Indra stand by the front as the commander calls for their war on Mount Weather. And the march begins. 

Octavia follows Indra, pushing their way to the front of the crowd as they funnel through the woods, stomping over rocks and weeds and immersing themselves in the camaraderie that comes with being one warrior in a sea of many. It’s different than anything Octavia’s ever experienced. She’s quiet, taking in her surroundings when she overhears Clarke talking with Lexa.

Something perks her interest and she ducks between two warriors in front of her, keeping a pace beside Clarke. “What’d you say about Raven?”

Clarke, now all-too-aware, turns to Octavia with a raised eyebrow. “I was saying she’s an integral part of the plan.”

Octavia narrows her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Well if she doesn’t get the turbines deactivated at the dam, we won’t even have a chance at opening the door.” 

“The  _ what _ ?” Octavia’s voice turns gravely. “Where is she?”

“The dam,” Clarke motions. “She’s got to blow all five turbines to cut the power.”

“ _ You sent her on a suicide mission _ ?” Octavia hisses, Clarke is quick to defend herself. 

“It was her idea,” Clarke lowers her voice so those around them don’t eavesdrop. “She insisted she could do it. I had to fight just to get her to bring one of the engineers along with her.”

“You shouldn’t have let her go,” Octavia mutters.

“ _ Octavia _ . You really think she would have listened?” Clarke reaches out to touch her shoulder but Octavia jerks out of her touch. “It’s  _ Raven _ .”

“ _ Exactly _ ,” the younger girl hisses. Risking Raven’s life is the last thing they need to do. She’s crucial to their survival. (Crucial to Octavia, too. Although she’s not sure how well that argument will work on Clarke.)

Before Clarke can respond, Octavia’s disappearing back into the crowd, gripping tightly to the base of her blade. But just as she’s about to break away from the group, Indra grabs her wrist and tugs her backwards. Octavia curses under her breath. 

“ _ Where are you going _ ?” Indra holds tightly to her wrist. Octavia shrinks under her glare. “Don’t wander.” Reluctantly, Octavia remains by Indra’s side. 

It isn’t that she doesn’t trust Raven -- because she does. She’s more than aware of what the girl’s capable of. She just doesn’t trust much of anything else. The world has been unkind to Raven thus far, and Octavia feels sick at the thought of something else happening to the girl.

“Your mind is elsewhere,” Indra speaks bluntly as they walk. Octavia’s caught off guard and she turns to look at her advisor questioningly. 

“She is smart, she can handle herself,” Indra nods. “Focus on the fight in front of you.”

“But she--,” Octavia pauses, clamping her jaw shut when she realizes Indra knows more than she thinks she does. She sees the slightest hint of a smile curve at the woman’s lips when she sees her shock. Not wanting to give her the satisfaction, Octavia simply sighs in defeat. 

 

* * *

 

While Octavia joins the march towards Mount Weather, Raven’s facing a trek of her own. 

She’s made it to the dam, along with one of the engineers from Camp Jaha. She’s convinced Clarke to let her rig the bombs herself, knowing she was the only one who could get it done, and get it done quick. In her bag, she carries five bombs she’s put together. The entire walk, she’s been glancing back at the horizon, where smoke from the missile at TonDC still clouds the air. She’s been trying to radio Clarke for the past two days but their signal has been blocked. The idea that Octavia was right at the center of impact doesn’t set right with her, but she’s trying to push that thought as far as she can to the back of her mind. Raven’s always tried to separate who she is with Octavia, from who she is around everyone else. It’s gotten harder recently. She’s not sure how long she can keep it up.

And so she remains hyper-focused as she wires the bombs underneath the turbines. She’s got four of the five bombs rigged and ready when things start to go downhill. She hears footsteps from where she’s crouched under one of the machines.

“ _ Shit _ ,” the engineer with her curses under his breath. Raven slides out from underneath and her eyes widen when she sees a guard, clad in a blue oxygen suit, standing in the doorway and staring at them in shock.

The engineer is able to knock the man to the ground with his elbow, and he nearly knocks him unconscious as he yells to Raven to rig the last bomb. Her hands shake as she struggles to connect the wires, beginning to doubt that she’ll be able to do this before they get noticed. 

And then, the alarm sounds. And the door across from them bursts open. Raven makes her decision as soon as she sees the two new guards hurrying towards them. She manually activates the bombs, watching as the countdown blinks silently before her eyes. Immediately, she’s rising to her feet and backing up. 

Her eyes remain locked on the timer as she’s slowly cornered by the guards, who are blissfully unaware what’s to come. Just as one of the men raises his radio to call for backup, there’s a brilliant flash of light and the floor seems to dissipate beneath Raven’s feet. She’s thrown backwards, feeling excruciating pain shoot up her leg.

That’s the last thing she remembers.


	4. The Mountain's Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second to last part of this fic. A lot of destruction and a hell of a lot of healing happens here. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think! Getting comments and shit is my favorite part about posting my writing online. Enjoy.
> 
> \- Lena (lenajfc on twitter, txrches on tumblr)  
> (oh, also, i realized i posted the wrong twitter a few times before. my twitter is lenajfc, not txrches.)

They feel it before they hear it. 

Octavia’s leading Indra and a few others through the mines under Mount Weather, where they’ll take their guard at one of the underground entrances. She’s one of the first to notice the rumbling of the ground beneath her feet. Her eyes go wide and moments later, she hears the explosion in the distance.  _ Raven did it _ , she tells herself.  _ She’s fine _ .

However, her panic heightens when she sees Indra glance around them, a look of confusion on her face. Octavia hurries to her.

“What?”

Indra shakes her head. “Nothing. Focus,” she nods towards the map in Octavia’s hands. Truthfully, the explosion had came early, but Indra knows the costs of telling Octavia this. 

Reluctantly, Octavia resumes her work, leading them through the twists and turns of the old mine. She’s able to relax -- if just for a second -- when they reach the large metal door that will grant them access to the Mountain. 

However, not soon after, a retreat horn sounds. And suddenly, as Indra orders her to retreat, she’s torn between her people in Mount Weather, and her people outside of it. (This isn’t the last time.)

When she challenges Indra’s orders, she finds herself with the sharp end of a dagger resting curtly against her collarbone. Her breath catches. She knows her next words will be crucial.

“I’m not going anywhere without my brother,” she breathes out, her voice low. (‘ _ Or Raven _ ,’ she adds in her head.)

And then, she’s squeezing her eyes shut as the blade slices her skin, just enough that she knows she’ll have a faint scar against her collarbone. 

_ “You are no longer my second _ .”

The words hurt more than the cut. She only opens her eyes when she hears footsteps slowly making their way back around the mine. The only one left is Jackson, who attempts to reason with her once last time.

“Octavia, please,” he looks at her hopefully. “Come home with us.”

“I have no home,” she’s quick to say the first words that come to mind -- words that shock even herself. 

It’s only when Jackson leaves that she punches the wall and cries out in frustration.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the day’s events happen in little slivers, playing through her head like a reel from a silent film, all shaky and full of static. Most is a blur, clouded by her anxiety and fueled by adrenaline. But a few images stick in her mind that she knows will be an encore in her nightmares for months to come.

First, she remembers the ashen gray color of Fox’s skin when her lifeless body slides into view. Octavia’s blood ran cold. In that moment, she had begun to realize the severity of what lay ahead. 

She remembers the pure rage that shot up through her body when she ran for the guards. The feel of her blade as she yanked it from one’s heart, and the curve of her wrists as she turned on her heel to slash the other’s throat. She remembers the sound of two bodies slumped against the ground, and she remembers the rush it gave her. Although, in the aftermath, what sticks with her is the overwhelming guilt that washed over her when she realized that  _ she _ was responsible for their deaths. The blood of those two men was on her hands.

She can still feel how the weight in her body seemed to sink, melting down to the floor when she and Maya were surrounded in the dining hall. She remembers the bright panic that spread through her and the urgency in her actions as her eyes skittered around the room to find a way out. And, when there wasn’t a way out, she remembers the exact moment she realized that she was as good as dead. A feeling of absolute powerlessness covered her like a blanket as she held her hands up in surrender. 

But what she will never forget is how, while trying to brace for the death that was sure to come, the entire room suddenly started to melt. She can still hear the hiss of the vents, the blaring of the sirens that burned flashes of red beneath her eyelids, the cold air that rushed in, sounding as if the entire mountain was taking a collective deep breath -- its last breaths.

She remembers the moment when she realized what had been done. Everyone else around her was being swallowed up by the air she breathed. Octavia, the only survivor in the room, was forced to watch as bodies crumpled to the floor around her. Echoes of their cries for help and the god-awful sizzling noise that seemed to emit from their skin still haunts her. 

And although she tried to have no sympathy for those people, her hands shook when she knelt next to Maya and apologized quietly, over and over. She could’ve done something. Not all these people were barbaric. Not all these people were evil. 

All of these memories have burned themselves into the deepest parts of her mind, leaving a mark on her that will never be erased. As soon as she closes her eyes, the sights and sounds of that short time come rushing back at her, flashes of white and red that make her want to curl up in a ball and disappear within herself. 

However, when Jasper bursts into the room, everything seems to catch up with her, hitting her in the back like a train. A gust of wind awakens her, as if she’s been in a zombie-like state since this whole time. Nothing is blurred together. Nothing is black and white. Everything turns into full color when she’s reminded of the fact that she  _ isn’t _ the only survivor. 

As she comes to this realization, Jasper has slid to his knees and is sobbing over Maya’s body. Right away, Octavia knows they both bear the same guilt -- something she thought would make her pain more bearable, but instead just serves to make her feel worse.

But, part of her is still rational. There’s still people that need saving.

“ _ Raven _ ,” she whispers, her eyes widening. She grabs Jasper’s shoulder. “Raven,  _ Jasper _ ,” she shakes her head, a panic spreading through her. “Did she get out? Did you see her?” Her voice is shaking, but Jasper’s not even paying attention to her -- he’s too distraught over what’s happened. 

Octavia, struck with fear, staggers to her feet and takes a few, uncalculated steps backwards. Leaving Jasper makes her feel awful, but she knows her presence won’t mean a thing to him. So instead, she holds her breath (it seems like the polite thing to do), and shakily tiptoes around the bodies that coat the floor. A hand comes up to cup her mouth and stifle a gasp when her eyes land on an infant, no more than a few months old, cold and motionless in his mother’s arms. She wants to cry but she can’t even find the tears.

The minute she gets out of the dining hall, she’s met with the ache to run. And so she sprints, down the long, barren hallways. Everything in her is telling her to run until she can’t anymore -- to get as far away from this destruction as possible. But that’s the child inside of her, insisting she escape. The warrior growing inside of her pushes her to search through room after room, seeking survivors. 

As soon as she hears voices, she’s nearly falling to the ground as she turns on her heel and scrambles down the hallway, breaking through the double doors and skidding to a stop. Sure, she’s looking for survivors, but one name is running through her head, carving itself into her skull.  _ Raven, Raven, Raven _ .

She knows she should be relieved when she finds the room full of survivors -- her people -- standing handcuffed to the wall. Guards are dead around them. She knows this should feel like safety, but to her, it’s the furthest thing from it. 

She’s frozen for a moment, standing in the doorway as her eyes desperately search the room. Raven isn’t there. Should she be relieved? Did she make it out in time? Or should she be filled with a deeper fear?  _ Did she make it at all? _

Kane’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts. He’s cuffed to the wall, calling her name and nodding towards one of the guard’s dead bodies. “Get me the keys,” his voice is distraught. 

Octavia tries to stomach the sick feeling that spreads through her as she slides to her knees and pries the ring of keys from the scabbed, dead hands of one of the guards. Stumbling to her feet, she unlocks Kane’s handcuffs. Before he can even thank her, she’s shoving the keys into his hands and looking at him, panicked.

“ _ Raven _ ,” she breathes out, shaking her hands nervously in front of her. The strain in her voice is enough to make Kane understand what she means, loud and clear. 

He gives the slightest nod of the head, motioning to something behind her. And then, he’s turning to unlock the rest of his people. 

Octavia spins around and feels a rush of emotions suffocate her when she sees, lying on the table Kane had gestured to, the girl she’s been searching for this entire time. She doesn’t even remember telling her feet to move, she just remembers her body being pulled forwards. 

She sees the blood first, the dark veins on Raven’s leg that make Octavia’s anger seem a little more justified. She can’t bring herself to meet Raven’s eyes. The only thing on her mind is getting them  _ out of here _ . With shaky, rushed hands she tugs stubbornly at the restraints that keep the girl tied down. She yanks at them, over and over, desperate to free her. 

Just as she’s about to whip out her sword, scream, and slice the entire fucking table to death, she feels the lightest, most gentle touch of a hand atop hers. Her entire body freezes, growing still like ice from bottom to top. The shaky hand squeezes hers weakly, and slowly, Octavia’s eyes glide up to meet Raven’s. 

Nothing is blurred. Nothing is black and white. Seeing Raven’s face, her eyes searching into hers, Octavia feels the ghost of everything that’s happened finally catch up with her. And so, in a move so uncharacteristic of her, she’s bursting into tears in front of everyone and crumpling to hold Raven tightly, laying her head on the girl’s chest. (She doesn’t notice it, but almost everyone in the room pauses to look over at her, shocked. It’s then that they’re reminded that Octavia, in fact, is only a girl of seventeen, something that’s hard to remember.)

She’s crying because she’s relieved. She’s crying because she’s terrified, she’s haunted. She’s crying because  _ she’s alive.  _ And  _ Raven’s alive _ . Beat down, but alive. They’re far from happy tears, but beneath all the hell she’s feeling, she’s overwhelmingly relieved to have found Raven alive -- to have the girl here, real, palpable. In her arms. It hits her in waves.

She doesn’t see it, but someone is able to unlock the gears that free Raven from the restraints. She feels it, though. She feels weak arms immediately fly up to wrap around her, holding her tightly. The realization that she’s been trying to avoid is now unavoidable -- she really,  _ really _ cares about this girl. An unbearable amount.

“I’m glad you’re alive,” Raven’s voice is faint, shaky, but Octavia hears her loud and clear. She just nods into the girl’s shoulder, feeling the safest she’s felt in days. As everyone around them is freed from their handcuffs and reunited with loved ones, Octavia stays there, unwilling to let go.

(Her brother, on the other side of the room, decides against disturbing her. Seeing her alive is enough of a relief for him.)

“Octavia,” Raven whispers, triggering the girl’s worry. She pulls away quickly. 

“Yeah?” 

“I…” Raven pulls her lips between her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut. “I can’t move.”

Now, Octavia has to face the reality of this situation. She’s been able to get a slight idea of what’s been done to Raven in the time that they’ve been apart. And when she resolves to kill whoever is responsible, she’s hit with the realization that,  _ wait, they’re already dead. _

“Here,” she whispers, carefully snaking her arm under Raven’s torso. And although she looks like a warrior, jet black charcoal on her face and all, the way she carefully lifts Raven into her arms shows a softer side of this warrior -- a side not many people see.

And so, in something that resembles a funeral march, those who have survived slowly funnel out of the desolate mountain, braving the long hike home in the pitch blackness. Octavia trails at the end of the group, trying not to stumble with Raven in her arms. Somehow, Raven’s managed to fall asleep (or lose consciousness). Octavia checks her pulse every few minutes, religiously, just to bring some sort of reassurance to herself.

The walk takes hours. They stop to rest periodically, giving the injured a chance to recuperate. A few people approach Octavia, offering to switch off and carry Raven for a while, but she bluntly refuses. She’s just gotten the girl back. No way in hell is she giving her up again. 

And so, after what feels like the longest night of her life, Octavia follows the rest of her people up the hill to Camp Jaha just as the sun appears over the trees. Instantly, it warms her skin, and she breathes in the outdoor air, feeling slightly less suffocated. She may be haunted and Raven may be hurting, but they’re going to be alright, Octavia decides. They’re gonna be just fine.

* * *

 

 

Octavia does something risky. 

Raven’s yet to wake up. The minute they got to camp, she was whisked away into the infirmary. Octavia’s remained by her side since, like a guard dog. Everyone tries to reassure her that she should rest, that Raven will probably sleep for a long while, but she’s yet to move. 

Eventually, after staring at the wound on Raven’s leg for too long, Octavia feels the need to take a breather. Except instead of taking a nap or finding someone to talk to, she’s leaving camp, quietly sneaking under the dip in the fence and hurrying back off into the woods. 

And that’s how she ends up crouched in a tree bordering a Trikru village. She knows it’s dangerous, considering the alliance was broken and she could easily be killed if she’s discovered. Some people are worth risking it all for, though.

She clutches the stones in her pocket and scans the camp. It doesn’t take long to find Nyko, outside of his tent, washing out rags in a bucket. Carefully, biting her lip, she aims one of the stones and tosses it in his direction. It bounces off one of the poles on his tent with a  _ ping _ .

Immediately, the man looks around in confusion. Again, Octavia throws another stone, this time landing it just a few feet away from him. That’s when he looks up and sees her, and she tenses, knowing this could go one of two ways. 

She exhales slowly when he doesn’t alert his people of her presence. Instead, he looks around carefully before walking quickly into the woods. Octavia swings down to the ground and lands in front of him. 

“ _ What are you thinking? _ ” He hisses, grabbing her arm roughly and pulling her deeper into the forest. She tries not to wince at the pain in her shoulder. “I could kill you right now.”

“I need your help,” Octavia ignores his warnings, meeting his eyes desperately. “We have little medicine.  _ Beja _ ,  _ Nyko _ , how are you treating your survivors?”

There’s silence for a few moments as the older healer studies the girl’s face. He’s wary of a trap, but Octavia’s pure desperation is enough to convince him otherwise. He sighs, rubbing his forehead. 

“This is it,  _ Okteivia _ ,” he warns her. “You can’t keep coming back here.”

“ _ Please _ .”

“Stay here,” he holds up a finger to keep her quiet. Octavia shakes her leg anxiously as he disappears back into his village. The seconds pass like minutes, but eventually he returns, out of breath. 

He hands her a small leather pouch, which she digs through, holding up a branch of leaves and a vial of dark powder. 

“Chew the leaves, mix with the root,” he taps the powder. “A few drops of water is all you need. It’s what I’ve been giving my people.”

“ _ Mochof _ ,” Octavia sighs and shakes her head. “Thank you.”

“Also,” he holds up a finger to signal for her to wait, pulling a small corked bottle from his back pocket. “A parting gift.” 

Furrowing her eyebrows, Octavia accepts the small bottle and uncorks the lid, bringing it to her nose. She tilts her head to the side, the pungent smell of alcohol rushing through her. “ _ Souda _ ?” She questions.

“Painkiller,” he nods. Octavia can’t help but laugh softly. 

“ _ Mochof _ ,” she half bows, respectfully, and holds out her hand. Nyko takes it, squeezing her wrist and shaking it firmly. 

“I see why Indra took a liking to you,” he nods. “You really care about your people. So much that you risk your own life.” He motions back to the village. Not one who’s practiced in receiving praise, all Octavia can do is nod softly, although his words mean more to her than he will ever know. 

They part ways, and as Octavia dodges through the woods to make her back to camp, Nyko’s words echo through her mind.  _ You really care about your people _ . It’s an odd idea for her to grasp, but she does, she realizes. She does care about her people.  _ Her person. _

 

* * *

 

When Octavia slinks back into the infirmary, trying not to make a big deal out of her reappearance, Raven’s yet to wake up. 

Shedding her jacket, Octavia pulls a chair up beside Raven’s cot and starts to lay out the herbs, but a hand on her shoulder demands her attention. Abby. She glances up at the woman. 

“What happened here?” She asks, nodding towards the dark bruise that covers a large section of Octavia’s upper body, melting down her arm and scarring around her shoulder. Octavia tries to pulls away, but winces. Abby raises a knowing eyebrow at her. 

“I fell,” Octavia mumbles. She moves to turn back to Raven, but Abby blocks her. 

“Just let me take a look at it,” she interrupts Octavia, who’s just opened her mouth to protest. Sighing, Octavia slumps down in one of the chairs, letting Abby take her temperature and then trying to hide her discomfort as the woman presses her thumbs into the sensitive skin on her shoulder. It doesn’t take long for Abby to shake her head and stand back up.

“Your shoulder is dislocated, Octavia,” she explains, concern in her voice. “I’m gonna need to have to move it back into place.”

Octavia purses her lips and glances over at her shoulder, just now realizing how abnormal it looks. She furrows her eyebrows. “Make it quick.”

Abby’s shocked by this. “Right now?”

“Why not?” Octavia glances at Raven, and then it starts to make sense.

“Alright then,” Abby kneels down in front of her. “I’ll make it quick.” She fishes around in her pocket, handing Octavia a clean rag. “Bite down on this.”

Ignoring her, Octavia just squeezes the cloth in-between her hands. Giving up on getting the girl to listen to her, Abby gently feels around her shoulder before holding her collarbone in place and shifting the joint. Octavia breathes in sharply, nails digging into the rag. She didn’t expect it to hurt this much.

Even though she’s biting her lip so hard she’ll draw blood, Octavia doesn’t make a sound, even when the shoulder locks back into place and makes a god-awful popping noise. A single tear runs down her cheek, but she’s quick to wipe it away. She thanks Abby quietly, who disappears to bring her back some ice.

As soon as she’s left alone once more, Octavia groans and moves her shoulder slowly, trying to get used to the discomfort. She’s over it quickly, though. Her attention is almost instantly back on Raven. 

Finding a bowl on the counter near her, Octavia dumps the dark powder into it and then pauses to look at the leaves Nyko has given her. Questioningly, she takes a bite of one and chews it, grimacing at the bitter taste it leaves in her mouth. But she bears it, mixing the ground up leaves with the powder and a few drops of water. The mixture turns a dark green color and smells almost… minty. Carefully, Octavia uses two fingers to apply it to Raven’s leg. By the time Abby returns with an ice back and a cloth for a sling, Octavia’s hidden the foreign medicine under her jacket.

Just as she takes the ice pack from Abby’s hand, there’s a shift beside her.

“Where are we?”

Raven’s voice is gravelly. Right away, Octavia’s ice pack is thrown aside and she’s dunking a tin cup into the water bucket nearby. She hurries to Raven’s side and holds up the cup. “Drink.” (Abby, confident that Octavia’s got this handled, watches the two for a moment before moving to tend to another patient.)

Raven shakes her head and pushes the cup away weaky. “Where are we?” She asks again. 

“Back at camp,” Octavia tilts her head to the side, her voice gentle. “You’re in the infirmary.”

“I’m not dead?” Raven’s eyes widen and she moves to sit up, but is quickly reminded of the excruciating pain in her leg, as it shoots up her body and brings tears to her eyes. “Oh, shit…” she hisses. “Ow.”

“Of course you’re not dead,” Octavia laughs quietly. Her eyebrows stitch together when she sees how much pain the girl’s in, and she quickly rushes to snatch a few pillows from the empty beds in the room. Carefully, she helps Raven sit up, propping the pillows behind her to keep her upright.

“Drink,” Octavia holds out the cup again, looking at her hopefully. When Raven doesn’t fight her, she cups the girl’s chin with one hand and helps her take a few sips of water with the other. “Are you hungry?”

Raven’s not paying attention to her, though. When Octavia sets the cup of water down, Raven’s eyes fixate on the inflamed skin, exposed underneath her tank top. Octavia freezes when she sits back up, and Raven gently runs her fingers over her shoulder.

“What happened?” She asks, concerned. 

“Fell out of a tree,” Octavia half-shrugs. “No big deal.”

“It doesn’t hurt?” Raven tilts her head to the side. Octavia shakes her head, feeling like her pain is simply a papercut compared to what Raven’s dealt with. However, she winces involuntarily when Raven presses slightly harder on her shoulder. 

The older girl quickly pulls her hand away. “Sorry.”

Octavia, sheepishly, offers the girl a sad smile. “Hey, at least we’re alive, right?” Raven’s face falls slightly and Octavia curses herself for saying something wrong.

“I really thought you were dead,” Raven whispers, shaking her head. “I really did.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, I thought you were dead too,” Octavia shrugs with one shoulder. This gets a soft laugh out of Raven, who grows pensive for a moment. 

“We’ve avoided death too many times for it to be coincidence,” she decides, cracking a half-smile. “No matter how hard we try, I don’t think we’re getting rid of each other anytime soon.” 

Octavia’s quick to look away, hiding the fact that her face has just turned bright red. “Drink,” she mumbles, holding up the cup once more. And although she doesn’t say much, for Raven, seeing the small smile on the girl’s face is enough. It’s more than enough. 

 

* * *

 

Octavia doesn’t sleep that night -- adding onto the countless days she’s forced herself to stay awake, partly because she’s scared of what she’ll see when she closes her eyes, but also because there’s just so much to be done. 

It’s about midnight when she’s finally able to convince Abby that she can take it from there, that the older doctor should go get some well-deserved sleep. And so now, she’s the only one awake in the infirmary, echoey high ceilings and all.

She’s already changed bandages, filled water buckets, and scrubbed down vacant cots more times than she can count. At this point, she’s finding things to do just to keep her on her feet. She’s not going to sleep, not on her watch. 

“ _ There she is, _ ” a voice echos from behind her, making her jump and splash the heavy bucket of water in her hands. But quickly, she’s setting her things down and hurrying over to wrap her brother in a tight hug.

“Where have you been?” he asks when they pull away. Octavia motions to where she stands.

“Here.” She sees Bellamy’s confusion and shakes her head. “Abby needed help. Where have  _ you  _ been?” 

“Patrols,” he nods. “We’re keeping an eye on the forest. Grounders might retaliate.”

Octavia raises a questioning eyebrow. “That’s not gonna happen,” she shakes her head. “They owe  _ us _ . Even after they pulled their warriors out we managed to save their people. Who knows how many more of them the Mountain would have taken if it hadn’t been for us.”

“They’re unpredictable, O.”

“No they’re not,” she feels herself growing defensive for some reason, and she turns to look at him, dumbfounded. “They don’t fight just to fight, Bellamy. They’re do what they do because of their people. Were you being unpredictable when you killed all those people in the Mountain?” she sees her brother’s face grow softer. “Were you?”

“Not exactly…”

Octavia nods, making her point. Somewhat annoyed by his remarks, she resumes washing out dirty rags in a bucket of clean water. “Does Clarke know about all the trips we’ve been making back to the Mountain?”

“Clarke left.”

Octavia pauses, turning around and looking at Bellamy as if he’s gone insane. 

“You didn’t know…?” he sits down on one of the empty cots and cups the back of his neck. “When we got back from Mount Weather, she never even came in the gates. She just left.”

“ _ Coward _ ,” Octavia mutters under her breath, loud enough for Bellamy to hear. 

“You know nothing, Octavia,” he stands up, raising his voice. She does the same. “You didn’t--,”

“I didn’t  _ what _ ?” She takes a step closer to him, tilting her head to the side. “Didn’t watch them die through a screen? Yeah, you’re right, I didn’t,” her gaze grows cold. “I was there, I saw it happen,” her hands curl into fists. “Innocent people, Bell… I saw a  _ baby _ in--,”

“I saved your life,” he cuts her off. Octavia’s shaking her head as soon as he speaks. 

“ _ I didn’t ask you to _ .” 

“You’re saying I should have just let you die? Let all our people die?” 

Octavia can’t come up with a response so she just shakes her head, turns around, and throws her rag into the bucket. “At least you didn’t leave,” she mutters, running a hand through her hair and exhaling slowly.

“Wouldn’t you have done the same?” Bellamy challenges her. For some reason, Octavia’s offended by this accusation.

“Some of us just can’t walk away, Bellamy,” she meets his eyes. Her tone is no longer threatening. Somewhere, deep down, she understands. But at this point, she’s just so desperate for a resolution. “It’s not that easy,” she adds, a soft whisper.

“Octavia... “ Bellamy starts, but his voice trails off when he notices his sister’s gaze has shifted, along with her thoughts. Her follows her eyes, looking over his shoulder to the small cot in the corner.  _ Raven _ . At this point, he should have known. 

Instead of pressing her any longer, he sighs and sits down on one of the cots. “How’s she doing?”

Octavia’s head shoots up and she realizes what he’s noticed. Flustered, she turns away and dunks another rag into the bucket, trying to hide her embarrassment. “Oh, yeah, that,” she shakes her head. “She’ll be alright.” She makes busy with her hands, wringing out the rag and immersing it in the water once more.

“You’re worried about her,” he notes matter-of-factly. At this point, Octavia knows nothing gets past her brother. Exhausted, she lets her shoulders slump, sets the rag down, and turns to face him.

“Is it that obvious?” Her voice is quiet. 

At the sudden change in her disposition, all Bellamy can do is laugh softly and nod his head. He holds out his arms for her. “C’mere, kid.”

Suddenly, she’s 6 years old again, waking up from a nightmare and finding her big brother in the dark, making him promise to fight the monsters off. She falls into his arms, holding tightly to him and burying her head against his guard’s jacket, reveling in the sense of familiarity. “M’not a kid,” she mumbles quietly. (Bellamy pretends he doesn’t know she’s crying.)

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Raven wakes slowly, a beam of light stretching through the crack in the window and melting across her face. Her eyes flutter open, and the first thing she sees is the girl next to her, who’s yet to notice that she’s awake. 

Octavia’s curled up on the uncomfortable metal chair next to Raven’s cot, legs against her chest and head laying on her knees. In front of her, she holds a small piece of melted scrap metal, and in the other, she scratches small patterns into it with a small piece of glass. Keeping quiet, Raven just watches, soaking in the silent serenity of the morning that she’s missed so fiercely. 

“You’re breathing funny.”

When she speaks, she startles Octavia, who jumps slightly and turns to look at her with wide eyes. “What?” she asks, her voice soft and raspy. 

“When you concentrate,” Raven nods in her direction. “You like… hold your breath all timidly.”

Octavia scrunches her nose, leaning over to place the small piece of metal on the stool beside her, an intricate pattern of x’s and o’s carved into it. The repetition soothes her. 

“What’s this?” Raven slowly sits up against the pillows, reaching out and holding up the small bottle at Octavia’s feet. She raises an eyebrow, takes a swig, and then blinks rapidly at the taste. “ _ Painkiller _ ,” she notes, answering her own question. “How’s the shoulder?”

Octavia shrugs, keeping quiet and taking the bottle back from Raven. She takes another sip and swings the neck of the bottle, keeping her eyes focusing on the remaining drink swirling around in the bottom. Raven furrows her eyebrows.

“Is something wrong?” she asks. She’s met with silence, Octavia shakes the bottle again, making the alcohol bubble up and fizzle back down. A few tense seconds pass between them.

“You should really stop sending yourself on suicide missions,” Octavia finally speaks, her eyes still trained on the bottle. Raven sits up slightly, taken off guard. And for some reason, offended.

“Is it because of my leg?” her voice has an edge to it. Upon hearing this, Octavia finally turns to look at her, confused. 

“No,” she stares at the girl, dumbfounded. Sighing, Octavia shakes her head and rests her head back on her knees. “You’re just not expendable. Not like you think you are.” She half mumbles this, her chin tucked into her knees.

At this, Raven’s caught even more off guard. Using both of her arms, she pushes herself up and studies the girl. Octavia’s afraid to look at her. With a sigh, Raven slips the bottle out of Octavia’s hands and tips it back, coughing as the sour liquid burns her throat. “Hurry up and save the world, right?” The bottle clinks against the floor when she sets it down, now empty.

“The world can wait,” Octavia’s eyes glance down to the bottle and then to her hands, anywhere but Raven. “It doesn’t deserve you.”

Raven stares at her, willing the girl to turn her head, but Octavia doesn’t budge. Sighing, she slumps back against her pillows. “Yeah? Then who does?”

Octavia doesn’t miss the ‘ _ who _ ,’ and maybe it’s the alcohol, but it gives her a funny sorta’ warm feeling that spreads over her. However, before anything else can happen, another one of the patients wakes up coughing, and whatever moment they shared is over, shattered and whisked away like ash from a fire. 

 

* * *

 

“C’mon.”

“What if it doesn’t fit?” 

“It will.”

“It looks different.”

“It  _ is _ different,” Octavia sighs and sits down in the chair beside Raven’s cot. “It’s probably better than the homemade one you had before.”

Raven hums in defiance. Abby and a group of sky people have just returned from Mount Weather, toting back crates piled high with supplies. Octavia’s not sure how she feels about this, but at the moment, she’s grateful, because Abby’s brought back a box from the medical ward. And with some careful engineering, Octavia and Abby have turned a knee brace into a brace long enough to suit Raven’s leg. The only problem is she’s going to take some convincing to give it a try.

“You’re telling me the same girl who’s been complaining all day about being stuck on that cot doesn’t even want to give it a try?” Octavia holds up the brace hopefully. She’s quite proud of her handiwork, to be honest. It’s much more practical than the heavy contraption of scrap metal that Raven was making do with before.

Sighing, Raven shifts her position slightly and shakes her head. “It hurts.”

Pursing her lips, Octavia nods softly and glances down at the bandages covering Raven’s leg. “I know,” she taps the brace against the floor absentmindedly. “But Abby says the sooner you’re back on your feet, the easier it’ll be for you to get adjusted again. Even if it’s just for a couple steps.”

Raven doesn’t say anything, but slowly, she attempts to sit up. Octavia’s quick to her feet, standing by in case she needs help. Holding her breath, Raven shifts her body so her legs now hang over the side of the cot, the tips of her bare feet just touching the ground. Octavia watches as the girl’s eyes look down hesitantly, skittering back and forth from her leg to the brace. Suddenly, Octavia’s worried she’s being too forceful.

“If you really don’t feel ready…” She starts, but Raven shakes her head to cut her off right away. 

“I can do it,” Raven exhales slowly. She’s headstrong, but now she feels infinitely weak, as if her words can’t match her physical abilities. She glances to Octavia before quickly looking away, squeezing her eyes shut. “It’s just…” she wrings her hands together. “What if I can’t?”

“If I didn’t think you could do it, I wouldn’t be here, Raven,” Octavia’s quick to reply. After a few seconds of silence, Raven gives in, takes the brace from Octavia’s hand, and carefully uses the velcro to hug it tightly around her leg. Once she’s finished, she leans her hands back on her cot and bites her lip.

Raven looks back to Octavia, who gives her a sad smile and extends her hand. She sees the effort the girl is making, something she’s not used to. It intrigues her, but at the same time, scares her. She doesn’t want to become used to it, to suddenly have something else that could be taken away.

After a few seconds of careful deliberation, Raven reaches out to take Octavia’s hand, letting the girl slowly help her to her feet. Her legs are shaky, and standing up for the first time in a while makes her feel slightly lightheaded, but Octavia’s there, wrapping an arm around the small of her back to keep her steady.

“You good?” she asks softly. Wincing, Raven nods quickly and grips tightly to Octavia’s shoulder. Before Octavia can even ask her if she’s ready to walk, Raven’s already taking a small step forwards, shifting her weight. Octavia matches her step, allowing her to set the pace.

“ _ And the ever-invincible Raven Reyes has done it again, ladies and gentlemen _ ,” Octavia puts on a fake announcer voice, just low enough for the two of them to hear. Raven’s hyper-focused on her steps, but Octavia manages to get her to crack a smile. Slowly, but surely, they make their way out of the infirmary. 

Raven doesn’t want a show, and Octavia’s aware of that, so they spend their time walking up and down the hallways, just them. Octavia takes up humming ‘We Are the Champions,’ which manages to make Raven laugh even though her discomfort. They don’t really need words between them, Octavia knows when to pause and let Raven adjust; she knows when to hold tighter, and when to loosen her grip to let Raven take more of the weight on her own. She just  _ knows _ , as if she’s finely tuned to the same station as the girl.

So, Octavia knows when Raven’s pushing herself a bit too hard for the first day, and instead of turning them around at the end of the hallway, she changes paths and slowly leads Raven in the direction of her bedroom. If Raven notices, she doesn’t say anything, probably because she’s too scared to admit that there’s only so much she can handle. And so, she’s thankful Octavia doesn’t bring it up. Octavia just gets it, and she likes that.

“I’ve got it,” Raven breaks the silence once they’re back in the room, placing a hand on the dresser and nodding to Octavia. So carefully, Octavia pries herself off of the girl, keeping a hand on her shoulder until she’s sure Raven’s got her balance. She’s about to say something to fill the silence when Raven reaches her hands over her back, grabs the neckline of her shirt, and tugs it off. Like a little kid, who’s seen something they’re not supposed to, Octavia’s eyes grow wide and she’s quick to turn around. Raven doesn’t seem to notice.

Sure, they’ve gotten dressed and undressed in front of each other before, practically all of them have. But something about this is different, and Raven does it so casually, and Octavia’s face grows red, which she curses herself for. Flustered, her eyes land on the bed and she hurries over to make it, tucking in the sheets and fluffing out the pillows, and basically anything she can do to keep busy and keep her back turned to Raven. 

Eventually, an odd kind of quiet falls over the room, and Octavia’s compelled to turn around. She stills when she finds Raven standing in front of the mirror in nothing but her spandex, hugging a crumpled up nightshirt to her chest and studying her reflection. It’s not the sight of her that gives Octavia chills, but it’s the look in Raven’s eyes that strikes her so deeply. Octavia doesn’t say anything, just watches, transfixed, as Raven turns to the side slightly and runs her fingers over the ridged scars on her upper arms. They’ve just healed following Lexa’s torture, serving only as predecessors to the new scars and bruises that have resulted from her time in Mount Weather. Her eyes fall shut for a few moments, frustrated.

“You look like  _ Azgeda _ .”

Raven jumps when Octavia speaks, breaking the silence between them. Snapped out of her daze, the tugs her shirt over her head and turns to the girl, raising a questioning eyebrow. 

“Ice Nation,” Octavia explains. “They tattoo their warriors with scarring,” she nods in Raven’s direction. “It’s a sign of strength for them.”

Raven, finding Octavia’s knowledge of grounders oddly adorable, offers her a sad smile. “Are they badass?”

“Only the baddest,” Octavia laughs softly. She tilts her head to the side, which is met by a small nod from Raven, and so she carefully moves to help the girl over to the bed. Once Raven’s seated, Octavia plops down beside her. She watches for a moment while Raven rubs the sore skin around her knee. “How’s it feel?”

“Hurts like a bitch,” Raven sighs, no longer trying to hide it. “How’s the shoulder?”

“Sore,” Octavia half-shrugs and then thinks for a moment. “Are you hungry?”

Raven shakes her head and glances at the bed. “I’m just really tired,” she admits. “I might--,”

“Oh, okay,” Octavia tenses, not wanting to overstay her welcome. She hurries to stand to her feet. “I, uh, do you need anything?” 

Raven just shakes her head and scoots further back on the bed. Nervous, Octavia mumbles a quiet goodnight and hurries to leave the room.

“Octavia?” Raven’s voice stops her just before she steps through the doorway. She pauses. 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Octavia turns around to look at the girl, somewhat shocked. “Always,” she says quietly. And then, she’s gone. 

 

* * *

 

Always. 

Octavia shakes her head and curses under her breath as she makes her way down the hallway.  _ Always _ . Always? She said always. That’s not even a proper response when someone thanks you.  _ Always?  _ God, she was so flustered in the moment she just said the first thing that came to her mind. Raven’s going to think she’s some sort of blubbering idiot. 

Trying to shake off her nerves, Octavia, now alone for the first time in a few days, wanders outside and pauses to take a look around. Things are already starting to change. It no longer looks like the same camp she remembers when she first found her way back. Something’s shifted, beside the few things they’ve brought back from Mount Weather. It’s a change in mood, a change in feeling. It doesn’t sit right with her. Already, she hasn’t really fit in here, but now she feels like a foreigner in her own land. 

She ends up finding Jasper in one of the empty dining rooms, and once she sees him, she can’t bring herself to leave him there all alone. It’s pretty obvious he’s taking the events at Mount Weather harder than almost any of them. She clears her throat in the doorway, and he looks up at her groggily.

“You good?” she asks, tilting her head to the side. He just shrugs and leans back in his chair. Octavia notes the tin cup in his hand, and judging by the way he’s acting, he’s already a few drinks in. Sighing, she grabs an empty chair and spins it around, sitting on it backwards. 

“C’mon, Jasper,” she rests her elbows on the table and gives him a knowing look. She remembers back when they were fresh on the ground, when he couldn’t hide his middle school style crush on the girl. Now, things have changed. They’re seen much more than they could have ever imagined since their first days here.

“Your brother got here before you did,” he rolls his eyes and sets his cup down on the table. Metal against metal echoes around the room. “I’ll tell you the same thing I told him:  _ I’m fine _ . Want a drink?” He reaches under the table and lugs up a large bottle. 

Too tired to try and fight him, Octavia just sighs and nods, holding out her hand. Jasper pours her a cup and slides it across to her. Drumming her nails against the table, she smells the drink before throwing it back and downing almost half of it in one go. When she brings the cup back down to the table, Jasper’s looking at her in shock. 

“Didn’t know you had it in ya’, Blake,” he tops off her cup. Octavia clears her throat. 

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me,” she laughs and takes another swig.

 

* * *

 

“I didn’t expect it to look like that, you know?” 

“I know,” Octavia sighs and drums her fingers against the metal table. She’s not sure how long she’s been drinking with Jasper. Probably too long, but he’s started to get all emotional and blubbery like he does when he’s drunk, and she doesn’t want to just  _ leave him there _ . Plus the alcohol is making her feel all warm and light and it’s a welcome distraction. 

“They literally  _ melted _ ,” he holds up his hands as if water is slipping through them. Octavia takes another swig and nods. “We boiled them,” his words are slurred and he curls both of his hands into fists. “We boiled them alive.”

“ _ We  _ didn’t do anything,” Octavia shakes her head. 

“That’s the point!” Then, he’s slamming his fists into the table and jumping to his feet. Octavia doesn’t flinch. She just watches him until he lets out another sob and slumps back into his chair. This isn’t the first time. She’s used to it by now. 

“But we tried…” she offers, debating for a few moments before snatching the bottle and refilling her cup. She’s probably had one too many, but, who’s there to stop her?

“ _ Not hard enough _ ,” he mutters. “You don’t get it, Octavia. You didn’t  _ see _ Lincoln die, you didn’t  _ feel _ it happen in your hands, you didn’t watch him take his last breaths and know you couldn’t have done  _ anything _ to stop it, you didn’t--,”

“ _ Okay _ ,” Octavia hisses. “I get it.” 

Jasper pauses to look up at her before downing what’s left in his cup and shaking his head. 

And then, he continues to go  _ on and on _ about how it feels to lose the one you love. And how he’ll never recover. And how he’ll never forgive Clarke and the others for letting it happen. And how he literally  _ felt _ the life leave Maya’s body in his arms. 

And the more he goes on, and the more Octavia drinks, the more his words begin to hit a little too close to home. (Not about Lincoln, either. She loved him, but it was different. She loved him, but not in the way she loves…)

Octavia squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head, Jasper’s words becoming too much. She sets her cup down on the table, much harsher than intended. Jasper’s far too intoxicated to even notice. 

“Night,” she mumbles softly to no one in particular. 

She slowly trudges through the maze of hallways until she reaches the exit, pausing in the large archway to gaze outside. It’s just started raining, a steady downpour, and every few moments a flash of lightning splinters across the sky, leaving purple trails behind when she closes her eyes. She takes a few steps forward and just stands in the rain for a minute, holding out her arms and letting it wash over her. She’s wishing this could act like a baptism, the water shedding away all of her shortcomings and burying them deep into the earth. If only.

“Octavia?” 

There’s a voice, and someone puts a hand on her arm to gain her attention. She blinks a few times and tilts her head to the side. Abby. Octavia hums a questioning note.

“Are you alright?” Abby looks around them and then back to Octavia. “What are you doing out here?”

“M’fine,” Octavia mumbles and tugs her hand out of Abby’s grip.

“Where are you going?” the woman calls behind her, well aware that she’s got a few drinks in her system. Octavia pauses, back turned, and thinks for a moment. 

“Home,” she just nods, calling out the first word that comes to mind. In that moment, she’s unaware of the weight it holds. And then she’s off, leaving a confused Abby in her wake.

And so, that’s how Octavia -- intoxicated, exhausted, and not thinking straight -- ends up stumbling down the dimly lit hallway and into Raven’s room. It’s how, in one move, she’s shedding her jacket and boots and crawling into the space between Raven and the wall, practically melting into the sheets and finally feeling the exhaustion she’s been putting off for days. 

It’s how Raven, who’s been awake this whole time, freezes in place when Octavia rolls over, yawns softly, and lets one of her arms fall to lie across Raven’s stomach. It’s how Raven, suddenly  _ wide _ awake, holds her breath for a few moments to try and make sense of this.

“Octavia?” she whispers hesitantly, not sure if she even wants the girl to hear her in fear that she might ruin whatever’s…  _ happening _ . 

Octavia mumbles something that resembles English and buries her head even deeper into the collection of pillows around them. When she moves, Raven catches a whiff of something.

“Are you drunk?” she whispers, turning her head to face the girl. Octavia just hums. Her hand on Raven’s bare stomach curls and uncurls slightly, making goosebumps trail up her arm. After Raven catches her breath, she rolls over carefully to face the girl, who’s already more asleep than she is awake. She sighs.

“What are we gonna do with you, Octavia Blake?” she laughs softly to herself and reaches out to carefully push the girl’s wet hair out of her face. Her fingers linger near her jawline for just a moment, studying the girl in blue light from the shutters. Sighing softly, she reaches down to pull the blankets over both of them before it’s her turn to melt back into the mattress. 

Laying there on her back, eyes shut, Raven breathes slowly and focuses on the feeling of Octavia’s arm across her, her hand on her bare stomach where her shirt has risen up. She stays like this, unable to pull her focus to anything else. It’s gotten to the point that even Raven can’t deny it anymore -- neither in the dark nor in the light -- she wants it, she wants  _ this _ . Quietly, she runs her index finger over the back of Octavia’s hand, tracing down each finger absentmindedly. And that’s how she falls asleep, next to Octavia, with her mind anywhere but the pain in her leg -- the pain she hasn’t noticed since this mumbling stranger found her way into Raven’s bed. 

(She doesn’t mind. She doesn’t mind at all.)


	5. The Bedroom and Beyond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part!! The ending was one of my favorite scenes to write I just... I love them so much. Enjoy.

In the morning, a drop of water lands itself smack dab in the middle of Octavia’s forehead, causing her to mumble inaudibly and turn over. She tugs the blankets tighter around herself and keeps her eyes shut. The peace doesn’t last, though. She finally forces her eyes open after another drop lands right above her ear. Blinking a few times, the ceiling slowly starts to come into focus. Still groggy from the night before, she rolls over and tries to pull the blanket over her head as cover, but something else fades into view.  _ Someone _ .

And then, she’s gasping. And she’s scrambling to kick the blankets off of her. Raven’s sitting up in groggy confusion just as Octavia scoots too far back and tumbles off the end of the bed.

And with that, Raven’s good morning is a sore groan from Octavia, who slowly stumbles to her feet and brings up both hands to press at her forehead. She’s got a pounding headache. Raven sits up, rubbing her eyes with one hand and raising an eyebrow at her. “Too much painkiller?”

Octavia just groans, squeezing her eyes shut tightly for a few moments before letting her hands drop back to her sides. Disoriented, she looks from Raven, to the empty spot on the bed, and then back again. She struggles to remember the night before.

“Did I…?” she mumbles, lazily motioning to the bed. 

“You stumbled in at midnight and made yourself right at home,” Raven nods slowly and glances to the window, her eyes slowly trailing up to the roof that’s been leaking steadily due to the rain -- still pouring down outside with no sign of stopping.

Flustered and embarrassed, Octavia shakes her head at her actions. “I had a few drinks with Jasper,” she sighs, cupping the back of her neck with one hand and looking around the room. When she moves to grab her shoes and jacket, Raven sits up in confusion.

“Where are you going?” 

Octavia pauses, halfway done tugging on one of her boots. She sets her foot down and tilts her head to the side. “Out?”

“It’s early,” Raven notes, glancing back out the small circular window on the wall. Octavia’s quick to notice something different in Raven’s tone. She can’t quite decipher it. 

“And?”

“And it’s raining,” Raven yawns softly. 

“And?”

“And warriors need their rest.”

Octavia notices the slightest of smirks playing at Raven’s lips and grows even more confused. “I-I…”

“No one will miss us if we sleep in,” Raven leans back on her hands. 

Slowly catching on, Octavia tilts her head to the side and lets the second boot in her hand drop back to the floor. Her jacket slides back off of her shoulder and onto an old chair in the corner. She raises an eyebrow. “This isn’t just an excuse to avoid putting on your brace?”

Raven shrugs. “Not primarily.”

Octavia sighs, walking back over to the end of the bed and leaning forwards so her palms are flat on the end of the mattress. “Are you sure this is okay?” she asks, her voice softer. 

Raven raises a questioning eyebrow and Octavia starts to grow flustered. She just motions back and forth between them, hoping Raven’s able to fill in the gaps. It’s a vague question, but they’re both well aware of its implications.

So Raven, following Octavia’s silence, simply holds out her hand and looks at Octavia shyly. When Octavia takes it a few seconds later, she’s suddenly pulled forwards into the spot beside Raven. However, Raven doesn’t let go of her hand. Instead, she turns over on her side so her back is facing Octavia and holds the girl’s hand between her own, so Octavia’s arm is wrapped around her. Unable to see the girl’s reaction, Raven waits, holding her breath. 

She feels Octavia shift positions beside her, feels the dip in the bed move closer and the warmth of a body next to hers. “And this?” Octavia’s words come out barely a whisper, and Raven is able to breathe again when Octavia doesn’t move her arm, but begins to slowly run her fingers up and down Raven’s own, tracing circles in the back of her hand. All Raven can do is nod.

“This is happening?” Octavia asks quietly. A few seconds of silence pass. 

“Is it?” Raven whispers back, gazing at the wall across from them. 

“I think so.” Octavia pauses. “And it’s okay?”

“More than okay,” Raven doesn’t hesitate. No more awkward silence. Her lips curve into a smile when she feels Octavia press her forehead against the back of her shoulder and laugh softly beside her. 

This time, Octavia’s the one reaching down to pull the blankets over them. And this time, Raven’s the one who feels a little drunk. (But like she said, it’s more than okay.)

* * *

 

 

Octavia wakes up slowly. First, it’s Raven running her fingers in circles around her wrist absentmindedly, giggling to herself when she sees goosebumps form on the sleeping girl’s skin. Then, yawning, Raven turns over so she’s facing Octavia. She just lays like that for a moment, breathing in the heavy air, smelling of rain, that leaks in through the windows. Rainy days were always her favorite on the ground, quiet and docile. 

Green eyes flutter open and adjust to the light. Octavia stares at Raven a few moments, a peaceful silence, before she laughs softly and buries her head in the pillow. 

“Sorry,” Raven whispers, caught, a small smile playing at her lips. Octavia rubs her eyes, brushing her hair out of her face and lifting her head.

“Is it still raining?”

“I think so,” Raven nods towards the window. Sitting up slightly, Octavia gazes through the slitted metal and groans, falling back onto the bed.

“I have to be out in that  _ all day _ ,” she sighs. She and Bellamy had planned to go and map out the woods surrounding the Ark, sanctioning it into small areas that they could name and navigate easier during patrols. Octavia lays there for a few more moments, debating just ditching Bellamy and staying in bed all day, but eventually she sits up, stretches out her arms, and rises to her feet.

As Octavia snakes her arms into her jacket and props her feet up on the dresser to tie her boots, Raven rises slowly and lets her feet hang over the side of the bed, her bare feet dangling just inches above the ground. Her eyes narrow when she sees her brace, in all its bulky glory, sitting there and waiting for her. 

“I can take you to Abby on my way out,” Octavia speaks up when she notices the look of discontempt on the girl’s face. “She’ll want to change your bandages and stuff.” She pauses for a few moments, watching Raven’s eyes shift down to the floor. “How’s it feel?” 

“You think I’d be used to it by now,” Raven mutters, reaching out to grab the brace. Octavia just nods softly. “Some days it hits harder than others,” she shakes her head. “Just part of the game, I guess.”

“I’m just glad you’re here,” Octavia speaks up once Raven’s tugged tight the velcro straps of her brace. She holds out a hand to the girl. “Collateral damage and all,” she offers a sad smile. “Just glad you’re here.” 

Raven pauses, thrown by Octavia’s comment. She looks up, studying the girl’s face before taking her hand. “Coulda’ been worse, right?” She grits her teeth, letting her leg sink into the tight restraint of the brace and giving herself a few moments to adjust. 

“I’m proud of you,” Octavia blurts out when they’re halfway down the hallway. Raven pauses, stopping dead in her tracks to turn and look at the girl.

“Thank you,” she whispers, her voice raspy. 

Octavia just nods. “Always.”

Once she’s dropped Raven off in the infirmary under Abby’s watch, Octavia hurries out of the room and brings her hand up to her face, shaking her head.  _ Always _ . She’s an idiot. She laughs at herself before jogging out into the rain, her boots crunching against the wet mulch, heading to the gate to meet her brother.

 

* * *

 

Raven’s back in her workshop when Octavia returns. And she just happens to look up at the right time, catching sight of two figures in the distance, the gates rolling open. She sets down the adapter she’s been working on and watches as Octavia and her brother come into view -- atop two horses. A curious eyebrow raises.

Resting her chin in her palm, Raven forgets about her work for a moment and just observes. Octavia swings one leg over and slides off her horse, using one hand to swipe the hair out of her face while the other brushes over the creature’s neck. Bellamy’s talking with the guards while Octavia scratches the horse’s nose, laughing and stumbling a step backward when he flicks his head upward. Raven doesn’t even notice the small smile creeping onto her face.

Later that day, when Raven stops by her room to grab a jacket, she finds Octavia curled up on her bed, fast asleep. On the way back to work, she pauses in Bellamy’s doorway, peering in. And sure enough, Octavia’s makeshift bed on the floor is gone. She can’t help but laugh to herself as she makes her way back down the hallway.

* * *

 

 

In the days that follow, they fall into a routine of sorts. Although they don’t cross paths during the day -- Raven spends most of her time in the workshop and Octavia is always running rouge in the woods -- they always seem to collapse in the same bed at night. Usually, Octavia’s the last in bed, feeling her way through the darkness of the room and falling into the blankets. But sometimes, on rare occasions, Raven loses track of time and will return from a late night at the workshop to find Octavia already fast asleep, usually hugging a pillow to her chest. However, as soon as Raven lays down, a pair of arms always snake around her waist and pull her closer, without fail.

But, those hours spent in bed seem to be the extent of their relationship -- thanks to their hectic lives and both of their tendencies to grow shy around the other. Neither of them is experienced at navigating these sorts of things. But they’ve agreed upon one thing, silently, and that is they’ll always fall into the same bed at night. 

They both grow fiercely protective of this, too. One night, Raven lies awake waiting for the girl (which has grown to be a habit), but Octavia doesn’t show around the usual time. She eventually shows up, but Raven doesn’t forget the worry that struck her in the minutes before. Another time, Octavia collapses onto the bed only to reach for Raven and be met with empty space. When she searches for the girl, she finds her in her workshop, slumped over on her desk, asleep. And so, not wanting to wake her, she gently takes her into her own arms, carrying her back into her room. After she struggles but manages to get Raven’s brace off, she crawls back into bed beside her.

And so they both come to treasure those moments -- the quiet, the simple. As soon as Octavia falls back onto the mattress, sandwiched between Raven and the wall, it’s just them -- tired and giggly, messy hair and bare feet. Hiding under the blankets like two little kids, everything else is forgotten.

And for a while, they both get by on just that. And for a while, it’s enough.

Until one day it isn’t.

 

* * *

 

Octavia’s usually careful about these sorts of things.

She’s kept in contact with Nyko, even though she wasn’t supposed to. Every once in a while, she stops by his village to trade things like food and medicine with him -- a black market of sorts. However, on one day in particular, he has a message for her. Another Trikru healer, a friend of his in a neighboring village, is low on medicine and supplies and struggling to treat an unknown sickness affecting his people. Octavia knows it’s risky, but she empathises with these people. And she trusts Nyko, who shows her a secret knock and draws her a map in the sand, pointing her in the right direction. 

And so the next day, Octavia sneaks medicine from the infirmary (like she has done many times without fail), and heads off into the woods before the sun has even risen. That morning, Raven wakes to an empty bed -- a rare occurrence.

Everything goes as planned once Octavia arrives at the village. It’s smaller than expected, a bit run down compared to the other places she’s visited. Something about it draws her in, though. She spends some time in the small healer’s hut, gaining his trust. She’s a friend of Nyko’s, he says, and any friend of Nyko’s is a friend of his. He’s wary of the medicine she brings -- it’s nothing he’s ever seen before -- but so many of his people are sick and at this point he’s willing to try anything. 

It’s only when she’s leaving that the trouble begins. Because as she’s sneaking back into the woods, she stumbles over something -- a trip wire -- a collection of metal cans tied to a string signals her movement, and a young boy hops out from the brush with a dagger in his hand. However, he was only expecting something small to catch for dinner -- a rabbit or a squirrel. Instead, he’s staring wide eyed at Octavia. And before she can say anything, he’s running back into the village and calling for help.

And that’s how she ends up with her hands tied behind her back and a cloth shoved in her mouth. She doesn’t fight, she just lets the two large warriors lead her down to a dungeon of some sorts. She trips down the cracked stairs and stumbles to her knees, and when she looks back up, the grated trapdoor is closing in on her. Coughing, she slumps against the wall and lets her eyes adjust to the darkness. The room is wet, musty, crumbling as if it hasn’t been touched in years. And while she should be panicking, she finds herself wondering about the origins of these people.

But, as some time begins to pass and the hatch remains locked shut, she begins to panic all the same. After some trial and error, she’s able to work the cloth gag out of her mouth, and she spits onto the ground beside her, shaking her head and clenching her jaw. Her hands are still tied behind her back, uncomfortably so, but somewhere inbetween planning her escape and accepting whatever punishment awaits her, she manages to fall asleep.

She’s woken by the creak of the rusted metal door and the blinding sunlight that literally slaps her in the face. Disoriented, she scrambles backwards and looks forward with wide eyes. Someone enters the cellar, pulls her to her feet roughly, and shoves her out into the open. She stumbles to her knees in the mulch, groaning as her eyes adjust to the morning light. Someone grabs the back of her jacket and pulls her upwards. In front of her stand two people -- the healer she’d met the day before, and another woman. The woman wears heavy furs on her shoulders, draped down her front and almost touching her knees. She’s older, considerably so, and her war paint resembles something of a crescent moon that cups the outside of her right eye. Her gaze is stern. For a few moments, Octavia is just there on display, still recovering from her rude awakening. 

“You say she helped you?” The woman turns to the healer, her hands clasped together at her navel. He nods quickly.

“Nyko sent her,” he turns to her. “She brought medicine. From skycrew. Helped defeat  _ Maunon _ , saved her people and our own.”

“And she is not a spy?”

He shakes his head. “She brought medicine,  _ Hainofi _ , asked for nothing in return.”

“And her medicine, it works?”

Octavia exchanges worried glances with the healer. “It does,” Octavia speaks up. “It is what my people use.”

The woman turns to her, studying her pensively. Octavia shrinks under her gaze. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, she nods once. “Show me.” She turns to the man holding Octavia upright. “ _ Chil daun _ .”

Octavia’s feet land on the ground seconds later and she quickly catches herself before she can fall. She could run right then if she wanted to, but she doesn’t. She just follows closely behind the healer, who rushes to lead the woman to his hut. The woman, who Octavia assumes to be the leader of their village, stops at the door and nods for Octavia and the healer to enter first. She follows. 

“ _ Okteivia, _ ” a small voice rasps. A small boy, no older than four, sits up on his bed (made from burlap sacks stuffed with grain) and holds out his arms to the girl. It’s the first thing that happens when they enter the room, and Octavia pauses nervously. 

“He’s awake,” the woman notes, a hint of surprise in her voice. Octavia glances at them, debating, before kneeling beside the bed. The small boy --  _ Tomas _ \-- curls his fingers around her thumb and gives her a toothy grin. She had helped him yesterday, bringing medicine that helped induce vomiting in hopes that it would flush the unknown toxin out of his system. 

“He was nearly dead yesterday,” the woman hushes her voice and turns to the healer. Octavia glances up to them. 

“She brought medicine,” the healer motions to Octavia. Meanwhile, the little boy, still pale and weak from battling sickness for days, reaches up to tug on one of Octavia’s braids. He giggles when she returns the gesture, ruffling his sandy brown hair. 

Eventually, the woman turns to Octavia, who rises to her feet. “And your people…” she motions to Octavia’s clothes, starkly different than the rags the village wears. “They do not know you are here?”

Octavia’s quick to shake her head. 

Pensively, the woman glances down to the small boy on the bed, who now playfully tugs on Octavia’s shoestrings. His sudden transformation seems to have convinced her, because her face softens and she gives Octavia a single nod. “Make sure it stays that way.”

And then she’s gone, leaving a relieved Octavia in her wake. The healer --  _ Acott _ \-- apologizes over and over, but Octavia just shakes it off. And although most people would run and never look back, Octavia remembers the open endedness of the woman’s statement, and so she remains for a short while longer, talking to Acott and learning about his people.

She learns that they’re the last few left of a once prospering village. However, their location made them easy to find, and when a few Mountain Men happened to wander across them, people started disappearing, dropping like flies. Harsh winters only made things worse, killing their crops and making their soil impossibly dry and hard to farm. Grounder tradition forbids other villages from aiding their neighbors. It is a village’s responsibility to remain self-sustainable.  _ Survive, or die out like weaklings  _ \-- he explains. She’s happened upon the village during one of their good spells. The rain has given them water, and since the fall of the Mountain Men, they are no longer a threat. However, recovering from their hardships is difficult, and with little resources, they struggle to simply feed their people. Upon hearing this, Octavia glances down at Tomas, who has crawled into her lap and fallen asleep. Her heart aches for these people. Right away, she makes plans to come back.

Eventually, she’s forced to return home before night falls. But, not before she pulls a worn piece of paper from her jacket and unfolds it, marking the village --  _ Denton _ \-- in black charcoal. When she’s finished, she tucks her map back into her pocket and heads out. It’s only when she’s halfway home that she realizes one of her shoelaces is missing.

* * *

 

 

Only one person takes note of Octavia’s prolonged disappearance, and that’s Raven. 

When Octavia didn’t crawl into bed the night before, Raven got up, tied her brace back on, and wandered around the camp looking for her. Eventually she had no other choice but to give up, but sleep didn’t come easy for the rest of the night. 

When she woke, she hoped Octavia would be there. And when she wasn’t, she became even more worried. She knows Octavia, how she pushes her limits, how she’ll wander a little farther than she was supposed to, climb dangerously high in a tree, or run off in the direction of strange noises. And while Octavia’s fearlessness is endearing, it doesn’t help to calm her nerves in instances like these.

It’s just before dinnertime when Octavia finally returns. Raven has been working in the infirmary, helping Abby set up moveable lights above the examination tables. It keeps her hands busy, but her mind keeps returning to Octavia. Where is she? With all this time to wonder, Raven’s able to orchestrate up the worst case scenarios that could have happened to the girl. Even Abby can tell Raven’s head is elsewhere. 

Raven’s taking a break, splashing water on her face, when she glances out the window and sees movement outside the fence. She stands up quickly. Octavia? Abby doesn’t even hear the girl leave.

Octavia’s just ducking under the dip in the fence when Raven turns the corner behind the building. Right away, Octavia pauses, standing up slowly and brushing her hands off on her pants. Raven speaks first.

“Where were you?” Raven tilts her head to the side, concerned. She’s taken up using a single crutch on her bad side, and she twists it a few times, digging a hole in the dirt. “You didn’t come back last night.”

“I was out,” Octavia shrugs, unsure of how to explain where she’s been. “Had lots to do.”

“Do? Do what?” Raven furrows her eyebrows. 

“Stuff,” the girl sighs and shakes her head. Octavia’s exhausted. The only thing on her mind right now is sleep. Raven can tell this. And although she’s hurt by the girl’s curtness, and worried about where the hell she’s been, she just nods softly and lets Octavia move past her. 

That night, Raven’s the last one in bed. She finds Octavia already asleep, shoes and all, buried under the covers. Somewhere in the middle of the night Octavia ends up curled around her, and Raven lays awake for a while, running her fingers over the girl’s knuckles absentmindedly.

* * *

 

 

Octavia’s gone before Raven wakes up. At least, Octavia thinks that how it will be. What she doesn’t know is that, as she is getting dressed, Raven stirs in her sleep and blinks a few times, finding Octavia tugging on her boots. She doesn’t say anything, though she wants to. She just watches, faking sleep so Octavia doesn’t notice she’s awake. 

Octavia’s gone all day, but that night when she returns, there’s a bundle of food wrapped up in a cloth waiting for her, hanging from a nail on the fence. Raven’s asleep by the time she crawls in bed.

* * *

 

 

Octavia maintains her distance for a while, developing a routine of sneaking out and returning at around the same time. Usually, by the time she’s back, Raven’s already in bed. However, one day that isn’t the case.

She’s just gotten back from the village, tired and sunburnt from being outside all day. She’s eager to just collapse into bed, but when she makes her way down the hallway and notices the light in Raven’s bedroom is still on, she grows concerned. 

Quietly, she pushes the door open a crack and peers in. Raven’s sitting on the bed, fumbling with her brace and struggling to yank it off. Octavia swears she sees tears in her eyes, but something in her feels bad for spying, so she nudges the door open even wider to make her presence known.

Raven jumps, looking at Octavia worriedly, who slips into the room and gently closes the door behind her. 

“Need help?” she asks quietly, hesitating to move forwards. Raven just sighs, punching the brace above her knee and bringing a hand up to her forehead. Octavia rarely sees her this frustrated, and she hurries to help undo the velcro that’s somehow gotten twisted and stuck in one of the clasps. 

“I just feel so damn  _ useless _ ,” Raven whispers, squeezing her eyes shut. Octavia pauses to look up at the girl, who’s normally so good at hiding her pain. In this moment, Raven seems a little more human to her. 

“Your brother wouldn’t even let me go out on patrols,” Raven mutters, wiping her eyes when Octavia looks away. “I can’t do anything anymore.” Her voice cracks and Octavia finally frees the final tie on the brace, carefully sliding it from around the girl’s leg. She’s not sure what to say to Raven. She’s not sure if her words can fix anything. 

As soon as she’s free from the brace, Raven rolls back onto the bed and gazes at the ceiling. Her words hang heavy between them, and she’s afraid she’s said too much, or scared Octavia away somehow. She can hear the girl changing, sliding of her jacket and kicking her boots across the room.

“I’m sorry,” Raven sighs and shakes her head, but then suddenly Octavia’s right beside her. 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, giving Raven a reassuring nod before climbing over to her side of the bed. As the lights flicker off, she pulls Raven close and presses her forehead against the back of the girl’s shoulder. “You’re okay.”

Octavia lays awake for far longer than Raven does, wishing she had the words to fix everything.

* * *

 

 

As a few more days pass, filled with Octavia’s early mornings and late nights, Raven grows more and more agitated. Maybe that’s not the right word, she thinks, she’s just  _ worried _ . And then she overthinks things, and tells herself she shouldn’t be this worried, because they aren’t even really a thing? Are they? 

It’s these thoughts that are keeping her up the night Octavia returns exceptionally late, way past midnight, tiptoeing into the room and quietly untying her boots. She keeps silent in order not to disturb Raven, but little does she know, the girl is wide awake. 

“You’re late again.”

Well, now she knows. Octavia jumps and nearly loses her balance when Raven speaks. She tosses her shoes aside and wanders over to the bed. “What defines late?” she tries to be playful and dodge the questioning tone in the girl’s voice, but it doesn’t work.

“Octavia…” Raven sighs, wanting so desperately to have an answer to all her questions. She pauses for a moment, feeling the girl shift in the space beside her. Giving up, she just sighs and rolls over with her back to the girl. “Forget it.”

“What?” Octavia sits up slightly, waiting for Raven to say something. But she doesn’t get a response, even when she whispers Raven’s name again. 

Sighing, Octavia pulls the blanket over them and turns to lay on her back. And now, she feels horrible. Somewhere, deep down, she knows why the girl is frustrated. She knows that if the roles were reversed and Raven was the one disappearing without an explanation, she’d be just as (if not more) annoyed. But something in her is holding her back. 

She’s not sure how Raven would take to her disappearing to help these people. She’s felt connected to the Grounders and their culture ever since she met Lincoln, but she’s scared to reveal more of that to Raven. She’s not sure how Raven feels about these people. Grounders seem to be looked upon negatively by almost everyone since the betrayal at Mount Weather, however Octavia’s been able to realize that one person’s decision doesn’t reflect a whole population. But with Raven having been at the receiving end of their violence, she’s worried that she’ll label Octavia as some sort of traitor.

To top it all off, as Octavia begins to feel more and more conflicted about where she belongs, she’s holding onto Raven as the only constant she has -- the last thing she wants to do is jeopardize that. 

However, now that she thinks about it, she realizes she already has. 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Raven is gone before Octavia wakes up. 

Disgruntled, the girl sits up in bed and takes a moment to scan the empty room. She doesn’t like waking up alone. She’d much rather wake up to Raven tracing circles in her back or brushing her hair out of her face. The thought of it just makes her feel infinitely more guilty. 

She thinks back to a little over a week ago when she found Raven struggling with her brace. She can still hear how the word “useless” sounded coming out of her mouth -- cracked and edged and layered with days of frustration. 

The sun’s already risen, slipping in through the slats in the window and outlining the pathway to the door. Pushing herself up to her feet, Octavia heads out to find the girl and right her wrongs.

She finds Raven in the second place she looks -- the makeshift garage in the back of camp. Raven’s yet to notice her, she’s laid back on a rolling board and is buried under one of the rovers they brought back from Mount Weather. She’s covered in grease and sweat by the time she slides herself back out into the open, sitting up and using an old rag to wipe her forehead.

When she cleans off her hands and looks up, she’s startled to find Octavia leaning against the wall across from her. The first thing Raven notices is the large bag she has slung over her shoulder.

“What’s that?” she asks casually, trying not to let her surprise show. Usually Octavia’s gone from the camp by this time of day. 

Ignoring her question, Octavia wanders over to the rover and drums her knuckles against the hood. “This one done?” 

Raven stands up slowly and sends the girl a questioning glance. “Haven’t test driven it yet,” she leans against the front of the car. “But yeah, everything’s in place.” She turns away to collect her things, but the shuffling of feet and the sound of a door being opened distracts her. When she turns back around, Octavia’s swinging herself up into the driver’s seat. 

“What are you doing?” Raven half-glares at the girl.

“Going for a test drive,” Octavia shrugs, as if this is a casual occurrence. She leans over the center console and unlocks the passenger door, shoving it open. “You coming or not?” she raises an eyebrow at Raven.

Apprehensively, Raven scans Octavia’s face for a moment. But she’s intrigued, and she trusts Octavia. So, she glances around to make sure no one is looking before tossing her rag aside and climbing into the passenger seat. Octavia’s starting the engine even before she can pull her door shut.

Raven notes the way Octavia’s face lights up when the rover roars to life. She raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure you know how to-- _ woah!” _

She’s cut off when Octavia finds the gas petal and they’re flying out of the garage, breezing through the homemade door, curtained with tarps. Raven grabs onto the handle above her head, being lurched forward. 

They’re at the front gates in the blink of an eye, and Octavia glances over at Raven expectantly. Sighing, she leans out her window and waves to the guards, signaling to them that she’s cleared this patrol. 

“Gave up the wheel today?” Miller laughs, gripping the barrel of his gun and motioning to someone in the tower. Raven just rolls her eyes jokingly, leaning back into the car as the gates are rolled open. And with that, they’re off. 

If there’s one thing Raven’s learns from this whole experience, it’s that Octavia doesn’t know the meaning of the words “slow down.” The brake, to Octavia, is more of an option than a necessity. Raven swears they’ve almost crashed about three times by now. The rover tears through the brush and Octavia’s a sucker for wide turns, drifting the back of the vehicle and forcing Raven to hold onto her seat with both hands. 

After trying to get Octavia to slow down countless times, Raven finally gives up when she realizes that Octavia knows the land like the back of her hand. There’s been moments where she’s swerved at the last minute to avoid a tree that Raven hadn’t even seen. Octavia’s clearly taken this same path before, Raven notes.

“Where are we going?” she asks, slowly catching onto the fact that this is more than just a test drive. Octavia curls and uncurls her fingers around the wheel.

“You’ll see.” 

Raven just watches her for a while, entertained by how pumped up on adrenaline Octavia is just from driving the rover. After a few moments, Octavia feels eyes on her, and she glances over at the girl for a moment. 

“Did’ya ever imagine this is how things would turn out? When you found out we were being sent down?” Octavia keeps her eyes ahead of them but steals and glance at Raven every now and then. 

Having calmed down a considerable amount, Raven just laughs softly and shakes her head. “I thought you were as good as dead.” Octavia laughs somewhat, but her mind is elsewhere, she’s looking around quickly before she glances over to Raven. 

“Hold on.” Her voice is firm and she meets Raven’s eyes for a split second. 

Raven opens her mouth to question her, but by then, Octavia’s already throwing the wheel to the side and practically flipping the rover. Instinctively, she reaches over to bar her arm in front of Raven and prevent her from flying forwards. And then, she’s slamming on the breaks (finally). The breath is sucked out of Raven’s chest as they come skidding to a stop, just inches before a clearing.

“You good?” Octavia turns to Raven, one hand on the gear shift. But Raven’s not even listening. Instead, she’s starting straight forwards, eyes wide. 

“ _ Octavia… _ ” she whispers, a worried hand reaching over to slap the girl’s arm and get her attention. Octavia follows her gaze, her eyes landing on a group of grounders. Three arrows are pointed directly at them. 

Octavia doesn’t seem to panic as much as Raven does, though. Instead she just turns to the girl and places a hand on her shoulder. “Stay here,” she locks eyes with Raven and gives her a quick nod. And then, before the girl can protest, Octavia’s kicking her door open and hopping to the ground.

Raven watches as Octavia holds up her hands in surrender. But then, she’s even more confused when the grounders almost immediately lower their arrows and walk over to shake hands with the girl -- gripping her forearm and nodding at her in apology. However, Raven scrambles to lock the door when she looks over and notices one of them has wandered over to peer in her window.

“ _ Hod op! _ ” Octavia catches him just in time, running over to Raven’s side of the car and shaking her head. “She’s with me.” 

And, surprisingly, the warrior backs off with a curt nod. Octavia stands on her tiptoes to tap on the window and then points to the lock, signaling for Raven to open the door. 

“What the hell?” Raven whisper-yells, opening the door a crack and glaring at Octavia. Shaking her head, Octavia pulls the door wide open and nervously holds out a hand to Raven. Even surrounded by grounder warriors, she’s more afraid of Raven and her reaction. 

“What is going on?” Raven hisses, but reluctantly lets Octavia help her down to the ground. She groans when she puts weight on her leg, holding onto Octavia’s shoulder until she gets adjusted. 

“It’s okay, please, don’t freak out,” Octavia whispers. She shrinks under Raven’s uncertain gaze. “ _ Just trust me _ ,” she adds, her eyes pleading. 

And so, Raven hesitantly lets Octavia lead her through the clearing and out of the forest, to what she first thinks is some sort of abandoned civilization. However, as she follows Octavia into the thick of it all, people start appearing. Faces peer through windows, a few women appear in the doorways and nod softly to Octavia, who returns the gesture. Confused, Raven just watches. Although, she immediately notices a shift in Octavia, who stands up a little taller and carries herself differently. Raven raises an eyebrow and stays close by the girl.

And then, Raven thinks they’re under attack when someone bursts out of one of the huts and comes barreling towards them. She tenses up. But Octavia just laughs and stumbles a few steps backwards, and when she turns around to face Raven, there’s a small boy clinging to her shoulders. Slowly, Raven’s apprehensions begin to fade away. 

Octavia ruffles the boy’s hair and sets him back down, but he remains glued to her side. Raven glances around them, and then turns to Octavia and raises an eyebrow. “So this is where you’ve been running off to,” she half-smiles as things start to make sense. 

And for some reason, Octavia grows shy and looks away to hide her smile. 

However, their moment is interrupted when someone else hurries over to them. It’s an older woman, hunched over, dressed in burlap cloths. She grabs both of Octavia’s arms and starts to pull her away. “It’s gotten worse,  _ Okteivia _ ,” she mumbles and shakes her head. “The water, you must come quick.”

Octavia glances back to Raven, sending her an apologetic smile and nodding for her to follow them. The woman leads Octavia to some sort of concrete pool in the ground. At the same time, a young boy returns, dumping another bucket of water into it. 

“The water from the creek,” the woman motions to where the boy has run back into the woods. “It has gotten worse.” Raven’s eyes study the small concrete pond, grimacing at the thought of drinking the filmy, odd-colored water within it. The small boy that’s been glued to Octavia bends down to run his hand through it, but Octavia tugs him away.

“The creek is all we have,  _ lukot _ , we have collected the water from the rain in buckets but it makes the children sick,” her grip on Octavia’s hand tightens. “ _ Sis au _ ? Can you help us?” Her eyes meet Octavia’s desperately. 

“I can’t,” Octavia shakes her head, but then she turns to Raven. “But I think I brought someone who can.” 

Both pairs of eyes turn to Raven hopefully, and suddenly the girl is met with an entirely new dilemma. When Octavia notes Raven’s shock and hesitation, she excuses them for a moment and pulls Raven aside. 

“I don’t understand what you’re doing, O,” Raven shakes her head and glances around them. “ _ Helping _ them? Sneaking out here? Do you know how much trouble you could get in? What if they--?”

“Raven…” Octavia reaches out for the girl’s hand and cups it between her own. “Look at them,” she pauses and glances behind her. “If I don’t do something, who will? Their people kill their own villages if they cannot survive.” She lowers her voice. “That night I disappeared...?” 

Raven nods slowly.

“I was bringing medicine to help them.  _ Tomas _ …” she motions subtly to the small boy standing a few yards away, watching them. “He would have died if I hadn’t--,”

“Medicine?” Raven cuts her off. “From where?” 

Octavia’s lips purse together and she avoids eye contact. Raven already knows. 

“If Abby finds out that you’ve been--,”

“Listen, Raven,” Octavia shakes her head and takes another step towards the girl. “They could have killed me, but they didn’t. You can’t believe what they say at Arkadia, these people… they aren’t…” she squeezes her eyes shut, growing frustrated that she can’t seem to get through to Raven. She can’t articulate how strongly she needs to protect these people.

When Raven realizes Octavia’s on the verge of tears, she sighs heavily. If Octavia really has put her trust in these people, and Raven trusts Octavia, then maybe she should try and understand them. She squeezes Octavia’s wrist. 

“Listen, if you don’t want to, we can go, but--,” 

“Shh,” Raven shakes her head quickly, cutting off the girl. She’s already thinking. Her eyes scan the small camp around them. “If we dig a well… we may be able to get access to groundwater that isn’t contaminated.”

Octavia’s face lights up, equal parts shock and relief. Her eyes find Raven’s hopefully. “And we can do that?” 

“If you can dig,” Raven nods once, trying to hide her amusement at Octavia’s sudden change in mood. 

“I can get you people to work if you can give directions,” Octavia squeezes the girl’s hand, and then on a last minute’s whim, pulls her into a tight hug. Raven opens her eyes to find Tomas still watching them, his head tilted to the side.

 

* * *

 

Octavia didn’t lie when she said she could get people to work. And so, Raven maps out an area of land closest to the village where she knows there will be groundwater, and she sketches out some sort of design in the dirt while Octavia and a few of the grounder’s she’s recruited start digging. 

After an hour or so of work in the strenuous heat, Octavia takes a break and wanders up the hill to where Raven sits, watching over them. She wipes her forehead and then uses her hand to block the sun out of their eyes, offering Raven a soft smile. 

“You’re crazy, Octavia Blake,” Raven just laughs and rolls her eyes. 

“Yeah?” Octavia quirks an eyebrow playfully. She helps Raven to her feet, who hands the girl the canteen that Octavia had brought in her backpack. She takes a swig and clears her throat, catching her breath. 

Before they can say anything else, Tomas, who’s noticed Octavia’s taken a break, runs over to greet them. He holds out a stick in front of him, pretending to be a warrior, and jabs it against Raven’s brace a few times. It’s innocent, and it doesn’t hurt, but Raven sees the look on Octavia’s face as soon as it happens. For some reason, Raven grows embarrassed, as if she doesn’t want Octavia seeing her as less than. Or someone she needs to be extra cautious around. But that’s not what happens.

“Woah there,” Octavia giggles, kneeling down and ruffling the small boy’s hair. “Gotta watch who you pick your battles with, buddy. You might just end up upsetting the smartest girl in all of the world,” she tickles his sides, making him squeal and grab onto her hands. He manages to slip one of her gloves off of her fingers, giggling, and runs away with it. Octavia laughs softly to herself and watches him disappear. 

When she stands back up, she’s met with an amused Raven, who raises an eyebrow at her. Growing shy, Octavia just shrugs, smiling sheepishly. 

Raven grabs the stick Tomas had been playing with and gently taps the top of Octavia’s head with it. “Get back to work,” she teases. Rolling her eyes, Octavia takes another sip of water, passing the canteen back to Raven before jogging back down the hill to continue digging. 

* * *

 

 

It’s late afternoon by the time the project is finished. Octavia and Raven now sit at the top of the hill, watching as the families hurry to line up at the well with their buckets, taking turns tying them to the pulley system Raven’s designed and letting them sink into the well, resurfacing filled with clean water. The design is still crude, given their lack of supplies, but it works, and that’s what matters.

“You did good, Reyes,” Octavia jokes, elbowing the girl in the side gently. Raven glances over at her, a shy smile on her face.

A few moments later, Octavia is hurrying to rise to her feet when a woman approaches them. She helps Raven up, squeezing her hand gently. 

“ _ Mochof _ ,” the woman reaches out to shake Octavia’s hand, gripping her forearm. 

“I’m not the one you should be thanking,” Octavia speaks up and nods towards Raven. “She is.” And so the woman turns to Raven, studying her for a few moments before reaching out, taking her hands, and bowing her head to the girl. Raven glances at Octavia, but doesn’t say anything.

“ _ Mochof _ ,” the woman meets Raven’s eyes. “Thank you. My people will survive because of you.” Raven manages to stutter out a “you’re welcome,” and then the woman is gone. When they’re alone once more, she turns to Octavia and raises an eyebrow. Octavia just smirks. 

“ _ That _ ,” she nods once. “That was the leader of this village.” She pauses, glancing down at the well. “Not so useless now, are you?”

And then, before she can even see Raven’s reaction, she’s off -- jogging down the hill to help an elderly couple carry their buckets of water back to their home. Raven’s left in her wake, letting the girl’s words sink in. Not only did she remember what Raven had said not too many nights ago, but she realizes that this had been part of Octavia’s plan all along. As she makes the connection, her cheeks turn bright red and a soft smile tugs at her lips.

 

* * *

 

Smoke is just starting to rise out of the small huts as the grounders see them off, thanking them and insisting that they return. Once Octavia finally manages to peel herself away, she helps Raven into the rover and then swings up into her side. Alone once more, she takes a deep breath and turns the key in the ignition. But when she curls her fingers around the steering wheel, something’s off.

“Looking for this?” Raven smirks, holding up Octavia’s second black glove. Laughing, the girl takes it from her and tugs it onto her fingers. 

“How’d you manage to get this back?”

“Slipped it from the kid when he wasn’t paying attention,” Raven shrugs. Octavia fake gasps, nudging the girl playfully before easing onto the gas and taking them back to Arkadia. (Raven notices the drive back seems to be slower -- a deliberate action on Octavia’s part, who doesn’t want the day to end.)

When they pull back through the gates at Arkadia, it’s dark. Octavia leans forward, navigating them through the entrance of the garage and slowly pulling them to a stop. Turning the keys, the roar of the engine dies down, and she lingers there for a moment.

“You could have just told me, you know.”

Raven’s words catch Octavia off guard. 

“I would have understood,” Raven adds softly. Octavia glances up at her. 

And then, Raven’s leaning over the center console and kissing her, bringing one hand up to her cheek and  _ kissing her _ . Octavia doesn’t go weak in the knees -- no, she can’t even  _ feel _ her knees. Raven smells like the outdoors and sunburn and Octavia doesn’t even remember telling her body to kiss her back -- she just did. And every little detail of that moment becomes so heightened, making Octavia want to melt into a puddle right there.

But then it’s over, and they’re pulling away to look at one each other, a silence falling between them. Raven just smiles, and then she’s gone, sliding out of the rover before Octavia’s even gotten a grip on what just happened. 

Octavia sits there for a few more minutes, replaying it in her head, her face bright red and flustered. Eventually, she’s able to take deep breath and mentally scold herself for being so overdramatic. But that doesn’t stop her from nearly falling flat on her face when she stumbles out of the rover and realizes that she really  _ is  _ weak in the knees.

* * *

 

 

Raven makes a beeline for her room as soon as she leaves the garage.

Her nerves are buzzing. She sits down on the bed and digs her nails into her thighs, curling and uncurling her fists to try and calm herself down. She knows it was risky. Impulsive, even. But she did it, and it happened, and now she’s terrified that Octavia’s going to steal the rover and run off into the wilderness and never ever come back.

And if she’s being irrational then, she grows even more irrational when Octavia doesn’t come to bed. A few minutes pass, and she panics. And then an hour passes, and Raven decides that she’s effectively ruined  _ everything _ by doing what she did. And then another hour passes, and she punches a wall, which hurts more than she thought it would and she ends up falling back into the bed and burying herself under the blankets.

Eventually, she gets up to turn off the lights and change, and then she’s right back under the blankets, hugging a pillow to her chest. She slips in and out of sleep for a while, but she’s always fading back awake, staring at the wall worriedly, willing herself to hear the creak of the door behind her, and feel the dip in the bed that signifies Octavia has returned. 

However, she thinks she’s hallucinating when she hears the slightest of noises from across the room. She tenses, holding her breath and closing her eyes.

“You awake?” It’s Octavia. Her voice is soft and gentle and Raven shivers. 

Lifting her head, Raven squints to see the doorway in the darkness. “Yeah?”

Octavia doesn’t respond, she just slips into the room and sheds her jacket. Raven can’t see anything, but she can hear the pitter patter of water droplets on the floor, and she can hear Octavia wringing out her wet hair. It must be raining. 

“Power’s out,” Octavia whispers. She feels around on the dresser until she finds Raven’s lighter. She’s brought along a lantern that she snatched on her way back, and she lights it. The flame hisses to life and Raven can now make out the girl in the dim light. “They think they found the broken fuse but a few of us had to run out and check the perimeter, just in case.”

The room glows a dark orange from the lantern, casting stain glass shadows against the wall. Raven sits up, watching as Octavia stands in front of the mirror and begins to carefully take out her braids. It’s quiet. Raven wonders if this is going to happen again -- if they’re both just not going to acknowledge what happened between them. For the first time, she realizes she doesn’t want that. Quietly, she rises to her feet.

“What happened before…” Octavia blurts out, making Raven jump. Octavia doesn’t turn to look at her, though. She just keeps her gaze focused on the mirror. “I mean… that wasn’t just a one time thing, right?” She pauses. “Or was it like… a friendly… ‘ _ good job _ ,’ kiss?” She’s nervous -- rambling and stumbling over her words.

“Octavia--,” Raven takes a step forward but she’s cut off.

“Because I don’t know if I can--,” Octavia’s words are immediately swallowed back up in her chest when she feels two hands on her bare arms, running up and down from her shoulders to her wrists once, before resting back on her shoulders. Her entire body tenses and she feels goosebumps form on her skin. She’s still staring into the mirror, but she can see Raven’s head slowly come to lean against hers, resting her chin on her shoulder and studying their reflection.

And then, because their combined faces in the mirror just  _ does _ something to her, words are spilling over and Octavia blurts it out before she can think. It all hits her at once. 

“ _ I’m in love with you _ ,” she breathes out, her voice rushed as she turns around to face the girl. Raven sees the physical change when Octavia realizes what she’s said. She sees all the color drain from her face, she sees Octavia’s eyes widen in fear, and she sees the girl shake her head and scramble to explain herself. “I’m sorr--,” 

“You are?” Raven whispers. Her face is soft, vulnerable, shocked -- studying Octavia’s eyes to make sure she’s not lying. Octavia opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out, so she just ends up staring at Raven, unable to find her words. 

Octavia’s hesitation is enough. So, for the second time that day, Raven kisses her. This time, though, Octavia quickly catches onto what’s happening. And then she’s using one hand to cup the back of Raven’s neck, and Raven’s grabbing her other hand to pull her backwards, urging her towards the bed.

“I’m glad we feel the same way, then,” Raven laughs softly, once she falls back onto the mattress. Octavia doesn’t have much time to consider the weight of these words, because Raven’s grabbing her shirt and pulling her forwards, and Octavia’s stumbling onto the bed, one knee on each side of Raven’s stomach. 

A few moments pass between them when they’re just staring at one another, chests rising and falling, the flicker of the flame dancing across their faces. It’s pouring outside now, they can both hear it thundering above them. Octavia’s repeating the words  _ this is happening, this is happening _ , over and over in her head, and Raven’s just running her thumbs over the girl’s hips, feeling the heat of her skin between them.

And it happens. And there’s no background music or chorus of angels that appears to serenade them. But it’s real, and it’s slow, and there’s a lot of stopping to giggle or share breathless kisses. And Octavia will never forget how when she closed her eyes she could still see the streaks of orange flame behind them, and how when she opened them Raven was still there -- and she was real -- and it had all the qualities to make it a dream, but it wasn’t. It was real. 

And once it’s over, neither of them feels as if they’ve lost anything. And though the act felt good itself, what feels even better is the acts that follow. The shaking of the sheets, bare feet and legs entangled, Octavia’s red face burying itself into the pillow, laughing for the sake of laughing. Laughing because she’s so,  _ so _ damn lucky. Laughing because it isn’t a dream, and Raven’s right next to her, and no one is running away or getting hurt. It’s just them, and as she lays there on her back, watching the flicker of the candle move across the ceiling, she feels boundless. More than she did that night on the Ark when Raven showed her the stars, more than she did on her first days on the ground. She doesn’t think anything will be able to top this. 

They lay there for a while, catching their breath. Raven’s curled beside her, tracing figure eights up and down her arm and over her shoulder, giggling every time Octavia shivers. 

“I want to hear you say it.”

Octavia’s voice appears, just barely a whisper, hanging between them in the comfortable silence. Raven lifts her head to look at the girl. “Say what?”

“ _ It _ ,” Octavia turns her head to the side, hair sprawled across the pillow, locking eyes with the girl. 

“Oh,” Raven laughs quietly, quick to understand. There’s a pause between them, though, long enough to make Octavia think she’s done something wrong. 

“I just--,” she starts, once again second guessing herself. However, Raven knows this was coming, and leans over, cutting off the girl with her lips. She can feel Octavia start to smile into the kiss, and after a few long seconds, she pulls away so their lips are just barely touching, lingering in front of the girl’s face. 

“ _ I love you _ ,” Raven whispers against Octavia’s skin, nose brushing against hers. She kisses her again, quickly, and then pulls away. “Goddamn it, Octavia Blake, you must be blind if you couldn’t see that by now.” 

Octavia, even after everything that’s happened between them, is still shocked. She pulls them apart slightly to get a better look at Raven, her eyes scanning the girl’s face and finding nothing but security. “You do?” she whispers. 

A small smile tugs at Raven’s lips and she leans in closer. “ _ Always _ ,” her words drift across Octavia’s lips like the answer to a prayer. 

“Always,” Octavia repeats Raven’s word as if she’s sealing a promise. And then, she’s rolling over to blow out the flame of the lantern, the room immediately falling black, losing the shadows that flickered on the walls. But the rain is still there, dancing across the roof like war drums. And Raven’s still there, the smell of her, the feel of her, the sound of her laugh when Octavia pulls her closer and kisses her until she loses count. 

And  _ Raven’s still there, _ Octavia realizes. And she doesn’t think she’s going anywhere anytime soon. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. There it is. Hope it didn't suck. Lemme know what you think :) 
> 
> (Should I post more Octaven? Suggestions?)
> 
> \- Lena (txrches on tumblr, lenajfc on twitter)


End file.
